Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???


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Uniquecorn is offline Uniquecorn Post #21  November 20,2009, 4:59pm
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He sounds like a real drag. If the only way he can relate to you is sexually, it does get old. And this talk abt men's sex drive vs womans is tiresome. men take their viagra and want to do it before it wears off and some even blab abt the cost of a single pill if its wasted! Now they created a longer acting pill so the man can maybe try a little seducing before panic sets in the pill is wasted. If you are wondering if its wrong, it is- for you at least-- no one needs to put down your drives or desires. good luck.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #22  November 20,2009, 5:08pm
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Enough with the bickering, please -- thank you.

The OP has reached to us for help and insight on a painful and sensitive issue. I would expect that we would form our responses with that in mind.

Thanks in advance for doing so moving forward.


Of course not all of us are going to see things the same way, so like all seeking advice here, the OP should read everything, take what is useful to her and leave the rest behind.

That being said, I will throw my 2 cents in here:

His sexual addiction or not is inconsequential. There is obviously a discrepancy between both partners expectations for intimacy -- for whatever the reason. Were it not for his use of force, my advice would be to see couples counseling.

However given use of force, my heartfelt advice for you, sissa, is to get out of that situation as quickly as possible, seeking whatever help you need to do so. Both you and your partner deserve someone who is on the same level on this vital relationship issue. And no matter what, you do NOT deserve to have to experience being forced or belittled against your will in the name of anyone's sexual pleasure.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #23  November 20,2009, 5:19pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
He is not a mature man he is a sex addict and I was not making things up, I was quoting his wife! Why did she marry such a highly sexed guy? Did you ever live with a sex addict? It was a thrill for her to get him off and now it's a task that she no longer wants to perform. What did he do wrong? He tried bribing her and enticing her to no avail.
She is the the that has changed the dynamic of the relationship. What do you like to do in your spare time? Roxy.................................

Harvey7.
At the point it doesn't matter a whit whether she changed the dynamics of the relationship and when...what matters is that, for whatever reason, he sees abusive behaviour as an "okay" way for him to get his sexual needs met.

Bribing and paying someone for sex, and using force to get sex, is not a means of "enticing" someone you love to have sex with you. At the very least, he's treating her like a prostitute. And she could charge him with rape if she wanted to - no means no, no matter what the relationship is.

To the OP: Have you considered your options in this situation? Could you talk to some sort of counselor? There are crisis centres in most cities for women who have experienced sexual abuse/assault; they may be able to help you sort through some the emotions around this.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #24  November 20,2009, 5:28pm
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Thank you Lori....this thread made me cry inside the other day...not just the original post but some of the responses. I was honestly feeling that I should close out my account here if this is the way some people interpreted this situation. No one should have to live a life filled with fear.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #25  November 20,2009, 8:54pm
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I don't mean to be "heartless" here, but what's the appropriate response when someone appears to be prone to behaving like a "victim"? It's always pretty easy to blame the "aggressor", but don't both parties in a relationship have responsibilities, not only towards each other, but to themselves as well?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #26  November 20,2009, 9:45pm
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he has the responsibility of not GETTING DRUNK AND RAPING HER.

the OP may be a little behind the eight ball by accepting "things" for sex, but noone deserves THAT.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #27  November 20,2009, 10:59pm
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
I don't mean to be "heartless" here, but what's the appropriate response when someone appears to be prone to behaving like a "victim"? It's always pretty easy to blame the "aggressor", but don't both parties in a relationship have responsibilities, not only towards each other, but to themselves as well?

No one has responsibility for abuse except the person committing it.

No one is arguing against the idea that she could use some help taking care of herself in this situation and in any similar situations that might occur in the future.

But, the appropriate response is compassion.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; November 20,2009 at 11:15pm.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #28  November 20,2009, 11:36pm
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i think the thing about men having a "strong" sex drive is interesting. i'd say, by and large, men's sex drive is strong in the moment. they're hardly as willing as women to get married to ensure a constant supply. that strength is tied up with aggressiveness, the conquering spirit. it isn't exactly love of sex, not from a woman's viewpoint.

anyways, the issue sounds more like an aggression issue than one of sex addiction per se.
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #29  November 21,2009, 12:21am

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I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he's twenty years old and has a strong urge. But paying a partner? And forcing? If you mean verbal forcing, that's bad enough. But physical? Ouch.

Everyday sex is normal for many men. I don't think women realize how much stronger some men's s ex drive is compared to some women.
If he is not in his 20s, but is an older male, he might be a sex addict.



jayjay wrote :
The 'paying' and 'forcing' sound bizarre or even criminal. His 'talking about' or wanting to have sex every day sound reasonable.
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #30  November 21,2009, 12:28am

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triple post
 
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