buffengineer is offline buffengineer Post #51  November 13,2009, 5:53am
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I personally could never stand a women who thinks "shes always right". What kind of wife would she make. Personally I don't think she would make that good of a wife. I personally think the man in the relationship should take the leadership position and when the women always has to be "right" in some ways its a disrespect to the man. Men above all else want respect from the women in their lives. While the men are supposed to love the wives. I could never see someone that is unwilling to compromise last that long in a serious relationship since relationships are always about compromise.. Personally I think its a very arrogant stance. Is this person married happily??? Or are they single.. I never take advice from single people.. Always from happily married couples..
 
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Pocketmorgan is offline Pocketmorgan Post #52  November 13,2009, 6:52am
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A real man should pretty much just step down from the arguement if he knows whats best for him. If he loves her he needs to realize woman are hardwired to be emotional and will always win the battle. WE WILL ALWAYS WIN... Its just our way.

So I say step down, but when she is in a nuetral mood communicate and say very politly and caringly what you think was unfair and PLEASE BE OPEN WITH YOUR FEELINGS. Then we will understand a whole lot better where your coming from. If you love her let her think she is right, there is no use in making her feel like shes not. That will bring her confidence down and who wants that?

If there is somthings that really need be discussed that are hurtung you are making you feel down on yourself you need to talk to her while she is in a nuetral mood, and say it with a kind and caring voice tone. DO NOT blame because she will raise the red flags and become defensive. Reason to her with no ego involved and she'll probly feel bad. Do not use this tool to turn things on her that are truly not her fault though.. Use it wisely my friend
 
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muddymo is offline muddymo Post #53  November 13,2009, 7:47am
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In my muddy opinion:

If you find yourself on opposite sides of an issue/argument having no real right or wrong answer, for example chicken for dinner or fish, then "be happy vs be right" should be heavily considered.

Having said that, using the same scenario, if you find that you never , or almost never, get what you want for dinner then that may be a sign of something more serious like you partner being a controller or abuser.

Now, having said that if you don't get what you want for dinner BUT she never gets to watch what she wants on TV it may be a good balance or it may be time to talk compromise.

If you easily and regularly see holes in your partners logic or wisdom for other issues and this is causing discomfort for either of you it is likely only a matter of time before the situation becomes undesirable for both of you.

You will be better off finding a partner matching your intelligence and/or maturity. But, be careful not to over shoot as you will find yourself on the other side of the same boat.
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #54  November 15,2009, 10:20am
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Pocketmorgan wrote :
A real man should pretty much just step down from the arguement if he knows whats best for him. If he loves her he needs to realize woman are hardwired to be emotional and will always win the battle. WE WILL ALWAYS WIN... Its just our way.

So I say step down, but when she is in a nuetral mood communicate and say very politly and caringly what you think was unfair and PLEASE BE OPEN WITH YOUR FEELINGS. Then we will understand a whole lot better where your coming from. If you love her let her think she is right, there is no use in making her feel like shes not. That will bring her confidence down and who wants that?

If there is somthings that really need be discussed that are hurtung you are making you feel down on yourself you need to talk to her while she is in a nuetral mood, and say it with a kind and caring voice tone. DO NOT blame because she will raise the red flags and become defensive. Reason to her with no ego involved and she'll probly feel bad. Do not use this tool to turn things on her that are truly not her fault though.. Use it wisely my friend
I don't understand.

Sorry, that's the only way I can put it. I don't understand what this means. Let me explain.

Let's say my significant other says something that is false. She tells me, for example, that the capitol of Florida is Miami. I say no, the capitol of Florida is Tallahassee.

Under this suggestion I should say, "OK, you're right, the capitol of Florida is Miami"? I should just go along with it because she's going to win by yelling at me? If I go to google and point out the capital of Florida is not Miami, but the opposite end of the state, I'm the one in the wrong for hurting her confidence?

So let's say I do that. I let her "win." Now I wait until she's calmed down. How do I bring this up? "Oh, by the way, my classmate from Miami called and said he's going up to Florida State next to Tallahassee and wanted to see the Florida capitol building."?

Do I express my "feelings"? Should I say, "I was really hurt when you insisted the Florida capitol was in the wrong place."? Should I give my true feelings which are "I was trying not to laugh at you for insisting upon something that is wrong without any evidence to back it up?"

It's not a matter of being hurt. Sometimes there are arguments where someone is right. If it's something silly, like the breakfast menu or politics, yeah, there's no right answer. But if my girlfriend starts trying to tell me that the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves, that female dogs are no longer called a certain thing once they're spayed, that we live north of the local college instead of south of it, or any other such nonsense I don't see how I can possibly accept this.

So what should I do in this situation? I honestly don't know. I don't really want to hurt her feelings but I also can't simply ignore being told that I'm wrong when I'm not.

What would you do?

