TheWanderer is offline TheWanderer Post #11  November 6,2009, 7:12pm
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melman wrote :
No, I checked. You wrote about how being closed with the reason of "Other" (and please please please let us not reopen that discussion again) "rends the ego" and was "heartbreaking".
That? Ok, politely:

1) I said being closed with "other" IN BULK would rend the ego. My first experience with eharmony was my first experience with online dating. In that 3 months, I remember getting no messages, and about 200 "closed - other" messages before I could even initiate anything (the rest being non-responding/non-paying members). That was not fun, and I further didn't appreciate having no suggestion as to the reason - "other" tells you nothing helpful. I would say that hundreds of disinterests with zero success would make anyone pause.

And that's all I said. This thing about me being "devastated" that any match closed me is something you've either misunderstood or made up.

2) It's extremely rude to suggest that I need mental help based on a post saying that I would prefer to know why people closed me, and a post about occasionally craving someone to hold. You don't even know me, and your amateur psychology is both unnecessary and way off the mark. I suggest you take the topic of therapy and medication a little more seriously, because it insults the people who really need it when you bandy it about in an e-argument.

And what, you've never hugged a pillow? Or held a woman?

In short: go eat your toast, Larry.
Last edited by TheWanderer; November 6,2009 at 7:14pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #12  November 6,2009, 7:17pm
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See now, I asked you not to reopen the "Other" discussion. I even said "please please please". And yes, I said "devastated" when that wasn't the exact word you used... even if it was clearly what you meant. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

And I'm sincere when I say IMO, that your emotional anxiety is showing quite badly. I don't care what you think about what I think. If you don't want all points of view, then don't post the question. Or request only answers that agree with you. That'll help.

No, I've never hugged a pillow. Because that's not what they're for.

Good luck to you.
Last edited by melman; November 6,2009 at 7:21pm.
 
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Flame654 is offline Flame654 Post #13  November 6,2009, 7:32pm
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Just thought it was a women that felt that way? Nice to hear men have some of the same feelings. Men who can express their feelings are good in my book of life.
Keep posting!
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #14  November 6,2009, 7:34pm
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I think most people feel that way sometimes. Even in the relationship I'm in, I only see my guy on weekends usually and there are some weekends that are difficult because of kids, work, etc. I've held a pillow more than once on a lonely night.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #15  November 6,2009, 7:42pm
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melman wrote :
But I am serious. For a guy to imagine himself needing to hold someone who isn't there? Feeling incomplete and all that. That ain't right. Maybe you're watching too much Oprah.
Touch and being held is a very basic human need. And it is stronger for some people than it is for others. Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with a guy who does. Heck, most of my male friends wish they had someone to hold when they're single. I know of at least a few who would hug their pillows. I find your comments to be unnecessarily disparaging - and completely off-base.
 
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Bluemay2 is offline Bluemay2 Post #16  November 6,2009, 7:44pm
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I hug my pillow on many a night. I also know that men do the same but don't readily admit it. My ex used to hug his pillow after our break-up.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #17  November 6,2009, 8:42pm
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TheWanderer wrote :
So my question is, do women sometimes have similar, corresponding needs/desires to be held? Cuddle up and feel their guy protecting them and whatnot. I'm wondering if this is just a neat little emotional way people "go together." Or is this just me, waking up alone on a cold day?
Yes, definitely. I don't hug my pillow, but I have been known to scoop up one of my unsuspecting cats and give her a cuddle. Usually I get four little paws planted firmly against my chest. My cats don't like being hugged without warning it would seem!

As other posters have pointed out, touch is very basic. I suspect that is why I really like to also have my hair brushed and my shoulders and neck massaged by him ... when there's a 'him' around, that is.
 
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chrysalis08 is offline chrysalis08 Post #18  November 6,2009, 8:45pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
You are not alone. I want to hold and be held and I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight so I want it all the more.
Not having the best of evenings myself. Changing my middle name to melancholy......
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #19  November 6,2009, 8:49pm
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Yep.

And I've been known to hug complete strangers when I'm in that mood. : )
 
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chrysalis08 is offline chrysalis08 Post #20  November 6,2009, 8:49pm
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melman wrote :
No, I checked. You wrote about how being closed with the reason of "Other" (and please please please let us not reopen that discussion again) "rends the ego" and was "heartbreaking".

But I am serious. For a guy to imagine himself needing to hold someone who isn't there? Feeling incomplete and all that. That ain't right. Maybe you're watching too much Oprah.
Ummm, a little harsh don't you think?
 
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