My voice squeaks when I lie. My sister's voice squeaks for the same reason.
I come from a family of truth telling terrible liars. We do the Southern Social thing ... and those lines pass muster out of practice ... but an outright lie? Hmmm ... but my sister is good at poker ... I wonder how she does that. The liar. lol.
I rather think lying has its place. Like when the Gestapo comes knocking, it's nice if you can believably lie about Anne Frank not being in your attic.
The thing about which direction they look always bothered me too, but for different reasons.
The idea is that people look to their left when accessing memories and to their right when accessing imagination.
That may be true in the vast majority of cases, but I think there could always be exceptions. What if a person is really imaginative in the way they think, and use their imagination as a 'jump-start' for their memory? What if the memory is so clear it takes no effort to recall it, but they are imagining how you might react to what they're saying?
What if they're imagining you naked to calm themselves down?
The 'science' is probably pretty accurate, but the brain is complex and so are people. Would you condemn someone to the electric chair based on which direction they looked when you asked them a question?
One is meant to “enhance” the truth, the other to hide it, or replace it with a totally false version of reality. Self-flattery is no crime, but outright lies are dangerous. They usually obscure facts that, if known, would threaten the relationship—other romantic commitments, severe financial difficulty, even criminal behavior.
I guess what I find disturbing is the above. Outright lies, and nothing but lies are dangerous. Especially because of severe financial difficulty and criminal behaviour. Not to be the heavy here, but sociapathy is alive and well out there, what they are cutely called as players. Dangerous indeed.
Most of us do lie, to enhance, but not consistently and for the express purpose of getting into someone's life and destroying it. Have a care everyone and read up on anti-social personality disorder, which is the term now used by psychiatrists for sociopaths.
The "if he looks up and to the right" is only partially true. You need to set a baseline before you can determine the likelihood of lying vs truth. if you ask "Hey what color is that shirt?" or "What is your mom's birthday?" and they look up and to the right, then that is their baseline and a look up and to the left may be the danger sign because they are accessing a different part of their cerebral cortex.
The "trust your gut" is quite true. So many people get caught up in the game of trying to prove someone is lying. If your gut says the person is not being honest, then there is a reason for that...and you should listen.
What about people who have created a fanatsy world -- have lied so much to themselves they believe it is all true? Or people who put up a "front" -- for a long time, their behaviour suggests they are well-adjusted, smart, and well-rounded, but after a few months, that mask starts slipping...but they are unaware of it?
The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... –
Sassafras54
Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... –
emma_hazards
I have never spoken to a woman like he has.
Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either.
It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player.
Both are feasible ... –
ScottK
Harmonygirl,
I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... –
Ephemera
I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all...
It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... –
Ingytravel
No. It is not wise.
You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules.
You might lose ... –
harnomygirl
Do you have something completely stupid to talk about? Come here. Talk. It's a simple two step process. Please have a good sense of humor about all this. It is good for the heart.
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The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... – Sassafras54
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Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... – emma_hazards
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