Question about an ex girlfriend


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mrpogo07 is offline mrpogo07 Post #1  November 6,2009, 5:01pm
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Hey there!

Quick question to everyone out here, but first the back story.

-------

Back story:

My ex and I fell apart about 3 years ago, we were together for almost a year and a half. It was a tough break up, very harsh on both sides. I have not had any contact with her since, she blocked me on facebook.

I've moved on, she has moved on. Life is great. I log on to facebook and see a message from her just the other day (after nearly 3 years of no contact).

She said she was looking through some college photos and was reminded of me. She has thought about it and has come to see my side of things and is hoping as the time passed that I've seen her side. She's coming back to town around thanksgiving and wanted to grab coffee to catch up and see if we can be friends again.


Summary: 1.5 yr relationship exploded horribly, no contact for 3 years, she emails just the other day asking how things are and if we could rebuild a friendship again.

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Now, I know what I'm going to do. It took a lot of courage for her to do this and she probably just wants any hostility that was there to not be around anymore.

My question to all of you is if any past ex's have contacted you out of the blue after a long period of no contact? How did you react and what was their purpose?

Thanks!
 
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bct31 is offline bct31 Post #2  November 6,2009, 5:08pm
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I think you're over thinking it. It sounds like a lot of time has passed and she's gained a new perspective on the whole situation and wants you to know she doesn't have any animosity towards you anymore. You guys had a long relationship so I think it's good that she took the time to reach out, say hello and let you know she holds no grudge. The fact that it took 3 years, well you guys both moved on and went your separate ways so time flies as we all know. If you two dated for a month or so and she reached out to you then that's different. But it was a long relationship and I think this is a positive things. Maybe there is something more there and both of you are in different (better) places and could try again or maybe it turns into nothing more than a 1 time get together but you both leave knowing you at least let go of the past. I think it's all good. As long as you aren't going into it expecting too much.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  November 6,2009, 5:12pm
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Ummmmm...yeah, in fact this just happened to me recently. It wasn't a good conversation and he revealed a few things that happened during our relationship that I really just didn't need to know.

We didn't part on good terms the first time, and I suggested he lose my phone number and forget he ever knew me the second time. Yeah, not pretty.

However, it sounds like you're dealing with a mature human being. I was not.
 
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mrpogo07 is offline mrpogo07 Post #4  November 6,2009, 5:12pm
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Yeah, I'm not expecting things out of this, more so just curious what others have experienced. But thanks for your input, I think I may be over thinking this whole thing.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  November 6,2009, 7:46pm

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At the very least, I'd suggest don't ignore her request...3 years is an ample enough time to recover from majority of break ups (assuming you don't hold on to your carry on bags). Both of you might have moved on, maybe she has....but also some people want to make good with people from their past...nothing wrong with that.

(or if you wanted to feel good about yourself...maybe she realized all this time that she was wrong, and have been trying to date others, but nobody can even come close to how good you are )

In any case....good luck!
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #6  November 6,2009, 9:55pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
...We didn't part on good terms the first time, and I suggested he lose my phone number and forget he ever knew me the second time. Yeah, not pretty.
let me use BEA as a spring board...

exes are exes for a reason. you have not spoken to her in three years. whats another 60?
 
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mrpogo07 is offline mrpogo07 Post #7  November 6,2009, 10:46pm
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notyet wrote :
let me use BEA as a spring board...

exes are exes for a reason. you have not spoken to her in three years. whats another 60?
I hear you on that one, but she has made an effort to approach me. As far as I am concerned, I am done with her in any form of a relationship, so that is not an issue at all.

I was just curious if others experienced this and what happened.

I appreciate the input so far and thank all of you. As I said about making up my mind, I am open to hearing her, but the fact is I am not looking for anything more with her. The time has passed between us and frankly there is no looking back.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  November 6,2009, 11:55pm

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Curiosity killed the cat! There is a reason for everything?
Why now, why not last year? The reason that she gave you was bleep. A lesson that I learned s long time ago, when I first went into business is "once fired never rehired" and the same can be said for ex-girlfriends. What do you have to gain and what do you have to lose? Just an opinion from someone that's been there before.

There is one exception and that is the sex must really be outstanding or better then anything that you're currently getting to forgive her!

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 7,2009 at 12:06am.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #9  November 7,2009, 12:22am
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i've never gotten back together with someone, but i've had a couple of ex's contact me. i've responded. it's no skin off my nose. i endeavour not to live in the past and don't have a problem doing dinner.
 
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calamitysammyjo is offline calamitysammyjo Post #10  November 9,2009, 11:40am
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Lots of negative responses here, I'm a little surprised. I don't see why you shouldn't just meet up for coffee if you are both willing. It's not like you can't just get up and leave if things happen not to go well! If you are both mature (and it sounds like you both are), there should not be a problem, just the opportunity to regain a friendship.

Also, although she may, who's to say she wants anything more than just what she said? Hang out. See how it goes. Neither of you is the person you were before, right?
 
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