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zal zal is offline
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zal Can no longer refrain from throwing the "BS Flag"

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Does it matter if he's an addict? He's abusive and criminal, plus you've lost any interest in having sex with him. I'm not sure why you are asking what you should do. Why haven't you left yet?
- November 18th, 2009, 08:40 pm
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zal zal is offline
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Couples counseling? I think not. Just run away.
- November 18th, 2009, 08:42 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is offline
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Being a sex addict just means that you have no impulse control over it.

He likely is an addict but I agree with zal in that it really doesn't matter what you call it.

Sex addiction is not a rare thing. Ask the brilliant Dr. Drew.
- November 18th, 2009, 09:01 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Face it...often men have a stronger sex drive than women.

While mens hormonal level is pretty much a straight line, going down with age or medical issues, women's fluxuate almost daily, depending on where they are in their cycle with different hormones triggering different sexual reactions...it's a lot biology and a little psychology. As a sex, most women are also triggered by the need for petting and romance to feel desired enough to want sex..after the initial "always hot for you" period.

I don't think it's right to say "you changed but he didn't", Harvey. Women can't help their changing hormone levels - no more than a man can help getting a hard on when sexually attracted.

And suggesting female Viagra is specious . HRT sounded good..keep the women young the (male) scientists and doctors told menopausal women 30 years ago, with disastrous results to many now.

What partners do is sunderstand and work towards compromise with each other, not bribe and blame and argue and push and generally look for a way to not be the one who is at fault in a problem.

As a "partner", a mature man shouldn't barter sexual favors for presents or money. That set you up as something other than a 'partner' in this relationship-which is ok if that was the understanding from the get go...and if not than you have some decisions to make.

Is this something you need/want to keep doing?
What are you getting from it? Are you with holding sex as a form of control? Honestly look at the situation and assess where you want to go with that you learn.
I agree that some sort of couples therapy is going to be needed if you want to continue in this relationship.

Dr Roxy has spoke
He is not a mature man he is a sex addict and I was not making things up, I was quoting his wife! Why did she marry such a highly sexed guy? Did you ever live with a sex addict? It was a thrill for her to get him off and now it's a task that she no longer wants to perform. What did he do wrong? He tried bribing her and enticing her to no avail.
She is the the that has changed the dynamic of the relationship. What do you like to do in your spare time? Roxy.................................

Harvey7.
- November 18th, 2009, 11:29 pm
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ming_on_mongo ming_on_mongo is offline
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He may have a strong sex drive, but he's also obviously using "sex" as a substitute for other needs as well (affection?, comfort, communication?, meaning?, etc.), so maybe some element of "addiction" does enter into it. But you seem to have some issues of your own ("disgusting and wrong", etc.), that are no doubt coming across in the relationship. Which leads me to ask, what holds you two together?

In any case, as already suggested, sounds like you've both got some "stuff" to work on, that would also apply to any relationship you'll be in, now or later. So probably time to find a good therapist to help you both start working thru it.
- November 19th, 2009, 12:35 pm
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RoxyRedhead RoxyRedhead is offline
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Harvey7 wrote :
He is not a mature man he is a sex addict and I was not making things up, I was quoting his wife! Why did she marry such a highly sexed guy?
@ Harvey..the OP never indicated she was married..she has written 'partner' on her post. and how can you possibly diagnose the potential for his sex addition from a post by his partner. She is asking a question on the potential of his being a sex addict, which may or may not be factual.

wrote :
Did you ever live with a sex addict?
I am not the person asking the question..what I have or haven't done is inconsequential to the suggestions I have made. I am also not diagnosing his potential for sex addition. I'm giving constructive advice to the OP.

wrote :
It was a thrill for her to get him off and now it's a task that she no longer wants to perform. What did he do wrong? He tried bribing her and enticing her to no avail.
what he has 'done wrong' is bribe and entice a 'partner' instead of treating her as a partner in a relationship. If you don't get that, then you just don't get it...not my problem

wrote :
She is the the that has changed the dynamic of the relationship.
News Flash: every relationship changes thru time. Expecting the same person at age 22 as age 32, as age 42 etc etc is foolish and immature.
if we as people don't change then we remain childish.
wrote :
What do you like to do in your spare time? Roxy.................................
why thanks for asking! but you're not my type.
- November 19th, 2009, 04:58 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
@ Harvey..the OP never indicated she was married..she has written 'partner' on her post. and how can you possibly diagnose the potential for his sex addition from a post by his partner. She is asking a question on the potential of his being a sex addict, which may or may not be factual.


I am not the person asking the question..what I have or haven't done is inconsequential to the suggestions I have made. I am also not diagnosing his potential for sex addition. I'm giving constructive advice to the OP.


what he has 'done wrong' is bribe and entice a 'partner' instead of treating her as a partner in a relationship. If you don't get that, then you just don't get it...not my problem


News Flash: every relationship changes thru time. Expecting the same person at age 22 as age 32, as age 42 etc etc is foolish and immature.
if we as people don't change then we remain childish.

why thanks for asking! but you're not my type.
Roxy, don't take the post or yourself seriously! Learn to develop a sense of humor! Life is to short to waste it being snotty.

Harvey7.
- November 20th, 2009, 11:15 am
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RoxyRedhead RoxyRedhead is offline
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RoxyRedhead Shirley-thats not Roxy!

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@Harvey..my sense of humor is quite well developed, thank you.
Were you being humorous when you suggested the OP was in the wrong for changing?
When you indicated it was appropriate for her partner to treat her sexual favors as something to purchase?
If so I apologize for misreading your intent..and perhaps, if you are really joking when you make that type of silly chauvinistic proclamation you should insert a j/k so some of we more obtuse readers get that you're being funny
- November 20th, 2009, 01:20 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
@Harvey..my sense of humor is quite well developed, thank you.
Were you being humorous when you suggested the OP was in the wrong for changing?
When you indicated it was appropriate for her partner to treat her sexual favors as something to purchase?
If so I apologize for misreading your intent..and perhaps, if you are really joking when you make that type of silly chauvinistic proclamation you should insert a j/k so some of we more obtuse readers get that you're being funny
If I have to insert j/k then sarcastic wit falls short being funny. I take it that you have a dry sense of humor like sand paper! I stand by my posts and I would say your lack of real life experience leads to the silly chauvinistic proclamation issue, which is not really an issue. She has changed and their living arrangements have become stressful. He is trying to understand why is he being punished with the loss of sexual gratification from his lover?

She has not communicated with him as to what the problem is, not has she gone to see a doctor for a check up or even suggested some type of couples counseling!
Yet, she is accusing him of being a sex addict? Is that how a relationship should work?

Harvey7.
- November 20th, 2009, 05:24 pm
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littlebluemonkeymind littlebluemonkeymind is offline
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Harvey7 wrote :
Roxy, don't take the post or yourself seriously! Learn to develop a sense of humor! Life is to short to waste it being snotty.

Harvey7.

Harvey, there is nothing humorous about a woman who is in (according to her statements) an abusive relationship with a man who is forcing sex against her will. Learn to develop some judgment about when humor is appropriate. Life is too short to waste it being an .

LBMM
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; November 20th, 2009 at 05:40 pm.
- November 20th, 2009, 05:38 pm
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