sherry1 is offline sherry1 Post #1  November 20,2009, 7:23pm
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after being divorced after 17 years, we are now living together as room-mates, platonic, unsettleing still domestis, my house, he has money issues. It`s my house, he freaks out if I tell him to move out when he knows it affects me real bad, well I paid the rent, who hasn`t, when he says he pays the rent ,we switch off or 1/2 it anyway his best quote is give me back my money, and that would be the month he paid the rent, like he`s not living here, I know I should have not ever let this happen, I like the way it was before he was here, and in the meantime before all this he moved in next door, and let some girl move in in a very small one person trailer I couldn`t just let her have nowhere to live, he tells her not to worry about the money, yes I am really stupid, I don`t want him here, yes I can take care of myself and everything around here and has to be w/me, it mite have been the money thing,having a little extra, but nothing is worth this any way I`m asking for ways to have him move w/out bs and verbal abuse. Anybody?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  November 22,2009, 10:16am
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Did you have him sign a lease with you, or is this just an informal arrangement? What terms did you agree to before he moved in?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  November 22,2009, 10:28am
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Well you can't control whether he gets upset and says nasty stuff to you, but you can control how you respond to that. If he gets physically abusive, call the police.

You should probably check into the law in your area regarding eviction. Even if he has no lease, in most jurisdictions you can't just throw someone who lives in your house out on the street without going through a legal process, but if you do it in a legal way you can get him out of your house.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #4  November 22,2009, 11:04am
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I agree about checking into the law in your area. Check and see if low-cost or free legal services are available in your area. Please don't berate yourself. Instead focus your energy in getting him out of your house and life. Protect yourself by having friends and family check on you and make them aware of the situation. That may sound extreme but it is better to be safe than sorry.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  November 24,2009, 7:31am

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I would have to say that the two of you have a neurotic need for each other. After spending 20 years of your life together you guys still have feelings for each other.

Why not try some short term counseling on How to establish your and his independence without becoming bitter enemies.
Not everything has to wind up in a War of the Roses ending.

The alternative is to start eviction proceeding, which you can do at anytime and demand any money due and owing to you.

You have to understand your roll in this drama as to why you allowed it to happen? Therapy will make you smarter and set you free.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 24,2009 at 7:33am.
 
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misswright is offline misswright Post #6  November 24,2009, 7:55am

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WHAT DAY IS .......PICK UP .
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  November 24,2009, 8:06am
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misswright wrote :
WHAT DAY IS .......PICK UP .
Had to think about that ... you mean what day is garbage pickup, right? If only it were that easy!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #8  November 24,2009, 8:42am

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Hi Sherry...(I cringe here) I have to agree with Harvey, though I wouldn't phrase it quite as harshly.

I understand being stuck in a relationship but you've really entered a lose/lose thing here for your mental and personal health.

Therefor you are getting something, somehow out of this situation. And not showing a whole heap of backbone either. What is it? What is your reward for doing this? It might be as simple as having ben told to "Be a nice girl and don't hurt a mans ego" by a old auntie or some such.

In any case, whatever the reason, you are allowing yourself to be a doormat.
You can do years of therapy later to discover the reason, and maybe should but for now:

It's your house-his money problems are no longer yours-you don't want him there-he needs to go.

Being married to someone gives great insight, to an insightful or manipulative person, on the correct buttons to push to elicit a wanted response.

Your ex knows your buttons and is madly pushing them in order to control you.

Cowgirl up Sherry...your 8 seconds are over-get off the bull and walk away.

You must have an assertive friend who has been telling you this, someone who will have your back while you make your wants/needs/demands known to ex.
Call her over and Just Do It.

Supportingly, Roxy
 
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bekka74 is offline bekka74 Post #9  November 25,2009, 4:14am
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i dont think you can get him out without him being verbally abusive...you have to suck it up, not let it get to you and get him out. when i told my ex i was filing for divorce he went balistic threw every thing at me he could to make me feel like crap and keep him, the worst went on for months..i was his love (he cheated all the time), i was throwing him out in the cold to die (its was january), he threaten suicide many times ( i had him locked up), my strentgh for finally telling him to leave took along time to get, but i wish i did it sooner. tell your ex to leave, stand your ground and we"ll be here for you.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #10  November 25,2009, 10:34am

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Getting him out of the house is not the issue or the problem?
It's an overnight process in Landlord Tenant Court for a renter that is on a month to month lease.

The problem is, why did she allow this to happen to her?

The issue is, How to end the relationship without destroying each other or in other words making the divorce final?

Harvey7
 
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