Question for ladies/moms or anyone with some insight. . .


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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #21  November 8,2009, 6:10am
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Thackery wrote :
If she wants to end the relationship, let me know. If she wants to discuss how this effected her, we can do that as well. But the silent treatment for 5 days?? A little disconcerting.

Yep. I would lean toward a conversation where I put this behavior as unacceptable, and basically require her to participate in the relationship, or I would leave.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #22  November 8,2009, 9:08am
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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Thackery wrote :
Thanks to everyone that replied. Some great things to think about!

I will try to keep it short and answer the posed questions. Not sure if it will change the advice and suggestions but here goes...

No. We make it a point to never have discussions like this around the kids.


Yes, and at her place, but NEVER when the kids are there. Creates too many questions and potential confusion for young kids, in my opinion.

Absolutely. We have gone on trips as a group, as well as me taking her kids both together and each individually. She makes it clear that they love me and do look up to me for guidance. As well as have a great time with me.

She does consult me in certain decision making regarding her kids. Not everyone, of course, but the bigger ones she runs my me for my input.

Don't know if that makes any difference to my sitch, but I am still confused as the extended amount of time to address this. I am all for people taking "me" time to do things. You can't have a solid relationship if you do everything together. So, time for yourself is very beneficial...but this long...If she wants to end the relationship, let me know. If she wants to discuss how this effected her, we can do that as well. But the silent treatment for 5 days?? A little disconcerting.

Thanks again to all.
In my opinion, your best bet for getting her back again is to start with questions. Asking her opinions, understanding her position completely. You clearly do not understand her point of view or you would not have posted here.

From your post it sounds like she made a decision with what she felt were good reasons, then you told her she is wrong. Aa mother will fight to death for her children. It's a very strong instinct to go up against and when you tell the mother her instinct is wrong ... wowee ... strong stuff.
 
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voteoften is offline voteoften Post #23  November 9,2009, 4:25am
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Hi Thackery,

I am a single mom of one young child and am about your age. I have dated my BF for 13 months.

Being a single mom is very hard. Have you considered that when she wants to be there for the ALL the fun things that perhaps she hasn't had enough fun in a really long time and that she craves fun? Her potential sense of depravation may make her feel desperate for fun. Just a thought.

I am wondering how old these kids are and how often you two are ble to conduct adult relations as you only do it when the kids are gone. Since the father obviously isn't taking the kids, how often are you able to conduct business? Personally, I wouldn't be letting my man of two years stay away the vast majority of the time. I just don't see how it would confuse or upset these kids if you were staying over 3 - 5 nights a week. Mom and you would be satisfying each other. Mom might have more fun and be better able to take care of herself and thus her kids.

If you love this lady, I think you should try to get her agreement on being more open with the kids and staying over on a frequent and regular basis. Should they be raised with the idea that no one has business outside of marriage? That'll warp them for sure.
 
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