Dumps me but says she could see it working?


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thatsroni is offline thatsroni Post #1  November 11,2009, 3:39pm
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So I was dating this girl for the past three months. Best three months of my life. Haven't felt this way about a girl in over three years. She was telling me how great I was and how exciting I made her life etc.

All of a sudden she just flipped a switch. She told me everything she looks for in a guy she sees in me and she could see a serious relationship working between us. BUT she's not in a position to be in a serious relationship right now. She also said she loves spending time with me and would want to be friends and still hang out but not commit to a serious relationship but would understand if I didn't want to hang out and she doesn't want me to wait around for her. She also said she is not seeing anybody else nor has feelings for anyone else.

I'm having a hard time putting my feelings behind me since she left it with me that way. I can't tell if its a bunch of BS. How does one flip a switch like that over night? I feel like it would have been easier if she just told me it woudn't work and/or she was seeing someone else. How do I get past this and do I hang out with her if she follows up with me? Right now I don't plan on contacting her...so many mixed feelings I wish had the mind set to not think about it all day...I've never felt anxiety like this before as I like her so much.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #2  November 11,2009, 4:09pm
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im so sorry to hear you are going through that.
if she says she is no position to be in a relationship, i would assume she is going through ""other stuff"" that is making her feel that way.
is she still recovering from another relationship? is she looking to put more effort into her career and wants to focus on that? i dont know what her reason is.... but it is a good thing that she let you know that she does not feel ready rather than leading you along. she is being honest about it anyway.

have you asked her what her reason for not being ready is?
i know it is hard to pull back when you think you found someone that feels so good for you... maybe you could see her occasionally but also keep dating others at the same time. in other words, keep the door open but keep your options open to meeting others as well.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  November 11,2009, 4:26pm
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Take her at her word. She's unavailable to you for multiple reasons. She says what she means, and she means what she says. So don't try to excuse her for it, but accept what she's saying.

How do I get past this and do I hang out with her if she follows up with me?
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #4  November 11,2009, 5:49pm
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Whenever a person says not to wait around for them it means they no longer want to tie you up and you need to consider it over.

It could be maybe she will change her mind, or her perspective ...but I have told many guys not to wait for me and to see other people and I wouldn't date any of them now, she is trying to be nice but it isn't nice because you are confused.

You will only get hurt here, it sounds like she has checked out. I am sorry, I hope I am wrong!!!
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  November 11,2009, 5:57pm

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indigirl1975 wrote :
Whenever a person says not to wait around for them it means they no longer want to tie you up and you need to consider it over.

she is trying to be nice but it isn't nice because you are confused.
+1

She is telling what she thinks you want to hear.

Personally I'd rather have a person be blunt about it.. Sure you may hurt my feelings, but I'll get over it!

Thatsroni.. I know how you feel, I've been in your situation. It suks.. This is where thick skin comes in handy..
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #6  November 11,2009, 6:04pm
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Bummer. As much as it hurts, it would be best to accept that this one is over. Believe her, even if her "reason" seems lame and makes no sense. For whatever reason, she does not want to be in a relationship with you. I say mourn it for a week at the most and move on.

Sorry it hurts. Best of luck to you.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #7  November 11,2009, 8:25pm
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Sorry she is being such a female dog to you. Trust me, someone better has come along. Don't believe a word of what she says. Cut her out.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #8  November 12,2009, 12:29am
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thatsroni wrote :
So I was dating this girl for the past three months. Best three months of my life. Haven't felt this way about a girl in over three years. She was telling me how great I was and how exciting I made her life etc.

All of a sudden she just flipped a switch. She told me everything she looks for in a guy she sees in me and she could see a serious relationship working between us. BUT she's not in a position to be in a serious relationship right now. She also said she loves spending time with me and would want to be friends and still hang out but not commit to a serious relationship but would understand if I didn't want to hang out and she doesn't want me to wait around for her. She also said she is not seeing anybody else nor has feelings for anyone else.

I'm having a hard time putting my feelings behind me since she left it with me that way. I can't tell if its a bunch of BS. How does one flip a switch like that over night? I feel like it would have been easier if she just told me it woudn't work and/or she was seeing someone else. How do I get past this and do I hang out with her if she follows up with me? Right now I don't plan on contacting her...so many mixed feelings I wish had the mind set to not think about it all day...I've never felt anxiety like this before as I like her so much.
Yeah, it's a negativity sandwich + - +

Here's the recipe:
1. Add something positive. "I really think you're funny/smart/attractive."
2. Add a negation of some sort "But/however/It's just that, I'm not attracted to you anymore..."
3. Add a positive. "You're a great guy and I enjoyed all of our time together, so I'd like to be friends. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"

I think it's a coward's way to breakup. It's meant to be nice; however, it's cruel because it's misleading and incongruent. Try to ignore the compliments and just listen to the main message. It's like you don't feel totally rejected, because they are not being blunt. That's what sucks about the negativity samitch.

It's screwed up how someone can flip a switch like that. I know, I've been there. I'd recommend not contacting her. Maybe she'll miss you and things will change, maybe not. If you try contacting her for answers, you'll just annoy her.
 
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BillSut is offline BillSut Post #9  November 12,2009, 3:09am
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I've had a few women do this to me but there was no offer to hang out. I met them on eharmony and one of them is almost identical to me in every area. They told me I was the guy they've been looking for. That I met all of their requirements for "the one". Then that switch flipped and they were done. I can understand someone thinking I'm not for them but why tell me I'm the perfect fit for them? If it was something I did, I couldn't get them to be honest and tell me what it was. Very discouraging. I know how you feel.
 
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