saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #1  November 10,2009, 9:31am
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What's the opinion on prenups?

I'm not looking for snooty remarks. I'm talking serious business here.

Me, I lost big in my first divorce. I'm afraid of marriage, but not commitment.

Afraid? No, I'm not afraid. Afraid is what you are if you're covered in spiders and snakes and rats, being lowered by your fingernails into a pit of lava while a thousand natives shoot poison darts at you.

Marriage is far worse than that.

I'm terrified of marriage. Petrified. Nullified and mummified. Marriage is the wrath of God Almighty to me.

It's my hand basket, see, and I've been there, done that.

I'm thinking the only way I'd ever be comfortable in a marriage is if I had some insurance that she wasn't going to "change her mind" one day, and take half my sh.t, and make me sell the other half to pay down debt, knocking me back ~another~ ten years, financially speaking.

I'm afraid I'd never get to retirement. Or financial stability.

Ladies: Would you balk at a guy who wanted a prenup?

Guys: Have you ever done one, or do you know of anyone who has?

Prenup, not prenut. It's not that sorta thread, though I usually enjoy the latter far more than the former.


- Saul
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  November 10,2009, 9:39am

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I think Last12C wrote a good post about this...I can't find it though.

I'm afraid of marriage, but not commitment --Good statement, which I share. I've seen too much also.

I tested the water with a friend. She said she'd be offended.

If wife and husband come from similar socio-economic, it might be a slightly different story.

My parents don't have one. I have a friend (found his recent love from EH), got taken to the cleaners by ex, swears that prenup would be the first thing he'll do if he ever gets married. My bro was working on a post-nuptial a couple years ago after his marriage almost became a statistic.

I think I do know a couple people with prenup. Both came from divorced marriages and very mature and not personal about money. Both own businesses and financially self sufficient.
Last edited by PY_2; November 10,2009 at 9:43am.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #3  November 10,2009, 9:50am
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I would support it. Too many people get their knickers in a knot worrying about what may or may not happen.
 
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1sttimer is offline 1sttimer Post #4  November 10,2009, 10:01am
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I support it!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  November 10,2009, 10:21am
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Probably not so crucial for younger people setting out on their first marriage, who don't own much and have a lot of time left before old age hits.

I live in california, a no-fault, 50-50 community property state and am 55. I would check with a lawyer on whether I needed to do something legal to separate out things like the house I already bought, etc. ... it's possible it would already be legally excluded? I assume some states are different, and that would be a factor. I'd definitely take steps to protect my old age, pre-nup or whatever.
 
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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #6  November 10,2009, 10:25am
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Guys...you know my answer to this question being a matrimonial lawyer........
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  November 10,2009, 11:03am
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When I was younger I was horrified at the very idea! Now, not so much.

I divorced my first husband. It was a friendly divorce. We didn't fight over assets. But I do understand those divorces can be rare.

I see it as a Trust issue, really. Do you trust the other? If not, well, what the Heck are you doing there, considering marriage with somebody you don't quite.....trust.

Most of what I have is tied up in Trusts, now, anyway, and probably protected. So I don't think I need to worry for myself or my heirs.

That said, if there were a man I really wanted to marry, and he really needed that Pre-Nuptial Agreement to feel secure.....Yes, whatever it takes! I'd keep my eye on the goal.

But I would have my own Attorney look it over, explain it to me in plain language, so that I was quite clear on exactly where I stand.

And he might have to give me a better Engagement ring!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #8  November 10,2009, 1:54pm
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I expect a prenup in my situation. My girlfriend is worth substantially more than me. She knows i don't care about the money, and I don't. However, the prenup will do wonders to sooth her family situation which will already be a thorn in our side as it is.

Its complicated but I'm comfortable that we will hash out all the details when the time comes. To me, its about equity, and I understand that if our marriage does not succeed, I should not "profit" from her. But at the same time, if we build something together, and we fall apart, I'm entitled to half of what we built. Also, if I have to live above my means, so she's comfortable, I shouldn't be at a loss if the marriage fails, when she clearly gains. Its about equity and fairness.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  November 10,2009, 3:00pm
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mari3434 wrote :
Guys...you know my answer to this question being a matrimonial lawyer........

Everyone should just live in sin?
 
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empress_c is offline empress_c Post #10  November 10,2009, 3:04pm
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I believe it's an excellent idea.

There were several sarcastic comments I was going to make, but then I realized this is serious, not funny at all. People are unpredictible, especially when $$$$ is a consideration. Who pays the bill$, who gets what, and the emotional reactions to these and other questions is best decided before Forever becomes Get OUT of My Life!

While the question, "What happens when you don't want me anymore?" is a bit blunt to be asked in those exact words, the answer should be in writting. After all, if it's settled in the beginning, there may be more left at The End if most of the $$$$ aren't spent on lawyers. And, the anger, bitterness, etc. just may be less.
 
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