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Jacquesne wrote :
We can use emoticons in real life...it's called our face. Just sayin'. (:-Þ
LOL

+1 on the rest of your post too.
- November 2nd, 2009, 01:56 pm
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notyet wrote :
i hate to disagree with the troika of LBMM, BEA and WW- especially the first two...

BUT... if i were with a lady and was always wrong, i would not be with her very long.

compromise is essential when dealing with the feelings, longings and beliefs of two people in a relationship. i get the feeling from the OP that all of the compromise is going one way.

i would not tolerate that.
It's not really disagreement. I assumed from the tone of his post that there were enough compensating features to the relationship that he would not consider ending it. At that point it becomes a question of better negotiation (picking your battles) or deciding to live with it (being happy).

Perhaps my response was flip. Perhaps this was in response to the OPs use of a stereotype to outline his issue. No one is right all the time and I find it hard to believe that anyone would choose to enter a relationship with someone who actually insisted on being right all the time (although I've known people who have).

So, in the spirit of actually giving good adice, OP, it's an issue that won't get better with time. It will only change with communication and commitment from you both. It might not even change then, which leaves you with the choices I mentioned originally. But think hard about it. Does she really insist that she's right all the time or do you just remember the times she's out-argued you?

It may also just be a case of finding a tactful way to let her know that the behavior is prevalent and troublesome. Sometimes we fall into patterns without really thinking about how they affect other people.

And personally, if I was with a man with whom I had to be right all the time, I'd find another man.

Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; November 2nd, 2009 at 04:34 pm.
- November 2nd, 2009, 04:29 pm
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Jacquesne wrote :
We can use emoticons in real life...it's called our face. Just sayin'. (:-Þ

This one is tough. Someone who always has to be right is difficult to deal with. I know because I have to constantly fight to avoid being that person. And I often lose! (see what I did there? )

I'll give the classic "dude advice" which is going to be unpopular with the women so close your eyes. You need to...I said close your eyes! Stop reading this, woman! You, too...I see you over there. Geez. Can't get any privacy around here.

Anyway, you need to take the initiative. This is a difficult situation for guys. On one hand we're supposed to be "sensitive" to the new girl power thingy but on the other hand we're still supposed to be men. This is harder than it sounds.

A woman who always has to be right is doing one of two things. First she may genuinely just that opinionated (or even right...never discount that possibility!). The second one, and more common one (and the only one you can actually do anything about) is that it's one of those annoying subconscious tests she likes doing and pretending she doesn't know about. Good thing the ladies aren't reading this or I'd have them all over...hey! I see you! Shoo!

The test is simple; will you stand up to her? Most women simply don't respect a guy they can push around. So they try anyway. It's a test to see if you're willing to stand up to her. Don't take this the wrong way...this does not, by any means, mean that you need to take control in all things or boss her around. An abusive guy is worse than a wimpy guy. Pushing back means leadership, not domination. There is a difference.

Stand up for yourself. Argue your point and stick by your decisions. Don't try to change her views but make sure she understands that you have your own and you are not going to just let her shut you down. She'll either respect you for it or she'll never respect you anyway. A guy with no confidence in themselves isn't going to keep a woman's attention for long. I hate to say it that way but it's the truth. Be strong enough to admit when you're wrong but also be strong enough to stand up for yourself when you're right.

There's a time to compromise and there's a time to stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid to disagree with her because you fear jeopardizing your relationship. Couples fight, couples argue over stuff, couple disagree. She won't be able to trust that you are willing to contradict her if you never argue with her. Few people want a puppy as their partner. If you show you can stand up to her she'll be able to trust that you are being honest with her when she wants your opinion on something that matters to her.

Many women don't like this kind of talk. They see it as chauvinistic and domineering. That's why I made them leave the room (even if I see them over there trying to listen at the door! You're not as sneaky as you think you are!). But the truth is that women don't respect a guy who never takes the lead. These guys are the stereotypical "Nice Guys®" who stay permanently single and resentful.

To use a dancing example when taking the lead you need to be firm, clear in your frame, and confident in your step. Even when you mess up you still need to shake it off and keep going. You need to think ahead and don't let her back-lead and throw things off. That doesn't mean you need to grab her and be rough, rude, or overly controlling. You just need to maintain your base and be the pivot point, the home base which allows her to be herself and yet aligned with you at the same time.

Women often think they want a guy who does what they say until they actually experience it and are surprised when the guy starts to simply disgust them. They'll get progressively meaner and bossier about it just to see how much they can push the boundaries.

If you don't push back you're going to get pushed out. There's nothing wrong with a woman being strong-willed (I prefer it) but you have to be able to hold your own or it doesn't work. I hope that helps.

Oh, women, you can come back now. I just told him that he should be understanding, tell her how she is making him feel, and buy her a lot of flowers. Yeah, that was it.

Jacquesne
Oh shush, young'un. I heard the whole thing and there's nothing at all incorrect in what you said.

Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; November 2nd, 2009 at 04:36 pm. Reason: Or shall I rephrase that: I was wrong. You and Notyet were right...
- November 2nd, 2009, 04:32 pm
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People who have to be right all the time are such bores (sorry OP but if your friends don't tell ya.............).

I have a very good friend who is otherwise a nice person but she can not be wrong. Ever. It's so tiresome. I never care that much about the things she corrects me on and so generally she just seems petty and pedantic in my eyes. Likewise (and this is arrogant) I know I'm clever, I don't mind being the one who thinks the Emperor is naked and I don't mind sometimes being totally, utterly, completely incorrect.

