indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #1  November 9,2009, 12:54pm
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I always believe in tough love so I am going to ask you total strangers to just let me have it.

I have been on and off with someone for 3 years. When it comes to a point of moving into something serious he cools off and I get out. We have done this more times than I can count...I honestly could not tell you. He always comes back and yes there are major complications such as he is a widower raising two babies by himself...anyways it never works.

I always try to end things nicely and this time I sent him a text a week later saying I will always love him and I was sorry and I wish him only the best...ok his reply was this: Thank you.

That is it. He hates me right? I didn't say anything else but what I would like to of said is you are the love of my life and my life without you sucks and I want to be with you and make it work...but that would of been easy and I have problems with expressing myself sometimes...plus could you imagine getting another thank you??? Maybe he will come back again.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #2  November 9,2009, 12:57pm
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Why do things never work? What is the main issue from your viewpoint?


** I got a "best wishes" email once. Gotta love the short, distant replies. Arghh.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  November 9,2009, 12:58pm

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indigirl1975 wrote :
I always believe in tough love so I am going to ask you total strangers to just let me have it.

I have been on and off with someone for 3 years. When it comes to a point of moving into something serious he cools off and I get out. We have done this more times than I can count...I honestly could not tell you. He always comes back and yes there are major complications such as he is a widower raising two babies by himself...anyways it never works.

I always try to end things nicely and this time I sent him a text a week later saying I will always love him and I was sorry and I wish him only the best...ok his reply was this: Thank you.

That is it. He hates me right? I didn't say anything else but what I would like to of said is you are the love of my life and my life without you sucks and I want to be with you and make it work...but that would of been easy and I have problems with expressing myself sometimes...plus could you imagine getting another thank you??? Maybe he will come back again.
Nope he doesn't hate you, but I can feel the breathe sigh of relief from him that the break up was amicable.

Don't say one thing and later on thinking "I wish he would've known my true feelings because I would've said it differently"

Men (contrary to popular belief) are not mind-reader

So you can take a risk in telling him your true feelings...right now you kinda miserable anyway right? So you got nothing to lose...just wait for a few days then tell him you've got some time to think, etc...and see if he reciprocates (make him a nice meat loaf dinner or sumthin'...that almost always works too!)
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  November 9,2009, 12:59pm
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So is this what you're asking?

he is the love of my life and I want this relationship to become serious, but I'm afraid he'll say no, or something non-responsive like "thank you", so what do I do?

I'm not sure what your question is...
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  November 9,2009, 1:02pm
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indigirl1975 wrote :
I always believe in tough love so I am going to ask you total strangers to just let me have it.

I have been on and off with someone for 3 years. When it comes to a point of moving into something serious he cools off and I get out. We have done this more times than I can count...I honestly could not tell you. He always comes back and yes there are major complications such as he is a widower raising two babies by himself...anyways it never works.

I always try to end things nicely and this time I sent him a text a week later saying I will always love him and I was sorry and I wish him only the best...ok his reply was this: Thank you.

That is it. He hates me right? I didn't say anything else but what I would like to of said is you are the love of my life and my life without you sucks and I want to be with you and make it work...but that would of been easy and I have problems with expressing myself sometimes...plus could you imagine getting another thank you??? Maybe he will come back again.

I think this is a pretty good line if he's a player. Thank you doesn't commit him to anything and yet how could you possibly be offended, after all he said thank you ... this makes it all amicable and good so the door's still open later if he wants back in.

My response to him would be "Hey, I did not just pass you the salt and pepper. Now get in this relationship, or get out."

Or you could just let silence be your message if you want the door to remain open.
Last edited by nightling; November 9,2009 at 1:06pm.
 
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thefastcat is offline thefastcat Post #6  November 9,2009, 1:05pm
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sounds like the practical realites of the situation (windower, babies) are for the 3rd time trumping the romance. I think you need closure that he is unwilling to make things work (since you seem very eager to try to make things work). You should confront him and tell him your feelings and ask if he wants to be with you or he is likes things the way they are. I think he has already told you by saying "thank you"
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  November 9,2009, 1:05pm

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nightling wrote :

My response to him would be "Hey, I did not just pass you the salt and pepper. Now get in this relationship, or get out."


I will have to say though that's very nice that at least you give him two choices!
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #8  November 9,2009, 1:06pm
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I guess I want to know what you guys think about the Thank you. I think best wishes back would of been better...sometimes he refuses to say goodbye...since I know him, I think the thank you was him being cold and distant but I guess no response would of been worse?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  November 9,2009, 1:07pm
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indigirl1975 wrote :
I guess I want to know what you guys think about the Thank you. I think best wishes back would of been better...sometimes he refuses to say goodbye...since I know him, I think the thank you was him being cold and distant but I guess no response would of been worse?
I think thank you is a player's way of deflecting affection.
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #10  November 9,2009, 1:08pm
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Sorry it posted twice
Last edited by indigirl1975; November 9,2009 at 1:11pm. Reason: posted two times
 
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