how do you ever really know??


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #1  November 11,2009, 1:26pm
kat5560's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 347

See profile

after reading the "guys 40.50 i need your input please" thread.....
it made me think of another subject when it comes to guys not having been healed yet.....

so they still mourn the loss of their ex wives,,
but seem crazy about you.
they still hurt over what the ex did,,
but you and he seems perfect together,,
in fact, he """ACTS"" like he is in love with you in everyway.
and if we stay.... boom down the road we sit there looking confused over why it did not work out. (after all , it all looked and felt so good and right)....

the after effect,,, is here we women sit, not knowing how to tell anymore if a man is really that into you, loves you, wants only you.
i mean geez, if it felt so right, felt so good, maybe even for years,,,
then how do we ever really know??

and i dont necsarrily mean "how do you know when there is a problem"... yes i know all the "signs" of that now.
what i mean, is how do you know and trust when something feels really good and right,, that a man isnt just making it "look" that way when it really isnt????
once burned... how you do really know the difference??
 
  Reply With Quote
flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #2  November 11,2009, 2:49pm
flowerchild66's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 336

See profile

Time will tell. His actions will align consistently with his words and you'll feel respected and valued.

On your end you have to open your eyes and assess the relationship in front of you as it is instead of what you would like it to be, meaning don't make excuses, deal with the reality as it presents itself.
 
  Reply With Quote
alissag is offline alissag Post #3  November 11,2009, 2:57pm
alissag's Avatar

Life's not about weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain!

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2009

RSM, CA

Posts: 241

See profile

once burned... how you do really know the difference??

Honestly, you don't, no one ever does. You make the best decisions you can based on your knowledge and life experience. You can't walk through life being scared of getting burned, you'll never experience life.

There aren't any guarantees! But, I'll go 'all in' every time if it means I get to experience and have that feeling again, actually be in love.

Like the famous saying, better to have love and lost, than never to have loved at all. (Tennyson if I remember correctly, but literature has never been my forte. I'm sure you all will correct me, the boards are good like that)
Last edited by alissag; November 11,2009 at 3:00pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #4  November 12,2009, 8:30am
Mokkesofie's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 8,463

See profile

You don't really know. I dated someone for 2 years who I was deeply in-love with, he told me he was in-love with me and wanted me to move in with him. He told me how happy he was and how much he looked forward to living with me. Then one day I got a phone call and he said his ex wanted to come back and give it another try and that he would do that. "We still love each other", he said. So no, you really don't know.
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  November 12,2009, 12:35pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

Unfortunately, I don't think there's ever any certainties about some things in life. While some men seem to have no problem getting over their ex-wives/ex-girlfriends, others seem to want love but just can't seem to go there. Unfortunately, signs and signals aren't always predictors, because if something is holding them back it will eventually continue to do so, and then in the end, right about the time we "fall," we get hurt. In all fairness to men, though, I know plenty of women who have done the same exact thing to men, as well.

I don't know if there is an answer as to how to spot this. Approaching everything with your eyes wide open is a great theory, and it used to be mine, until I realized that even with my eyes wide open I was still finding myself in this situation at times. I think alissag is right, though--life is all about risks in everything you do, and for me that includes relationships most of all. It isn't always an easy task to get close to me sometimes, but when it happens and the end result is me getting burned, I tend to want to withdraw. However, I keep putting myself back out there once I collect myself again, because I think a life without some love and some risk just isn't worth very much. If that means I get burned along the way, well, then I get burned along the way. But maybe one time that won't happen. And maybe one time I'll end up happier than I thought I could be. I like that alternative much better than spending my twilight years sad, alone, and wondering, "Gee, I wonder what if...?"
Last edited by brneyedangel; November 12,2009 at 3:14pm. Reason: it's nice to include ALL of the words in the sentences. :)
 
  Reply With Quote
indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #6  November 12,2009, 5:10pm
indigirl1975's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2008

Indiana

Posts: 329

See profile

You never really know, and even if they do love you they can stop at any time. Love is fun!
 
  Reply With Quote
dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #7  November 15,2009, 6:52am
dietpepsi's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 295

See profile

Can't explain, but the indicator I use to assess how _I know_ is by how much time I spend with him. Time is my most precious resource right now, so I'm very conscious of how I use it. If I'm not devoting it to my career, then it's on my health, home, or most important people in my life. I don't have time to mess around and I wouldn't be around anyone (romantic, colleagues, friends or family) that I don't have a future with.

That most important resource varies from person to person. To some, it's money and not time. (For others, it's time and not money. So if you encounter someone who spends money on you but not time, that's a red flag.)

You just have to figure out what's important to you and the other person, and if you're willing to compromise and share that with each other -- then you're onto something.
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #8  November 26,2009, 3:33pm
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,764

See profile

I agree with the rest... you NEVER KNOW (from the outset). All we can do is be observant, and trust ourselves as we go through it, and deal with it when "flags" and concerns come up.

And definitely, learn from our mistakes and realize what the "signs" are and trust when we see "signs". Signs don't lie.

Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #9  November 26,2009, 8:21pm
FruitaBu's Avatar

is happy.

Virtuoso

Joined: Mar 2008

Florida

Posts: 2,668

See profile

You will never know or have full certainty. Life and love is an adventure. Part of the beauty and joy of our journey is not knowing.

I think the only way to make better choices is to watch what people do instead of listen to what they say. When a person shows you who they are by their actions.. believe them! Don't make excuses for them in your own mind. Look at people and at yourself very honestly and make decisions based on facts and not emotions when possible.

Of course this is all easier said than done...
 
  Reply With Quote
beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #10  November 27,2009, 8:34am
beautifulgeni…'s Avatar

Celebrating life without regrets...

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Albany, Oregon

Posts: 1,357

See profile

We all live in this life, to learn to love. We can fool ourselves into thinking everything is alright, and all the signs were there that it wasn't to begin with. I've done that as much as anyone, and through that I 've learned that you have to be willing to speak up, and say " something just doesn't seem right here, and I need some clarification". And if it's not right, you have to either learn to live with it ( for hopefully a short time) and then leave. I have gone both ways. I've lived with it for only so many years, and then I chose to leave and get myself a better more fulfilling life. You may know these word of advice as well, you create your heaven or hell. It's your choice, and that's why we have power of choice.

Sometimes I find it overwhelming and hard to deal with, and that's when I need someone to tell me, and give me new perspective on the situation. Make yourself step out of it, if you find it hard to believe. And actions do speak louder than words, in fact believe them more than the words.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Growing into a relationships or a “regular gig”. | Relationships | Can someone explain since he never did!? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:10am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0