First time poster, but have lurked a lot and have seen some very good advice given...So I thought I would toss my current issue out, in hopes of recieving some of that guidance...

Both myself and girlfriend are close to 40. She has 2 young children. We have dated for 2+ years. We don't live together, but I am the primary male role model in her children's lives. Their father is an abusive alcoholic, so I always try make sure that they are learning the positive sides of humanity. How to treat people, doing fun things, learning new things, etc. At any rate, this may have gotten me into a little hot water recently...

Her oldest wanted to see a local sporting event. I had asked her if I could take him, and she had replied that it would be over too late. I explained that it would be finished before his normal bedtime, to which she responded that she didn't think so. There is a tendency for her to want to be involved in ALL the "fun" things that her kids do...which is not really possible or that healthy. I suppose I should have left it at that, but I felt that the enjoyment that he would have received from the game, would far outweigh the lateness (which really wasn't that late). My whole goal was to show him the game, which he was dying to see. The bottom line was that I was doing this COMPLETELY for her child. So....I told her that I know she makes decisions based upon what is best for her family, and that I respected her decision but that I didn't agree with it. I completely understand that she is the MOM and hers is the final decision, but I felt that this was something that was pretty important to her child, and him going was not going to effect anything negatively in any way.

Understand too, that I think she is a FANTASTIC mother and have told her so many times. There may be some baggage from some past relationships, as she was told repeatedly that she was a bad mom.

Called her yesterday and left her a VM. She texted later and said she that she was NOT ready to talk to me and that she is spending the weekend by herself. This is fine, but now in my position, do I contact her next week or wait for her to call. I can wait, but don't want to get into an unncessary standoff... The "silent treatment" is never beneficial to anyone, but maybe she needs to sort things out? I have no idea, really. . .Suppose my comments were taken wrong? What may she be thinking as a mother?

Sorry so long, and thanks in advance!

(I Read my post and it kinda makes me sound like a bit of an ass, but nothing could be farther from the truth....Just want to be a good role model for her kids and help them experience life.)

I don't think you come across as being an a$$ but there does seem to be conflict between you and your gf about what your role with her children is.

You're not married and not living together, and these are not your children. If she were just a friend of yours, not a girlfriend, would you give her your unsought opinion on her parenting decisions? Ask to take her child to an event and then argue with her if she says No?

You've been dating 2+ years, and are not married. Why is that? Your gf needs to protect her children from "serial dads". If things don't work out with you 2, and she moves on, her children as well as she, will have to let you go. It makes sense to me that she would limit your role in her/their life.

It sounds like you and she need to discuss your quasi-parent role. It's very nice you want to be a good role model for her kids, but your uncommitted relationship with their mother is going to limit what your role should be.

As far as the silent treatment and the leave-me-alone-for-the-weekend, I don't know, that's a separate thing. Sometimes people just need some space to think. Sometimes they have an unhealthy running-away trick they do. I'd leave her alone for the weekend then call on Monday. Maybe set up a child-free time to talk? Good luck!