thatsroni is offline thatsroni Post #1  November 3,2009, 10:10pm
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I'll try to make this as short as possible but I can't stop thinking about it so I thought I try the boards for advice.

I've been dating a girl for only three months but I swear its been one the best and by far most fun relationships I have ever been in. Keep in mind I haven't been in a serious relationship for over two years. I went through a bad relationship years ago and I have been realistic when telling myself if a relationship could work in the long run. She also hasn't been in a serious relationship in a couple years as she went through the same thing. This has been confirmed through friends of hers I knew growing up.

Anyways, everything has been going great. She would text me several times a day, even in the middle of the night. She would tell me how much she loved hanging out with me and how much she hated saying goodbye when we get together. Also we would have several long phone conversations and I don't even like talking on the phone!

Starting a couple of weeks ago I don't really get a single text or phone call for no aparant reason. If I text her or call I usually don't hear from her for a day or two and it used to be within seconds. I've given her space and don't pester her every day. The weird thing is she calls me about once a week, we hang out and everything seems normal face to face.

Am I over thinking this or is her distance the past couple weeks a sign I'm about to get my heart broken? Her attitude towards me has definitely changed. I just don't know if shes playing games/testing me or if she just doesn't want to tell me its not going to work?
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #2  November 3,2009, 10:36pm
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she was texting you in the middle of the night? that's a bad sign. grown-up, serious people don't do that. write her off.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  November 3,2009, 10:50pm

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It could be a simple case of the honeymoon phase wore off for her.

You might be looking too much into it. Everything seems to be okay when your together right! Have you had a talk about seeing other people, Do you know if she is or isn't?

Oh .. Don't worry about texting in the middle of the night. People who don't text don't get it. It's a good feeling to wake up to a text!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #4  November 4,2009, 11:36am

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I believe that she is trying to restructure the relationship. Why?
Currently you are clingy, needy and insecure, but a very nice boy and maybe she would like to see the secure young man side of you?

Your communications skills need to improve one does not gather information about the love of his life with 2nd. hand information from his friends.
The telephone is a business and personal tool for communications in business and with friends.
How did we exist before txt.?

Probably your biggest short coming is not utilizing the wonderment and the magic of one on one, face to face communications. There are areas that you need to improve yourself, but don't stress your self out about it. Take a course in public speaking that's why they offer communications in school. Speak to her but don't be accusatory or cry the blues and see what kind of feed back she gives you. A good part of it is listening and asking good questions.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 4,2009 at 11:39am.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #5  November 4,2009, 5:14pm
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You're thinking too much about it, and since you're not receiving the input you need to answer your questions, it's making you think the worst.

The pickle with that, is that it's given your confidence a beating and made you seem needy and insecure. (not an attractive quality) Stop chasing her. Take a step back and see if her interest perks up. If not, get ready for that dumping. Good luck.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 Post #6  November 4,2009, 9:59pm
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I'd say things were definitely moving along at a fast pace and she's decided to slow things down - put some space between you. Doesn't hurt to ask what's going on. Stop texting her and see what happens. If she's still interested she'll initiate.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  November 4,2009, 10:17pm
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thatsroni wrote :
...Starting a couple of weeks ago I don't really get a single text or phone call for no aparant reason. If I text her or call I usually don't hear from her for a day or two and it used to be within seconds. I've given her space and don't pester her every day. The weird thing is she calls me about once a week, we hang out and everything seems normal face to face.
...
Becoming distant, not communicating so much, needing "space," are all first steps in the slow fade method of breaking up.

I suppose there are instances where this is not so, but I've never known it to be anything other than the preparation for a break up.

If anyone on here can provide an example where they, themselves, distanced his or her-self from a boyfriend or girlfriend and it didn't mean the beginning of the end, I'd like to hear how and why that happened. I don't mean a day or two of being upset and withdrawn about something that ends up getting patched up... I mean like the OP is experiencing, several weeks of drastically reduced communication.

It is normal for communication to "settle down" a bit in an established relationship (vs the flurry of getting-to-know-you communication), but it is not normal for it to go from that to not even communicating for days and only calling once a week unless something else is going on.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  November 5,2009, 3:50am
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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^^^ +1 ^^^

I wish I could have everyone's optimism about this, but I'm a realist - like Wonderwoman - and I've never known this kind of behavior to be anything other than the person having one foot out of the relationships and the other foot on a banana peel.

It's called "weening" and, in a relationship, it's a passive-aggressive behavior used by cowards.
 
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FirstStepMan is offline FirstStepMan Post #9  November 5,2009, 9:32pm
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I agree with Wonderwoman402. Its a sign of the relationship slowing down. I was in a long distant relationship years ago and part of keeping it going was a plan of what the next step would be for both of us to work towards. If you have none, then this may be what you can expect.
Last edited by FirstStepMan; November 10,2009 at 1:35pm.
 
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