EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #31  November 9,2009, 6:00pm
EMTZ's Avatar

has quickly adapted back to her lazy lifestyle

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 2,553

See profile

indigirl1975 wrote :
Yes I am about the worst woman to love. I just can't stick around, even with the love of my life. I hope one day I can change. I just want him to be happy. I hope he is always happy.
To be brutal, I don't think this is true. From your description of his actions towards you, I don't think he loves you. I believe if he has shown that he loves you and has shown that he wants to be serious and to have a future with you that you will stick around with him, the love of your life. So I really don't think you need to change in this aspect.

What I am sensing from this post, however, is that it is tough for you to admit that he probably does not love you, so it is less hurtful to make yourself believe that you are the one who won't stick around, instead of admitting that he doesn't feel as deeply for you as you do for him.

I personally believe that if you can make yourself accept that he is not emotionally that into you, it will be much easier for you to move on and find someone else who is the love of your life, and feels the same about you. There is nothing one can do if the other does not feel the same way towards us. Even supermodels can't always make the guy they want propose to them

In short: dump him and stop hoping that he will ask you back.
Last edited by EMTZ; November 9,2009 at 6:02pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #32  November 9,2009, 6:18pm
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile

I've gotten "Good luck in your search" a couple of times. That one really stinks. His "Thank You" sounds like nothing more than that he's just done trying.

But you have to ask yourself why you have broken up over and over again. Are you trying to make something work that shouldn't? Just having feelings for someone isn't enough. Honestly, I would move on and not worry about what he meant. In the long run, it really isn't all that important and won't matter 10 years from now.
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #33  November 9,2009, 7:50pm
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile

scarlet13 wrote :
who cares what he said, or if he was being cold and distant? you two no longer have a relationship, so you don't have to analyse every word he says.

you can't place your morals and ethics on someone else and blame them for not measuring up- just because you would say best wishes doesn't mean he is obligated to- or he's a jerk when he doesn't say it.
This is right on the money.

If you ended things, it ultimately doesn't matter what he meant or didn't mean. Don't waste your energy on meaningless speculation. Put your energy into moving forward. It's pretty obvious from your various posts that he's not interested in any sort of meaningful partnership with you - the fact that in three years you never met his kids speaks volumes. Find someone who wants to be with you instead of clinging on to this guy.
 
  Reply With Quote
bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #34  November 9,2009, 8:17pm
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,077

See profile

indigirl1975 wrote :
I guess I want to know what you guys think about the Thank you. I think best wishes back would of been better...sometimes he refuses to say goodbye...since I know him, I think the thank you was him being cold and distant but I guess no response would of been worse?
I don't think that it is cold & distant.

I don't think that you left him with much to say.

You ended it (which is likely a decent idea) & wished him well.

Your statement was pretty closed-ended & matter of fact & doesn't leave much options for response. Your statement does not come across as being emotional so I think that it would be more odd if his response to it did.

I am also sure that he would expect that no matter what that it was NOT goodbye. Regardless of the end of the relationship would he expect to never hear from you again?? He could think that you have unfinished business in whatever form that comes in.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #35  November 9,2009, 8:53pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

Gumbee wrote :
Mom again, here. Tough love you say? *Maybe* he was offended that you ended a three year (albeit on-again/off-again) relationship via a text message. What else could he say?

Reminds me of the Sex In The City episode where Burger broke up with Carie on a Post-It note.

I'm just speculating...

Love,

Mom
Dear mommy Gumbee,
For most of the other posts slamming the guy without giving the OP any advise for self improvement and reflection, I thank you for your post.
 
  Reply With Quote
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #36  November 9,2009, 9:38pm
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile

three years and you didn't meet his kids? you don't fight for the relationship?

yeah, "brutal honesty," i'd reconsider myself, if i were you. not you and this guy, just you. and i would totally consider meditative prayer/meditation. you said you had an eating disorder? it sounds, brutally honestly, like your impulses are cross-wired.

we humans are driven by impulse and don't normally notice them directly - that is, we don't normally notice them until we've already formed a rationalization for them. the problem with that is, there's always a range of equally reasonable logical truths but only one of them is ever actually at work. we don't bother to find out which one it is, so long as the rationalization is theoretically true.

i think you need to get between when impulse strikes and settling on a rationalization. and your next relationship should be someone you have clean slate with. i'm sure the guy is great, but not great for you at this point. the relationship patterns are too set. love is only the spark for relationships; it isn't the having of them.
 
  Reply With Quote
indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #37  November 10,2009, 9:52am
indigirl1975's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2008

Indiana

Posts: 329

See profile

Thanks guys! I always handle things with humor so my friend and I just say thank you to each other and laugh...I am not being mean, it's just how I deal.

I imagine if I was to be honest after the text he probably emailed me back from his work (he emailed me about 20 times a day) and it bounced..... because I deleted it. I think from there I got Thank you, maybe I am wrong, I will never know and can't worry about it anymore.

He gave me reasons to break it off but we do care about each other in the way we both can.

As far as his kids...I broke up with him after seeing him for 2 weeks. Then a we got back together and I did it again.....and again and again....we are both to blame but I have a pattern of breaking up with every single guy over and over so I am not rationalizing trying to make it seem like I am the one leaving, I always do. I have a huge fear of being close to someone and when I feel the closest I run. I have done this to every guy I have ever dated. I know I need help it's just that is scary too.


We met at a bad time for both of us, and I do feel like we both cause each other pain. We also make each other very happy. So after all your advice he doesn't seem to hate me, some of you think he doesn't care and all I am fine with that, I just don't want to be any more pain in his life, trust me 100 percent when I say he has gone through a lot, his wife is just the tip of it. I have had my own issues which led to bulimia for 17 so...I will just try to deal with and move on!
Last edited by indigirl1975; November 11,2009 at 7:33am.
 
  Reply With Quote
dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #38  November 10,2009, 12:14pm
dnnmllr's Avatar

"Steady my feet in accord with your promise, Let not iniquity lead me"...

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 1,600

See profile

indigirl1975 wrote :
I always believe in tough love so I am going to ask you total strangers to just let me have it.

I have been on and off with someone for 3 years. When it comes to a point of moving into something serious he cools off and I get out. We have done this more times than I can count...I honestly could not tell you. He always comes back and yes there are major complications such as he is a widower raising two babies by himself...anyways it never works.

I always try to end things nicely and this time I sent him a text a week later saying I will always love him and I was sorry and I wish him only the best...ok his reply was this: Thank you.

That is it. He hates me right? I didn't say anything else but what I would like to of said is you are the love of my life and my life without you sucks and I want to be with you and make it work...but that would of been easy and I have problems with expressing myself sometimes...plus could you imagine getting another thank you??? Maybe he will come back again.
*snip*his reply was this: Thank you.*snip*

It seems he was genuinely grateful to you for your "comment". Remember: Although you seem very "taken" by this fellow, his "feelings" are his own.....be careful not to say something because you are attempting to get a "desired" response from him. If you need to "do all that you can" so that you can say to yourself you "exhausted all avenues".....then act accordingly.

I wish you well.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Question about an ex girlfriend | Relationships | Is there a cure for resentment in a failing marriage? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
where are all the honest men 123hotstuff 40 plus singles 55 August 5,2010 6:43am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:09am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0