Serious illness: women more likely to divorce than men?


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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #1  November 18,2009, 7:08pm
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In a study of 500+ persons with serious illness (such as cancers), women with such illness were about 21% likely to divorce; men, about 3% (the overall US population, about 12%.)

Why would seriosuly ill women get divorced at 7 times the rate of men?

(From the New York Times.)
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  November 18,2009, 7:52pm
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Please read and UNDERSTAND what you write...

Divorce Risk Higher When Wife Gets Sick - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

this is the article.

What the article said was that in a marriage that men are more likely to abandon the women than the women the men.

What the study found was that if the men got something like cancer..only 3% of the marriages ended shortly after where the partner checked out of the marriage. If the women became sick then 21 % of the men checked out on her.

What is missing in the data before coming to conclusion are other factors in the marriage like....length of marriage, prior medical problems, ages of the couple, relative health of each. How much of a factor was the age of the couple because if you are diagnosed with cancer under 40 then that is a shock....as opposed to geting diagnosed when its more likely and expected like in your 60s. Another factor is relative helath so if the guy was more healthy and generally never went to doctors and has an inherent fear of doctors and hospitals also was a factor.

Another aspect is of those that didnt leave how many of them had serious medical problems in their lives that they needed her for prior.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #3  November 18,2009, 7:54pm
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Maybe because the husbands of seriously ill women are more likely to cut and run than wives are in a similar situation.

I've also heard of people in the US divorcing when one person gets seriously ill so that it doesn't affect the finances of their partner. (That doesn't tend to happen in countries with universal health care.)
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #4  November 18,2009, 7:57pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
What the article said was that in a marriage that men are more likely to abandon the women than the women the men.
Yeah, pretty much what I figured. You posted this as I was writing my response to D.
 
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #5  November 18,2009, 8:12pm
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I was seriously ill and broke off the relationship. I remember how my friends said "Blessing in disguise. I guess you are grateful you found out." How a person responds to illness is very meaningful.
Last edited by clearlyoblique; November 18,2009 at 8:13pm. Reason: He wouldn't wear a skirt. ;)
 
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catzrn is offline catzrn Post #6  November 18,2009, 9:22pm
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Well, I didn't divorce my husband because he was sick, but I think that's one way it could be looked at. We had a 20-year marriage and the first 15 were pretty good. Last five, his chronic illnesses caught up with him. Among other things, he had diabetes and depression, which frequently go together. He refused to follow a diabetic diet and rejected counseling, He gradually became more depressed--one therapist who saw him only for a consultation said he had paranoid tendencies. And he had a safe full of guns (one night he had an accidental discharge in the house when he'd taken his pain medication; fortunately, I wasn't home). After that I didn't feel safe so I got out of there. It's been close to a couple years now and I've progressed well, but from what I've seen, he's the same or worse. I still think I made the right decision to leave. There are two sides to every story.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  November 19,2009, 4:49am
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ami1uwant wrote :
Please read and UNDERSTAND what you write...

What the article said was that in a marriage that men are more likely to abandon the women than the women the men.

What the study found was that if the men got something like cancer..only 3% of the marriages ended shortly after where the partner checked out of the marriage. If the women became sick then 21 % of the men checked out on her.

Actually neither claim was demonstrated with evidence. The author, repeatedly and inappropriately, used the pejorative term "abandoned" without basis.

I, correctly, did not.

In fact, divorce requires two parties to acheive.
 
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #8  November 19,2009, 5:29am
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Not really, D.

I left a man who was perfectly satisfied to accept the love and care I gave him ... and resented any inconvenience.

I left. Sick as the devil.

He pleaded. He was shocked. Dismayed. And then angry.

I was on the road to healing ... without the weight of his baggage. And that, was a smart one-sided decision.
Last edited by clearlyoblique; November 19,2009 at 3:37pm. Reason: grammar
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  November 19,2009, 6:58am
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A couple things.

The article said divorce occurred, on average, about six months after diagnosis. My own divorce was final six months from the first file date. That's common. The courts want to make sure it's not a whim.

My conclusion: Those were already divorces in the making.

Although it may very well be the case, the doctor was wrong to draw the conclusion of abandonment.

As a woman, I can say with certainty that if I had a serious illness, and left the man I was with, it would be because I didn't want to spend what little time I have left with him.

But then, that's usually why we all leave, isn't it? We don't want to be with the person anymore. For whatever those reasons may be.

j8a
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  November 19,2009, 3:08pm
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clearlyoblique wrote :
Not really, D.

I left a man who was perfectly satisfied to accept the love and care and gave him ... and resented any inconvenience.

I left. Sick as the devil.

He pleaded. He was shocked. Dismayed. And then angry.

I was on the road to healing ... without the weight of his baggage. And that, was a smart one-sided decision.

But, you left a relationship, not a marriage?

I thought both parties had to agree to divorce, or the marriage is (legally) still a marriage? For sure, one may walk out, but that doesn't return them to being legally single.

Also for sure, some divorces are entirely the desire of one party - but ultimately the other much accept it.

***

Perhaps you will tell us what specific actions were involved in your situation, what actions you expected / wanted, and how the situation developed?
 
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