Do you think our requirements for a potential partner are excuses?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #1  November 8,2009, 5:24am
OverAnalyzer's Avatar

is trying not to

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

Southern New Hampshire

Posts: 479

See profile

[FONT=Arial]
Last edited by OverAnalyzer; November 8,2009 at 5:26am. Reason: had to fix the copy/paste signs
 
  Reply With Quote
Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #2  November 8,2009, 6:17am
Lilycat's Avatar

Just been lurking for a while....... but back again lol.

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2009

Canada

Posts: 463

See profile

In my case it is academic really as there is no one on the horizon at the moment, so IMHO the only choices I have are to be happy with what I have got. The remainder of the discussion is academic - to try to have a relationship there needs to be someone to have it with, you cannot work at what does not exist......

Does this make me stop trying (looking)? No. If I do not try it will not change, and I would like it to, but there is only so much in that equation that I have control over. Period.

Lilycat
Believes there is always something over the horizon, and quite possibly something good.
Last edited by Lilycat; November 8,2009 at 6:18am. Reason: oops - forgot something as usual lol
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  November 8,2009, 6:33am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

I do not consider my requirements excuses at all: I consider them well-supported essentials of compatibility and adaptations to reality.

As well, when it comes to considering other people, just because someone else does something I would not tolerate, does not mean that his / her partners don’t consider it fine, or even desirable. For example, I would never tolerate a church-going partner, but lots of church-going people have fine relationships; personal choice.

I’ll admit to being tired of trying, and to be increasingly comfortable being single – or more precisely, comfortable that the cost / benefit trade-off makes be single wise.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #4  November 8,2009, 6:34am
Mokkesofie's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 8,463

See profile

I have no lists of MS-CS, I prefer to start a relationship with an open mind and no sets of rules.

In my last relationship I was pleasantly surprised that a few things I before wouldn't have been relaxed about actually from day one became something that never bothered me. And things I would never have done before became something I really enjoyed doing without even thinking about it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Spider is offline Spider Post #5  November 8,2009, 6:49am
Spider's Avatar

got 174 new students this year

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,919

See profile

For some people, having stringent "requirements" may actually be a way of hiding from a relationship.

For others, it can be an acknowledgment of self-awareness and knowing what they will and will not be able to tolerate/
 
  Reply With Quote
cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  November 8,2009, 8:05am

has only threatened to give up

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2007

Up in the NW corner somewhere, but not quite Canada :)

Posts: 7,750

See profile

I think it comes down to 'price of admission' (the title of the thread on the dating forum). I don't like the phrase, but generally it means will you put up with certain things in order to get certain things you really want or need.

In my case I think that is true. I think it is true because the things I want and feel I need are so rare in people, that some of the negatives I can more easily get past, as the negatives are more common.

I would not put up with those 'can't stands' in someone who wasn't pretty great, or who didn't offer some of my more important and sometimes hard to quantify 'must haves'

Most of the time, I stay fairly true to my must haves and can't stands (personally, not neccessarily the ones I list on eh) but in my case if I were very strict about some of my can't stands and one or two must have's, I'd definitley be ruling out the person I'm seeing now. And we did break up in the past because of that.

I think for me it's generally good guidelines and I'd prefer to be with someone that fits with my values, beliefs, and lifestyle.

But sometimes reality seems a bit messier and, even more interesting than I have complete control of! And of course, sometimes what we love doesn't always come in a neat package made to order specifically to our must haves cant stands.

I do, though, think for me it was 'self awareness and maturity' and not being afraid.

But I guess it is also my self awareness that decided, some of the things my current relationship is lacking, is not as important as what it does add to my life. At least so far. I do have fears of the future and how it will all play out based on some of the things I would normally rule someone out over.

I will say, I'm also 32 and I've dated a lot of people. I've never seemed to date anyone that saw eye to eye with me concerning spirituality or religion. I've relaxed on this requirement not so much because I've overlooked it in the person I'm seeing, but, because I do think I might be single forever if I let this criteria be so important. It is important to me, and for me, the challenge becomes to stay true to myeslf ...even while dating someone that may not have the same belief system.

I've met very few men who do believe as I do, even within the same basic religion/tradition. And it does seem most of them are already married!
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #7  November 8,2009, 9:09am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

I didn't have all the must haves and can't stands I listed with the two men in my past that I really loved. So if I can't relax this criterion with new potential partners for the future I might have to accept being alone for a lot longer than I'd prefer.

I also think it's ok to have 'excuses' for a little while. There's probably a lot of us on here who've been hurt and are tentively dipping our toe in the dating pool again. So long as you know it's a phase you can protect yourself however you see fit. Then when you're ready you challenge some of your own more restrictive requirements and adjust as necessary.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  November 8,2009, 9:12am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

OverAnalyzer wrote :
We know so many couples that we offer comments like “I don’t know what he / she sees in him /her, she / he is such a ____, they are always ____-ing, they won’t last, no way would I put up with that.” But these people are in relationships, they are actually doing it, making it work however it works for them.


We are coming up with lists on what we MH-CS, and not long-terming anyone.


So I wonder…are we serious about hooking up with someone or are we okay with being single? Are we complaining about being single because no one else is and we feel we shouldn’t be? Are we settling into our comfortable and predictable lives and actually liking them?


Or are we just tired of trying?
There is the emotional gentleman that you want to share time with and the fantasy man who you want to hold you and to stroke you like a kitten, until you purr!

So what's the problem?

What your really looking for is the man to satisfy
"your Neurotic Needs". it's called scratching your emotional itch.

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  November 8,2009, 9:54am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
and the fantasy man who you want to hold you and to stroke you like a kitten, until you purr!
Delightful Harvey, absolutely delightful. That is exactly what I want made into a sentence.
 
  Reply With Quote
OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #10  November 8,2009, 9:55am
OverAnalyzer's Avatar

is trying not to

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2009

Southern New Hampshire

Posts: 479

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
What your really looking for is the man to satisfy
"your Neurotic Needs". it's called scratching your emotional itch.

Harvey7.
I'm pretty sure unless I put that in a kinky s e x profile I probably wouldn't get many offers:

"Neurotic needs itch scratched"

However, if I remove the "n" and "u" I just may have a chance.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« I think I made a really big mistake, need advice | Relationships | Do I give him a second chance..... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
selecting a partner simplydreamer Intelligent Conversation 20 March 4,2010 4:55pm
Describe your ideal partner, in one word eHA_Admin_Lori About You 125 February 5,2010 1:18pm
When do you call your partner by their name happyquestion Ask a Dating Expert 32 January 6,2010 5:37am
What is the most amazing gift you have given or received from a partner? yoga_gal About You 6 September 27,2009 7:08pm
Telling your partner likes and dislikes. stevex Dating 5 September 15,2009 1:15pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:06am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0