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saulgoode saulgoode is offline
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Notice that nowhere in this article did it suggest that one SNOOP on one's partner, as the picture in the ad implies! For that point alone, I'd say well done.

- Saul
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:33 pm
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:41 pm
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trixie1868 trixie1868 is online now
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A little protective lying is the mark of a civilised society; surely to God?
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:45 pm
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clearlyoblique clearlyoblique is offline
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clearlyoblique wears the skirt in the relationship

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I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
- November 4th, 2009, 06:03 am
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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clearlyoblique wrote :
I think the hardest for me will be trying to tell if they are looking up at their right or mine.

Difficult, difficult.
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

http://www.ict4us.com/r.kuijt/en_nonverbal.htm
Last edited by kevin76; November 4th, 2009 at 09:58 am. Reason: added link
- November 4th, 2009, 09:56 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 How many Fates turn around in the overtime?

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kevin76 wrote :
Mostly good, I have a potential issue with this section:

Ask direct questions .
If you suspect someone is lying, remember that you are entitled to the truth. Don’t be bullied into dropping it until you are satisfied.

If you only 'suspect' the person is lying but have no evidence, don't badger them about it and put the thumbscrews to them until you torture them into 'admitting' what you've already decided to be true.

Sure, don't "be bullied" into forgetting about it - if you suspect, go ahead and watch for further evidence. But don't "be the bully" either - excessive suspicion without good reason can drive away an innocent partner faster than you can say "liar, liar, pants on fire."
yep.

one of the red flags that popped up with a guy i was talking to online was that he'd been cheated on by all of his girlfriends and from our discussions basically maintained that going forward, he expects all his partners to explain where they were going and with whom and if he didn't like the answer it meant they were lying.

true story.
- November 4th, 2009, 10:03 am
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neardc neardc is offline
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kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
If you can find any legitimate scientific research that supports the claims made here, I would be very surprised. It simply is not grounded in science...

So, CO, don't even bother trying to figure out whether it's their right or your right you need to focus on...lol.
- November 4th, 2009, 10:18 am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is online now
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kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
I look down and bite my lower lip when answering questions. What does the article say about that?
- November 4th, 2009, 10:20 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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kevin76 wrote :
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.

The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?

The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?

Mnemonic: Eye Direction and Lying
It's actually not a reliable indicator whether they look right or look left. At least, not according to the latest research on the subject.

There is some very interesting research being done with MRI scans however in which they can tell whether you are lying by the which neural circuits in the brain light up. They can also tell which word you are thinking of.

Kinda Orwellian if you ask me.
Last edited by nightling; November 4th, 2009 at 07:05 pm. Reason: And they can tell if you truly believe what you've said too. Imagine that in the hands of the Inquisition.
- November 4th, 2009, 02:01 pm
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clearlyoblique clearlyoblique is offline
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My voice squeaks when I lie. My sister's voice squeaks for the same reason.

I come from a family of truth telling terrible liars. We do the Southern Social thing ... and those lines pass muster out of practice ... but an outright lie? Hmmm ... but my sister is good at poker ... I wonder how she does that. The liar. lol.
Last edited by clearlyoblique; November 4th, 2009 at 06:56 pm. Reason: Oh and thanks, Kevin, for the explanation. I often look up to the right when I'm thinking - hate to think I'm a big fat liar
- November 4th, 2009, 06:54 pm
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