The Truth and Nothing but the Truth

The Truth and Nothing but the Truth

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The Truth and Nothing but the Truth


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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #21  November 7,2009, 8:16am

blames self-help books

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PY_2 wrote :
If a woman does this during our date (particularly towards me) I'd be nervous!
I am usually blushing at the time but maybe it would be best to avoid me.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #22  November 7,2009, 3:52pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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saulgoode wrote :
Really, it doesn't matter one little bit whether or not you're lying or telling the truth.

All that matters is whether they ~think~ you're telling the truth.

"I never slept with her!"

See? It doesn't matter what I said, or whether or not it's the truth. It just matters what you ~think~ is the truth.

Perception is reality. Innocence and guilt have no bearing if you stand accused -- you're guilty by accusation.

Period.

Haven't you ever been caught trying to force a bold-faced truth on someone?

Haven't you passed off an honest lie?

Truth doesn't matter one bit. All that matters is whether they believe you, or disbelieve you.


- Saul
Whilst I believe this post is the result of one Lone Star too many, I think Saul has a point. (Big love saul).

If anyone has ever suggested you might be lying then you are a bad liar. Avoid telling a lie at all costs.

If no-one has ever accused you of lying then you're probably quite good at it. You may proceed.

Life is complicated. Love is strange. Exclusivity and promises can, sadly, be ambitious for all of us. The end of the line is that if you can live in such a way that protects the people who love you and whom you love from the occassional ugly truth then you should do all you can to maintain that 'truth'.

Honesty is not always the best policy and it's infantile to believe that it is.

What you gonna say to that?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #23  November 7,2009, 6:24pm
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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trixie1868 wrote :
Whilst I believe this post is the result of one Lone Star too many, I think Saul has a point. (Big love saul).

If anyone has ever suggested you might be lying then you are a bad liar. Avoid telling a lie at all costs.

If no-one has ever accused you of lying then you're probably quite good at it. You may proceed.

Life is complicated. Love is strange. Exclusivity and promises can, sadly, be ambitious for all of us. The end of the line is that if you can live in such a way that protects the people who love you and whom you love from the occassional ugly truth then you should do all you can to maintain that 'truth'.

Honesty is not always the best policy and it's infantile to believe that it is.

What you gonna say to that?
*says five stars*
 
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mevm19 is offline mevm19 Post #24  November 8,2009, 10:33am
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how do you know if some of the people on this site -say they are not married  but are lying.
my husband  of 19 years is registered , and is married with 2 children. he considers himself a catholic christian.  any girl out there who thinks shes meeting a decent single man ought to beware and run for the hills.
as a "christian" site I would like to know what - if anything - does the site do to discourage stuff like this.
 
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polly_anna is offline polly_anna Post #25  November 8,2009, 6:32pm
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Unfortunately really good liars don't follow these rules.   I just broke up with one but was fooled for a long time.  The only point that I agree with is Trust your Gut.  And if you feel anything in it, run!
 
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HeartnSoul1 is offline HeartnSoul1 Post #26  November 14,2009, 7:59am
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Everytime I've had a gut feeling; I was right on target. I just ended a live in relationship with a master liar. He was such a great liar and deceiver that when I confronted him with a certain situation about an ex girlfriend, he became so defensive and started yelling at me. Well, brother, the door is right there, here's your clothes, and don't let the door hit you on the you
on the you know what on the way out. He's left some of his belongings at my place. Thinks he's going to get back into my good graces. He doesn't come and get them, out the door
they go just like he is. Liars are cowards and users. The reality and truth factors have no place
in their deceiptful lives and no one should have these creeps in their lives. Move on. Truthful
people are out there.
 
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Openone is offline Openone Post #27  November 18,2009, 7:08am
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"The greater a story's complexity the more likely it is to be untruthful." has to be one of the most inane statements of "advice' that I have ever read.  Life is complex and becomes moreso as one continues on that journey through life.
 
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mobymud is offline mobymud Post #28  November 18,2009, 9:55am
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A response to everyone especially HeartnSoul1...

First:
> If his eyes move up and to the right while he thinks of what to tell you next, watch out!

