Iconography is offline Iconography Post #1  November 11,2009, 4:06am
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got her own goat!

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This is a general-purpose question for (or about) the guys:

If a woman has a question about some aspect of your relationship (and let's extend "relationship" to include friendship), and you know she's going to ask you a question about your relationship (though you don't necessarily know what, specifically), do you prefer that:

1) she cut right to the chase and ask the question bluntly, and leave context for further along in the conversation?

or

2) would you prefer to be briefed (briefly!) on the context as a lead-up to the question?

or does it entirely depend?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  November 11,2009, 5:15am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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Good question.

I don't care for beating around the bush too much so let's cut to the chase. During the relationship, I've probably already developed the feelings that would answer any question so I don't think I need any lead-in. So just ask.

Then let's get back to having fun.

What is it you'd like to know, sweetie?
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  November 11,2009, 6:02am

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Ya.. please don't beat around the bush, I prefer the questions be asked blunty. My closest relationships were because my SO was not afraid to 'just ask' ..I was happy to answer them.

When you see that these questions are coming further down the line in a conversation.. it's like you're staring at a slot machine waiting for the three cherries to line up. darn it! just ask already... will ya!
 
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Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #4  November 11,2009, 6:04am
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What is the context?
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  November 11,2009, 6:06am
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got her own goat!

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Thanks, guys! That's what I thought. (And Tweet, I shouldn't have to even ASK you... )
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #6  November 11,2009, 6:14am
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got her own goat!

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Ah... leave it to a fellow woman to ask for the context! In brief, I think I've been "friended." Signals are mixed, and at such distance, it gets especially confusing. This is, as many of you know, a long-distance match of more than two months' standing; we haven't met in person yet. Most but by no means all of our communication has been e-mail, though with any luck there will be a phone call tonight, before he departs for his next "tour of duty" tomorrow. I have told him I'd rather address an important question through a "live" medium--phone or Skype--rather than in e-mail. And yes, I did tell him I'd be cutting to the chase; context for later, if necessary. One way or another, sooner or later, we'll probably both get some kind of chuckle out of this.

We both think there's little question that we'd make fine "friend-friends" (this did come up in a conversation a long while back), but really at this stage I need to know what he's thinking rather than merely what he seems to be thinking.
Last edited by Iconography; November 11,2009 at 6:19am. Reason: clarifying a point & correcting my math! & then clarifying another point
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #7  November 11,2009, 8:21am
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Iconography wrote :
1) she cut right to the chase and ask the question bluntly, and leave context for further along in the conversation?
that is your answer
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  November 11,2009, 9:08am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Iconography wrote :
Ah... leave it to a fellow woman to ask for the context! In brief, I think I've been "friended." Signals are mixed, and at such distance, it gets especially confusing. This is, as many of you know, a long-distance match of more than two months' standing; we haven't met in person yet. Most but by no means all of our communication has been e-mail, though with any luck there will be a phone call tonight, before he departs for his next "tour of duty" tomorrow. I have told him I'd rather address an important question through a "live" medium--phone or Skype--rather than in e-mail. And yes, I did tell him I'd be cutting to the chase; context for later, if necessary. One way or another, sooner or later, we'll probably both get some kind of chuckle out of this.

We both think there's little question that we'd make fine "friend-friends" (this did come up in a conversation a long while back), but really at this stage I need to know what he's thinking rather than merely what he seems to be thinking.
I still don't know what 'context' you'd possibly need to give him. It sounds like you just want to find out if he considers you only for a friendship rather than a romantic relationship.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  November 11,2009, 9:16am
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Hi Iconography ... I like your new avatar!

Having read your previous thread in About You, I'm wondering if there's some nervousness happening as the time of your meeting approaches? Perhaps on both your parts?

You might consider just waiting until you're in-person and see what happens. Why make a decision about what this relationship will be, until it's actually happening? Do you really need to know, right now? I think an aspect of online dating, especially long-distance, is that you can establish some basics over the internet, but really you don't know about relationship potential until you meet. So I don't think either of you really could say, before meeting, whether this will be just-friends or not. So why ask?

Maybe it would be more fruitful to use Skype ahead of time just to say, I'm feeling kind of nervous about meeting, or I'm wondering where this will all lead, etc.?
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #10  November 11,2009, 9:22am
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got her own goat!

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Thank you, Notyet!

Jayjay, yes, indeed, that's exactly what I need to find out. It was crystal clear earlier (an enthusiastic yes! to romantic potential), but the waters have seemed muddy in the last week or two. The context for the question is what's compelling me to ask it.
 
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