Jacquesne
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #55  November 15,2009, 10:40am
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buffengineer wrote :
I personally could never stand a women who thinks "shes always right". What kind of wife would she make. Personally I don't think she would make that good of a wife. I personally think the man in the relationship should take the leadership position and when the women always has to be "right" in some ways its a disrespect to the man. Men above all else want respect from the women in their lives. While the men are supposed to love the wives. I could never see someone that is unwilling to compromise last that long in a serious relationship since relationships are always about compromise.. Personally I think its a very arrogant stance. Is this person married happily??? Or are they single.. I never take advice from single people.. Always from happily married couples..
If relationships are always about compromise, then why would men need to take the leadership role? Shouldn't it be a partnership?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #56  November 15,2009, 10:51am
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Pocketmorgan wrote :
A real man should pretty much just step down from the arguement if he knows whats best for him. If he loves her he needs to realize woman are hardwired to be emotional and will always win the battle. WE WILL ALWAYS WIN... Its just our way.

So I say step down, but when she is in a nuetral mood communicate and say very politly and caringly what you think was unfair and PLEASE BE OPEN WITH YOUR FEELINGS. Then we will understand a whole lot better where your coming from. If you love her let her think she is right, there is no use in making her feel like shes not. That will bring her confidence down and who wants that?

If there is somthings that really need be discussed that are hurtung you are making you feel down on yourself you need to talk to her while she is in a nuetral mood, and say it with a kind and caring voice tone. DO NOT blame because she will raise the red flags and become defensive. Reason to her with no ego involved and she'll probly feel bad. Do not use this tool to turn things on her that are truly not her fault though.. Use it wisely my friend
We will always win because we're hardwired to be emotional and a real man should step down from an argument? Seriously? Quite frankly, I've seen a lot of women get dumped because they are overly emotional when it comes to handling problems in relationships.

I disagree wholeheartedly with the concept that we will always win because we're emotional. Emotional maturity is where it's at, imho. The ability to accept not always being right is a part of being a mature adult in a mature relationship. Playing the emotion card and expecting men to adjust their behavior to deal with emotions isn't right or fair, and it smacks of a high maintenance drama queen. Guys have feelings too, and if they get stepped on often enough, they're going to start to disengage from a relationship all together. And there are instances where some things are just right and wrong, as Jacquesne pointed out, and there's no point in getting all emotional and hurt over those things.
 
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FisherGirl is offline FisherGirl Post #57  November 15,2009, 11:06am
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The way I see it, most arguments between couples are over small petty things. I think that most of the time, it should be thought out. Does it really matter who is right? I mean, there are bigger things in the world to worry about and discuss. Also, I think that most women need to relax. I am not a feminist, dislike them actually, but some things honestly DO NOT matter, so just let them go and relax!!
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #58  November 15,2009, 2:50pm
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FisherGirl wrote :
The way I see it, most arguments between couples are over small petty things. I think that most of the time, it should be thought out. Does it really matter who is right? I mean, there are bigger things in the world to worry about and discuss. Also, I think that most women need to relax. I am not a feminist, dislike them actually, but some things honestly DO NOT matter, so just let them go and relax!!
do you also dislike your right to own property and vote? just curious.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #59  November 15,2009, 4:04pm
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FisherGirl wrote :
The way I see it, most arguments between couples are over small petty things. I think that most of the time, it should be thought out. Does it really matter who is right? I mean, there are bigger things in the world to worry about and discuss. Also, I think that most women need to relax. I am not a feminist, dislike them actually, but some things honestly DO NOT matter, so just let them go and relax!!
scarlet13 wrote :
do you also dislike your right to own property and vote? just curious.
And do you dislike being given equal pay for equal work? Do you dislike having an entire range of careers to choose from rather than those that are "fit" for women? Do you dislike being educated? Do you dislike being able to make your own decisions rather than having your closest male relative do so? Do you dislike not losing a job because you get pregnant or you won't have sex wtih the boss?

Every freedom you enjoy, even the choice to be ignorant or to bad mouth people about whom you apparently know nothing, is a freedom built on the bones and blood of every man and woman who stood up for what was right, rather than what a select few deemed more beneficial to them.

You can be whatever you want, but show some respect, please, for the people who made that possible.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #60  November 15,2009, 4:27pm
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I don't know if the OP gives enough details to really understand the situation.

I at one time had a boyfriend who was constantly making reckless decisions and who was very defensive about any attempt at pointing out the really obvious safety issues with what he was about to do. He was a train wreck waiting to happen ... and I am sure he felt irritated with the "always right" woman.

Without knowing the details of the situation ...

It's entirely possible this woman's bedside manner isn't the best and that she should be giving in a little more. But I think communication is the real key here. Discuss how it's making you feel, but not only share your feelings, but find out how she feels and see if you can work out some sort of compromise that respects you both.
 
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