betrayed2x is offline betrayed2x Post #1  November 14,2009, 5:46am
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My soon to be husband and I have a mutual female friend that is making me want to poke out her eyes. See, we all used to work together and text msg each other. When my guy and I got together 3 years ago, all of his female friends and my male friends respected our new found love. Now this "friend", and my guy are spending countless hours and 1000's of txt msgs each mth. I've read them and they are innocent msgs. The problem is that when (if) I text or call him, he is too busy working, or he just doesn't respond. He talked to her 2 mths ago, after I presented him with a color-coded spreadsheet displaying the 1933 msgs (to/from) in 1 month. He told her it was out of hand and he didn't realize it. She slowed down and he stopped responding, but this month they are right back at it full speed. I can see his usage online. I look EVERYDAY to see how many from the day before. I have tried to stop speaking of this annoying issue but this is over the boundries of a "friend". I have also spoke to her and asked her to stop. NO GO!!!
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  November 14,2009, 12:02pm
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If these messages are innocent and you can see them...hes not hiding anything from you.

If you had these records of the text message. Do you have records showing he text her back but ignored your text to him a minute later? If that is the case then I would be talking to him about that.

How is he with texting others?
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #3  November 14,2009, 12:34pm
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I would not like it. You either need to put up or shut up. It seems like he is not willing to consider your feelings so...your call. His actions speak that he is going to do what makes him happy and that is a talking to another woman.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #4  November 14,2009, 12:58pm
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I can't help but wonder what ARE they talking about? Is it work? Do they still work together and you work elsewhere? Sound like a couple of kids to me, teenagers are bad for that.

If it is innocent, I wouldn't worry about it. The only thing that would bother me is if he did not answer mine with the same speed - unless their text-o-rama is work related.

Are they texting each other all the time, or just at work? About work?

Need a little more info here, I think. Depending on what that info is, you just might be overreacting.

JMHO

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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  November 14,2009, 1:12pm
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the real issue here sounds to me like why isn't he responding your text messages. You need to ask some questions BUT not in an accusing way. You won't get anywhere with confrontation. You need him to open up with you about what's going on with the two of you. You need to go at it sideways a bit and see if you can open the lines of communication.

That's assuming all the messages are innocent as you say ...

Is he sharing his emotions and so forth about his day? That'd be over the line, into an emotional affair. He should be sharing those kinds of things with YOU.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  November 14,2009, 1:28pm

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What is the problem? He likes txting with her more then respecting your wishes, not to do so? Would you say that your jealousy is out of control? Why are you checking the usage of his cell phone and do you pay the bills?

Since the text are mostly business related and non-romantic, what is the problem? The problem is one of control, right?

You want to control him, but she has been controlling him and it's driving you crazy with rage and jealousy! He is totally disrespecting you but not listening to your jealous demands.

Control issues are interesting the more that you try the less power you seem to have over the people and the situations.

The solution is simple the only control that you have control of is "Self Control". It's time to get some therapy to regain control of your raging emotions or you'll never hear the wedding Bells with his guy! Then you can invite him to join you in couples counseling to understand the problem and improve communications. Got a better solution?

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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  November 14,2009, 8:23pm
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Red Flag...what makes you think that problems before marriage are going to get better after tying the knot? Hmmm..."Ha now you're trapped and you are forced to listen to me!".....I don't think so. Couples therapy is not only for people with rings on their fingers....get this issue resolved before you solidify things so that you begin things on the right foot from the get go and on the "same page"I personally wouldn't be happy feeling I couldn't trust my mate and having to second guess and "monitor" them. I like the way people feel that their life can continue as is and with no changes upon entering an exclusive relationship. If anything the scenario should play out vise versa....the "friend" should be writing a thread about how her guy friend entered an exclusive relationship and now he has no time to text/speak to her and then we can kindly explain what an exclusive relationship means. If you are a faith based couple I encourage you to speak to any pastor of any faith and let me know if they deviated from this concept Harvey....you are way off the mark with this one...I seriously doubt these were all business related...much like my own co-worker who makes up countless excuses why he needs my help or feels he needs to "help" me with things and "accidentally" touches my hand on more than one occasion. No one else in the office seems to have these "problems" except him. He does it because he knows he can and no one in authority is going to stop him. Put your foot down now my dear so that you establish clear boundaries and show your significant other that this relationship and his respect are valuable to you. (I would tell you what a puertorican woman would do in this situation...but it is neither Godly nor legal in most states )
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #8  November 14,2009, 10:33pm
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She continues to text him because he continues to respond.

He continues to respond to her despite the fact that he knows it upsets you so much because in his mind, communicating with her is more important than your feelings in this matter.

Red flag +1.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  November 15,2009, 6:02am
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betrayed2x wrote :
My soon to be husband

I would reconsider this decision.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #10  November 15,2009, 6:41am
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This is one of my favorite bits of wisdom: We teach people how to treat us.
You are teaching him that it is okay to disrespect you, okay to ignore your concerns and your discomfort, okay to continue practices that undermine the bond between the two of you. When you bring it up more than a couple of times you are entering into that horror of horrors - Nagville. And Nagville is the first city on the way to Loveless Town. If we 'nag' we are saying that the only consequence our partner will face for ignoring our feelings is a bunch of words. And every single one of us has been expert at tuning out words from first grade on. Walk girl, walk fast and only except from life the best or you will have thrown it all away.
 
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