Two comments: 1) men lie, and women lie also; and 2) You are referring to "eye accessing cues" and that requires something called "calibration " as well as practice. This is bad advice on the order of "If you have a pain in your chest just take some pain killers." Your advice may cause a liar to go undiagnosed, but worse, cause a good relationship to end! A faithful partner who is simply left handed or differently organized could be branded a liar! This information is wrong and should be ignored. For correct information, google "eye accessing cues" and read.

On liars and people, and people who lie:

I understand and can clearly feel you pain, Ms. HeartSoul, and I have a gift for you: You need to forgive him, not for his sake but for your sake.

I'm not suggesting for one minute that you take him back into your life, or that you allow him to hurt you anymore, I'm merely suggestion that through forgiveness and understanding the sharp intense emotion in your mind and body will be released before it can do any damage. I work with people all the time that have physical issues that when explored, inevitably lead to a memory of a painful experience. Think of it this way... the brain stores memories, and also manages different parts of the body. When an unresolved issue is in the brain, that area of the brain controls some part of the body. Is it any surprise that someone would feel pain in that part of her body?

One way to begin the process of forgiveness is to "unzip" the person from their behavior. I've had many patients over the years that came to me because they would lie uncontrollably and put their work and relationships in danger. Inevitably it results from some coping behavior from childhood, often the person was abused and would lie to avoid that. By working through the root issues, the lying would stop and the patient would be aware of the benefits and joy of telling the truth. Telling lies all the time is painful, just like any behavior like drinking, smoking, over-eating, etc., but people do it because the pain that they avoid is worse than the pain of the behavior. It isn’t because people are “bad” but instead because they learn strategies to cope that aren’t as good as your strategies, or perhaps, consider that they had to cope with something that you never had to cope with! Understanding this can lead to your own healing which is all I'm referring to here.

A final note... while bashing him and letting the door hit him in the rump may feel good, but... that energy doesn't come from a good place. Worse, as friends console you and give you attention, "yeah, you tell him girl" "get RID of that JERK" and words along those lines, it sets up something we call "secondary gain" which may cause you to subconsciously attract this experience again to regain this attention and accolades. It's a complex response that does often happen to people and noticing it is difficult, more often people complain "Why does that always happen to me?" without recognizing they are attracting it.

Think of him as an alcoholic that you aren't willing to help; grieve, forgive and move on. It isn't as much fun but it is so much more healthy for you and for the "universal spirit" of the world.

I hope this message finds gentle, receptive and understanding eyes and ears.
 
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sherry1 is offline sherry1 Post #29  November 20,2009, 7:08pm
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I have so many self help books, but I knew the bastard was BSing me, you know that gut feeling. Before I married him all I asked for was: Don`t lie to me I don`t care what it is about, and I meant that honestly, how much can something hurt you more than someone lieing to you I don`t know who came up w/the word lieing, but, the men surely made it as one of their closest friends
 
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Trice71 is offline Trice71 Post #30  December 21,2009, 4:02am
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Hi,

This information is good and can give a good baseline. I've noted some of these (in hindsight) in a few of situations when I eventually learned the other person was lying (patholigically). However, I wonder if people can learn these things and get so good that none show up? I'm in a new dating situation with someone who I think is a really nice guy and he does not follow any of these patterns....very cool, doesn't stop to think about anything, no defensive posture, no TMI or elaborate stories, ?eye contact....however, a couple of times have questioned in my mind one or two things he's said and wondered if he's also seeing someone else. Also he seems to go hot and cold from time to time. I must admit that after started seeing him, I've gotten information that he has always had the reputation of being a 'ladies man'. It may be affecting my judgement, but then you also don't want to be caught off gaurd by someone who doesn't follow all of the 'telltale' signs of lying. Some people may be just that good. I'm also learning a bit about his childhood, and realise that he may have experienced a lot of pain and hurt because of his parents' realtionship. So I think that can be a good clue that someone who has a painful past, may have had to develop a way of coping with it, and just overtime become very good at deception as a normal part of their life. They probably don't even realise it. Anyway, I'll continue to watch, it would be interesting to see how this one turns out.
 
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