momothree is offline momothree Post #21  November 6,2009, 8:45pm
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I've read/heard somewhere that humans require eight meaningful touches each day. More than just a handshake and more than keeping your childs hand in yours to make sure they aren't lost.
As a young woman I remember an older female in my office touching my hair because I had curled it that day. I never imagined that something so innocent would fulfill a need....not romantic at all, just a need to be connected. It has been a goal of mine as a mother to make certain I touch my children (all teens) in a positive/meaningful way each day. If I'm filling that meaningful touch need, then they won't look for it somewhere else. Again, let me define this touch as non-romantic in any way!

As a single mom it's a lonely existance. I've been divorced for four years and separated before that. The relationship I had with my former spouse was not "safe". I crave that "safe" touch, to be held and to hold and touch without expectations or demands.

I find myself rolling a blanket and wrapping it around my shoulders, put a heating pad inside the pillow case of my favorite pillow. It's not the same but hey, if they can fool a tiger cub at the zoo I'm entitled to give it a whirl don'cha think?

I'm currently seeing someone but the relationship has been "just friends". I would like for it to be more but am waiting for him to make the first move. If I reach for his hand is he going to run?
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #22  November 6,2009, 10:13pm

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melman wrote :
See now, I asked you not to reopen the "Other" discussion. I even said "please please please". And yes, I said "devastated" when that wasn't the exact word you used... even if it was clearly what you meant. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

And I'm sincere when I say IMO, that your emotional anxiety is showing quite badly. I don't care what you think about what I think. If you don't want all points of view, then don't post the question. Or request only answers that agree with you. That'll help.

No, I've never hugged a pillow. Because that's not what they're for.

Good luck to you.
Melman, look around you. He has got women posting oh yes yes I want to be held. Yeah got what he wanted. You, you are the best.

Sorry wine makes me repeat myself.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #23  November 6,2009, 11:12pm

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peg099 wrote :
It's not just you. Sometimes I crave being held so much that the cells in my skin physically ache. I feel it most strongly in the skin of my back and the back of my arms i.e. places where the guy's arms would be if he was holding me.
Where did you say that you received your sexual education?

Harvey7.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #24  November 7,2009, 3:19am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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melman wrote :
No, I checked. You wrote about how being closed with the reason of "Other" (and please please please let us not reopen that discussion again) "rends the ego" and was "heartbreaking".

But I am serious. For a guy to imagine himself needing to hold someone who isn't there? Feeling incomplete and all that. That ain't right. Maybe you're watching too much Oprah.
Well someone wasn't breast fed!
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #25  November 7,2009, 4:58am
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The need for human touch and contact is elemental. That is why babies in large, institutional orphanages don't thrive. As adults, especially if we have once had that contact, the touch of a loved one is especially missed. That need isn't abnormal, it is one of the things that defines us as human.
 
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clearlyoblique is offline clearlyoblique Post #26  November 7,2009, 5:41am
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Yeah ... I totally get this.

I miss the "I know how he smells". How his cheek feels (like it's been a few too many hours). How there is this hollow for me to curl into.

Yeah. I miss hugging. Almost the least of it.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #27  November 7,2009, 7:09am
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Not so much. I appreciate a quick hug or touch, but being "held" feels too confining for me, and I have to pull away. I don't like being restricted in my movements, so someone who wanted to 'wrap me up' wouldn't suit me at all.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #28  November 7,2009, 1:51pm
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It's pretty sad when you go to the hairdresser and enjoy having your hair washed as it's the first time in months anyone has touched you
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #29  November 7,2009, 2:13pm
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peg099 wrote :
It's not just you. Sometimes I crave being held so much that the cells in my skin physically ache. I feel it most strongly in the skin of my back and the back of my arms i.e. places where the guy's arms would be if he was holding me.
Harvey7 wrote :
Where did you say that you received your sexual education?

Harvey7.
What part of my post had anything to do with sex?

The need for physical contact is basic. There are all kinds of psychology studies on that, dating back to the 1950s. Like Diann pointed out - a lack of touch is the main reasons babies don't thrive in large orphanages.

Only a very twisted mind would make that about sex.
 
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hopefuloct2009 is offline hopefuloct2009 Post #30  November 7,2009, 2:28pm
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TheWanderer wrote :
Sometimes I will get in this mood where I just want to hold a woman/theoretical girlfriend. Nothing particularly sexual, more this heartfelt desire to wrap my arms around her, feel her close, feel like I'm "protecting" her, etc etc. In said mood (luckily, only in said mood) it feels like I'm missing a part of myself and need to hold her to "complete" me.
I feel exactly the same way (only to hold a man though, ) I am hopeful that some day soon that special man will come along and I can feel safe, protected, and loved in his arms.

Right now I am fortunate to still have my children around me who STILL love to give hugs and be hugged, and I have an absolutely adorable granddaughter who LOVES to give hugs! It's just not quite the same feeling as having a strong man's arms around me, though.

I believe everyone wants/needs to feel loved and protected by a significant other.

Thank you for posting. I hope you find that special lady to wrap your arms around soon.
 
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