Crerc is offline Crerc Post #1  November 2,2009, 5:45am
Crerc's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 3

See profile

Hi all,

I've met this great woman through eHarmony, and we hit it off quickly soon after communication.

After about 2 months of seeing each other (exclusively), we found out that she became pregnant. She is a single mom already, so she had the experience to handle such an idea. I was open to the idea of babies, and did not mind it coming so soon. However, things between us started to fade as the first trimester went along.

We would argue weekly, and since this is a relatively young relationship, the arguing seemed to be the focus and the good feelings seem to be hidden.

On one weekend, after a heated exchange, I, foolishly, sent her an email stating my frustrations. The next day, she said it sounded like a breakup, and she will respect my wishes!

I immediately called her up and explained to her that I was not intending it to be a break up email, just a method of venting my frustrations. I admitted that I chose poor words, and structured the sentences badly to allow this misunderstanding to occur.

She would not change her mind, and she asked for some space and time. I left her alone for a week before calling her, and she told me that she has no feelings for me now, and that it is best we don't see each other.

I am utterly confused at the fact that she is able to cut me out of her life right now, so completely, whilst I still have these strong feelings towards her.

It's been 3 weeks since this happened. I have emailed her once - twice a week to let her know how my day / week went, and asked her an open question near the end, hoping for an answer. I also call her once a week to hear her voice and just talk about her day. However, it seems as though she is not interested in talking with me anymore, and she has not replied / initiated contact with me either.

I am not sure if I should continue my efforts to show that I am not attempting to break up, show her how I still feel, and hope the feelings come back?

Or should I just back off, put her behind me (although she will be the mother of my child), and look elsewhere for love?

Thanks in advance.
 
  Reply With Quote
natka is offline natka Post #2  November 2,2009, 6:31am
natka's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

nyc

Posts: 35

See profile

i think you should see her face to face.
a. she is incredibly hurt and is waiting for you to make a better move than emailing her.
or
b. she actually moved on. (i really don't think this is the case)
either way you are going to have a child. this is not the time to be concerned about you looking for love. what is going to happen to the child? you need to talk to her about this and you need to tell her what you want.
 
  Reply With Quote
Crerc is offline Crerc Post #3  November 2,2009, 7:09am
Crerc's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 3

See profile

I have spoken to her, telling her my desire to get back together, and not just because of the baby.

I proposed that I move closer to where she lives so I can take care of her right now, even if broken up, but she rejected that idea, saying it is not the right thing to do right now.

I agree with you that talking face to face is vital, but she is reluctant to even talk on the phone, let alone meeting up. She has repeatedly said she does not want to see me, or show up at her house, so if I show up unannounced, I fear things could just take a turn for the worse.

I'm not so much concerned as looking for another, but rather, prepare myself to lose her romantically.
 
  Reply With Quote
natka is offline natka Post #4  November 2,2009, 7:31am
natka's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

nyc

Posts: 35

See profile

from a female perspective i gotta say that you have to show up at her house because it shows that you are here for her and you are not going anywhere. maybe she's testing to see how far you go? it's a terrible thing to do to you.
i just don't understand why she would deny you helping with the baby. she seems very angry at the moment and she might be pushing you away. but i would not jump to the conclusion that you will lose her.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  November 2,2009, 7:42am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

Crerc wrote :
She has repeatedly said she does not want to see me, or show up at her house, so if I show up unannounced, I fear things could just take a turn for the worse.
Yes they could take a turn for the worse ... you could get arrested for stalking. You cannot pursue someone who has repeatedly told you to stay away from her. Trying to figure out what she "means" by that is a moot point.

In the meantime ... the one big reality here that you haven't talked much about is that you are now a parent. You have an emotional and financial responsibility to the child. You should be kicking in for her prenatal care, and when the child is born you should go to court and get visitation and custody and child support orders.

I guess you could hope that down the road she will see things differently. But for the time being, you have to respect what she's told you. And you have to focus on the new human being you have created. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  November 2,2009, 9:01am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

I think that she is busy with the real father of her unborn child. Based on what you have posted consider yourself lucky.
She's to mature for you and your not right for her. Move on she see's you as clingy and needy you don't know how to manage yourself no less a relationship yet, and she is not suited for you.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; November 2,2009 at 9:03am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  November 2,2009, 9:11am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
Yes they could take a turn for the worse ... you could get arrested for stalking. You cannot pursue someone who has repeatedly told you to stay away from her. Trying to figure out what she "means" by that is a moot point.

In the meantime ... the one big reality here that you haven't talked much about is that you are now a parent. You have an emotional and financial responsibility to the child. You should be kicking in for her prenatal care, and when the child is born you should go to court and get visitation and custody and child support orders.

I guess you could hope that down the road she will see things differently. But for the time being, you have to respect what she's told you. And you have to focus on the new human being you have created. Good luck!
Paternity test? The times are not right for him to be the Father of her unborn child.

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
mnsnowflake is offline mnsnowflake Post #8  November 2,2009, 9:44am

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 22

See profile

I pretty much agree with Harvey7 (but I'll say things nicer )

First of all, how old are the two of you? Secondly, you definetly have to get a paternity test. DO NOT assume that you are the father of this child...although you could be. **BTW, are you sure she is really pregnant? Did you go to the doctor with her? See the test stick? How are you sure the pregnancy is real?

My thought when reading this is that she used you to get pregnant. She wanted another baby...and bingo, she got one! Lucky for you, most women are NOT like this. Most are genuine and truly looking for love.

Give yourself some time. Stay away from this woman. Get the paternity test done when the baby is born...you have rights (and responcibities) should this baby actually be yours.

I know it's hard to accept when things are over and you don't want them to be...but please quit bashing your head against the door she closed. You deserve better. Go find it!
 
  Reply With Quote
Crerc is offline Crerc Post #9  November 2,2009, 2:40pm
Crerc's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 3

See profile

Thanks for the advice and opinions. I don't mind people telling me the harsh reality.

I'm 24 and she's 26, so perhaps Harvey is correct in respect that I am not mature enough for her yet.

I don't doubt a second the baby is mine, as she conceived after we have been going out for 3 weeks and declared to be exclusive.

I guess I just wanted other peoples perspective on this issue. Keep them coming.
 
  Reply With Quote
PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  November 2,2009, 2:44pm

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 6,908

See profile

She's bearing a child supposedly from both of you and suddenly she wants to move on....I'd say something isn't right.

Be prepared if one day she asks for some kind of child support.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« "Forgettable" sex -- sex-induced amnesia? | Relationships | Looking for six month anniversary idea for a men who has everything! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:04am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0