I can't imagine I'd like a know-it-all trait any better in a boyfriend. I want to be with someone confident enough in himself to be a total idiot sometimes.
- November 2nd, 2009, 05:18 pm
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<-----Not a guy. Also not always right.

And, I hate to quote charlatans but everybody gets something right sometime so: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

Pick your battles.
Well said! "Pick your battles" is something I live by. I don't always want to be right, but I do want to be heard.
- November 2nd, 2009, 05:49 pm
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If that is how she really feels, then I would run and not look back. That is extremely unhealthy for a relationship.

Those "rules" are just a joke and nothing more. If she takes it seriously then she plans to dominate any relationship that she has. She will have no respect for any man that she is seeing. When she does find some poor sap to put up with her, she will secretly resent him for letting her have her way.

On the other hand, women like that sometimes meet an abusive man that will "put her in her place". In that situation he will dominate the relationship and she will feel secure in finding a "real man". The whole time she will be abused psychologically and often physically.
- November 2nd, 2009, 08:52 pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
People who have to be right all the time are such bores (sorry OP but if your friends don't tell ya.............).
I thought I was wrong once. But I was mistaken.
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:41 am
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trixie1868 wrote :
People who have to be right all the time are such bores (sorry OP but if your friends don't tell ya.............).

I have a very good friend who is otherwise a nice person but she can not be wrong. Ever. It's so tiresome. I never care that much about the things she corrects me on and so generally she just seems petty and pedantic in my eyes. Likewise (and this is arrogant) I know I'm clever, I don't mind being the one who thinks the Emperor is naked and I don't mind sometimes being totally, utterly, completely incorrect.

I can't imagine I'd like a know-it-all trait any better in a boyfriend. I want to be with someone confident enough in himself to be a total idiot sometimes.
Yeah Trixie! I know of no person, male or female, that is always right. And you won't see me following a man or woman when they act as lemmings going off a cliff (tragic mistake). If he can't hear me, then there's no point talking to him. Whatever happened to partnership and team effort? And a lobotomy nor a bigger cheeky rooster won't solve the problem, I'll still know they're wacked.
- November 3rd, 2009, 06:40 am
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Hey, and how about those Phillies?
- November 3rd, 2009, 06:42 am
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Jacquesne wrote :
We can use emoticons in real life...it's called our face. Just sayin'. (:-Þ

This one is tough. Someone who always has to be right is difficult to deal with. I know because I have to constantly fight to avoid being that person. And I often lose! (see what I did there? )

I'll give the classic "dude advice" which is going to be unpopular with the women so close your eyes. You need to...I said close your eyes! Stop reading this, woman! You, too...I see you over there. Geez. Can't get any privacy around here.

Anyway, you need to take the initiative. This is a difficult situation for guys. On one hand we're supposed to be "sensitive" to the new girl power thingy but on the other hand we're still supposed to be men. This is harder than it sounds.

A woman who always has to be right is doing one of two things. First she may genuinely just that opinionated (or even right...never discount that possibility!). The second one, and more common one (and the only one you can actually do anything about) is that it's one of those annoying subconscious tests she likes doing and pretending she doesn't know about. Good thing the ladies aren't reading this or I'd have them all over...hey! I see you! Shoo!

The test is simple; will you stand up to her? Most women simply don't respect a guy they can push around. So they try anyway. It's a test to see if you're willing to stand up to her. Don't take this the wrong way...this does not, by any means, mean that you need to take control in all things or boss her around. An abusive guy is worse than a wimpy guy. Pushing back means leadership, not domination. There is a difference.

Stand up for yourself. Argue your point and stick by your decisions. Don't try to change her views but make sure she understands that you have your own and you are not going to just let her shut you down. She'll either respect you for it or she'll never respect you anyway. A guy with no confidence in themselves isn't going to keep a woman's attention for long. I hate to say it that way but it's the truth. Be strong enough to admit when you're wrong but also be strong enough to stand up for yourself when you're right.

There's a time to compromise and there's a time to stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid to disagree with her because you fear jeopardizing your relationship. Couples fight, couples argue over stuff, couple disagree. She won't be able to trust that you are willing to contradict her if you never argue with her. Few people want a puppy as their partner. If you show you can stand up to her she'll be able to trust that you are being honest with her when she wants your opinion on something that matters to her.

Many women don't like this kind of talk. They see it as chauvinistic and domineering. That's why I made them leave the room (even if I see them over there trying to listen at the door! You're not as sneaky as you think you are!). But the truth is that women don't respect a guy who never takes the lead. These guys are the stereotypical "Nice Guys®" who stay permanently single and resentful.

To use a dancing example when taking the lead you need to be firm, clear in your frame, and confident in your step. Even when you mess up you still need to shake it off and keep going. You need to think ahead and don't let her back-lead and throw things off. That doesn't mean you need to grab her and be rough, rude, or overly controlling. You just need to maintain your base and be the pivot point, the home base which allows her to be herself and yet aligned with you at the same time.

Women often think they want a guy who does what they say until they actually experience it and are surprised when the guy starts to simply disgust them. They'll get progressively meaner and bossier about it just to see how much they can push the boundaries.

If you don't push back you're going to get pushed out. There's nothing wrong with a woman being strong-willed (I prefer it) but you have to be able to hold your own or it doesn't work. I hope that helps.

Oh, women, you can come back now. I just told him that he should be understanding, tell her how she is making him feel, and buy her a lot of flowers. Yeah, that was it.

Jacquesne
Can't believe you are only 25.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:10 am
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