The notion that men want sex more than women is not only OLD, it's not necessarily even TRUE. For singles, I believe women, not men, have a stronger interest in being and remaining sexually active. In fact, for 20somethings (in the prime of their hormone-driven sex drive years, right? I'm 46 but IIRC males and females are ALL just walking hormones from mid teens to mid 20s) females are guaranteed more interested in having sex right up until they get pregnant for the first time--it's our genetic coding to reproduce. By the time a woman gets pregnant, usually not always, she is no longer single. Single moms nearly always have an interest (it's that genetic coding to bond again) but are just too darn exhausted from doing it all (and then some) to actively pursue romance, let alone sex.

In couples situations, women's interest in sex is DIRECTLY related to their partner's interest in them. That is, once in a couple situation, a relationship that goes beyond sex for physical gratification, a woman will not feel inclined to be physically intimate if the emotional and mental and spiritual intimacy is not there and healthy. If the relationship is doing well on all other fronts, no woman alive will lose her interest in being physically intimate wiht the man who's nurturing her soul.

Men, OTOH, either maintain a level interest--neither increasing nor diminishing with time--and some try to use sex as a replacement or bridge to making a connection on the emotional, spiritual or mental fronts. For men who cannot open up and connect in non-physical ways very easily, sex is a sort of bridge to starting a connection. Once feeling the physical intimacy, these men can and will open up emotionally, but really this amounts to using sex, if not as a weapon, then as a lure or bribe. It's not healthy any way you look at it. The good news is this kind of man can be "trained" to be more trusting by woman willing to make the first move--just never use sex as the platform or he'll never break the assocation habit.

The good news for men is that women tend to react or respond to whatever interest level men express. So if a man is dissatisfied with the level of sexual interest his partner's expressing, all he has to do is "woo" her like he did early on. Unless there's an unresolved conflict between them like an open wound, she'll respond out of instinct to his positive attentions.

its a lie. women have insatiable sexual desire. they just (traditionally) use it as a tool to gain power in a relationship, or at least more flowers and chocolate.

Great advice. It humanizes people. Thank you professor Sarah. A woman is a mother too, innately. And such like you could think so clearly.

Isn't it time we also re-examined the "women talk more than men" gender stereotype? There appear to me to be many factors, including temperament, interests, culture of upbringing, and social setting, that affect who is more talkative.

Audrey

actually, women want it more, especially over the age of forty. this is because men hit forty and don't want to be typecast as a "typical male, plusthey have already sowed some wild oats. women tend to want to recapture the illusion of still being in their twenties, and sex helps them keep this illusion.

I find that stereotypes about women are the very reason we don't express ourselves fully sexually. Women are supposed to be demure and pure as the driven snow. Age changes that (thank God!), as does a good healthy long-term relationship. Sexual expression is the natural part of anyone's life, and like everything should be enjoyed moderately and not involve hurting anybody.

Life isn't that simple. I think that both want sex but the need to have it might not be equal in reason or frequency. I don't think women see sex as a stress releiver but they do see it as feeling great and as close as it gets. Just because a women opts for quality and not quantity shouldn't put a women into a category of not wanting or liking sex equally. I find there is more confusion between men and women on whether it is thought of as sex or making love. I think more men want sex to be labeled love making.

I am over forty. I have heard men at a certain age have a hard time getting their equipment to work unless a woman is eye candy. I would love to hear from the older males on this issue.

Actually, my wife (Joan Sewell) wrote a book about men and women's differences in libido, and she has another on the way. According to her research, which includes data from cross cultural studies, most men want sex more often and with greater variety than most women, most of the time. Are there some women who want sex more than most men? Sure. But they are in the minority.

Since there are over 6 billion people on the planet, we might assume there are at least 3 billion males and 3 billion females, roughly (it doesn't quite break down like that, but close enough for our purposes). However, if we throw out the number of people who are underage or elderly, we end up with a smaller number of men and women. Let's be generous and knock the number of women down to 1.5 billion. Now, even if there are "tens of thousands" of high libido women (women who sex as much or more than most men do) out there, as sex pundit Dan Savage claims, just how many women out of 1.5 billion does that make? Suppose that "tens of thousands" means 90 thousand. If so, then 90 thousand out of 1.5 billion is only .006% of women in the world. That's right, guys: if you were assigned to randomly date any one of those 1.5 billion women, your chances of dating a woman with a lower libido than your's is over 99%!

Sarah STL: You say men use sex as a bribe? Perhaps you'd like to support that wild claim--last time I looked at Maxim, FHM, Stuff, and the other male magazines, they were giving advice to men on how to pick up women, and offering sex to women isn't one of the winning techniques, it's sure to send them running. If anyone uses sex as a bribe, it's women--just read Glamour, Cosmo, and the rest of the women's magazines that give advice to women on how to snag a man's heart through sex.

Jay, if women are so "insatiable," then they must have an iron will men don't! Believe me, if women are as preoccupied with sex as men, you'd have a lot more male prostitutes for women, strip clubs for women, and they wouldn't be as worried about the chocolate as they would be about getting sex.

And no, we are not just "equal but different" (whatever that means) in terms of libido. That's politically correct nonsense. What my wife and I continue to see is a conflation of social equality (equal pay and equal opportunity) with hormonal equality. Just because men and women should have equal legal rights doesn't mean they are equally horny.

I suppose exceptional women out of that alleged 90,000 will dispute my remarks, but they would be incorrect to extrapolate from themselves to the majority and think that they are typical. And I suppose a lot of women like to think of themselves as hornier than they really are or put on a false front of being sexually predatory; I assume we'll hear from them too. But it would be far better for the rest of us to ignore these exceptions and focus on the real disparity in libidos that men and women in general have. Only when we bite the bullet and face the truth head on will we be able to deal with it like adults.