Can someone explain since he never did!?


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confused2 is offline confused2 Post #1  November 7,2009, 6:19pm
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I met this apparently wonderful guy with whom I had lenghty conversations for about 6 moths. We talked on the phone almost daily. We talked about meeting eachother. We talked pretty much about anything. He seemed to be very honest and sincere. I really thought I he was it! He was always calling me and many times more than once a day. I didn't mind that he'd call anytime; he knew that I couldn't always answer when I was at work, but I returned his call as soon as I could. One day he just stopped calling. I called him a couple of day latter and all he said was that he was under stress and needed time. I asked If he had found someone else and he said no. He never complained about anything. Our conversations "as I thought" were pretty much up front. I told him that I had nothing to hide nor be ashamed of. I have no idea what could I have done. He knew from the start that I don't go around the bushes. He seemed to be pretty much up front too. I would like to know what happened!!!!
Last edited by confused2; November 7,2009 at 6:21pm.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  November 7,2009, 6:34pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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First of all, I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

I have to say, though, that just because you talked on the phone for six months doesn't mean that you had any kind of a relationship. You never actually met each other, and you weren't committed to each other. The truth is, despite the fact that you may have clicked, you don't know if he truly is the man that he made himself out to be or what his life is really like. He may actually be stressed, though that doesn't usually happen over night. He have met someone else even though he said he didn't. He may have decided that while talking with you was nice, he didn't want to move forward with anything more. The only thing you do know is that he poofed on you, which is rotten and shows a total lack of social grace, but it's the reality of the situation.

The important thing here is that you shouldn't blame yourself. You don't know what caused him to stop calling, and you may never know. Six months is a long time to wait to move forward with a meeting, so next time I would suggest doing that much faster, but really, that's a decision you make together. Don't bear a burden that isn't yours to bear. You deserve to be treated better, so move ahead, feel good about yourself, and find someone who will give you what you want and need.

Best wishes to you.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  November 7,2009, 7:24pm
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Yep, same as the above.
 
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Luvnushooz is offline Luvnushooz Post #4  November 7,2009, 8:25pm
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Great advice brneyedangel.
 
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Sawyer76 is offline Sawyer76 Post #5  November 8,2009, 8:33am
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Why did you spend 6 months talking on the phone but not meeting? There's a million things wrong with doing this...talking but not meeting can create feelings that might not still exist once meeting in person, the other person can pretend to be someone they aren't, the phone calls can end without warning as in this case which leaves you very confused. There can be a million reasons why he did this...maybe he isn't actually single even though he was available to talk all those times, maybe he was on a break with the other person and now they are back together, maybe he wasn't who he portrayed himself to be and is afraid to meet you. In any case, if he had any intention of meeting you, he would have initiated a meeting over the course of the 6 months. He was clearly just looking for a phone buddy of sorts..for whatever reason you might never know. learn from this and move on...don't spend 6 months talking to someone without actually meeting.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #6  November 8,2009, 8:42am
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I am with the group on this one...... and these are the best answers you are going to get IMHO, it is saddening for you, but you need to move on past this, and hopefully learn from it.

Lilycat
It's not real until you actually meet.....
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  November 8,2009, 10:01am

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Why do you blame yourself for doing something wrong?
I would say your relationship is that of a chat buddy and possibly you scared him, when he started to hear your fantasy vision of the relationship? You guys are friends maybe it's time to meet for a nice lunch at a public place just as good friends with no expectation of meeting your good friend.
He probably has some problems with meeting people and relationship problems as well. So stop fantasizing and start dealing with the reality.

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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #8  November 8,2009, 1:03pm
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All I can say is you will never really know why. You need to get your own closure on this one, people don't and won't tell you the answer sometimes. I would chalk it up to it wasn't meant to be. That being said you just lost a huge emotional part of your life, you need to be ok to be sad about that, then it will hurt less and less but why is not as important as how to let go.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  November 8,2009, 11:29pm

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indigirl1975 wrote :
All I can say is you will never really know why. You need to get your own closure on this one, people don't and won't tell you the answer sometimes. I would chalk it up to it wasn't meant to be. That being said you just lost a huge emotional part of your life, you need to be ok to be sad about that, then it will hurt less and less but why is not as important as how to let go.

You can't lose what you never had! It's all in your head, fantasy you that never happened! You can still invite him for lunch?

Harvey7
 
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confused2 is offline confused2 Post #10  November 26,2009, 10:25am
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Thank you for you response; it may make more sense although it was not in my head,but in his head. He should not have been afraid since he was pretending to be a very honest and adult person.
 
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