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Butterfly991 Butterfly991 is offline
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hey hi
I'm new here but i really need some advice, i'm in a relationship with this guy who is 24 (i'm 18) we have already had a fight/argument and im wondering if thats bad?,
i cant help but think of what would have happened if we parted? i think i love him...i'v worked on our relationship more than any befor, (yes i realise im young and have plenty of time to find the right guy) i cant let him go but im not sure i know how to carry on, and i cant tell if he's the one.(so to speak) see he's also my first, so he means alot to me, and he's a very jealous guy, but has been ok about one of my guy friends (after we argued about it) he say's he loves me very much and wants a life with me, and that sounds great but im not sure what i want yet, but the relationship is going really well, we enjoy eachothers company and see one another often.

is it wrong to stay with him?
i'v realised that douhting how far we will go is robbing him of his time to find another,who knows what she wants, but the very thought makes me want to cry, and if i do stay with him will i regret it?, look back and feel like i could have "done better or gone another way insted" or found someone better, it feels wrong even asking, its not fair on him, but i cant tell if im just freakin out or if it actually means something.
i know him being my first can raise such emotions/feelings. and me being young and "inexperianced" can add to the whole is it really love thing,
and what is love?...to love someone for who they are through thick and thin? or does it all just come naturaly?
do you think im in over my head on this one??

anyone??
thanks
best wishes!!
- November 1st, 2009, 02:50 am
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Rinster Rinster is offline
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To quote you "i cant tell if he's the one."
You already have the answer. You should be able to tell.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:56 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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At either 18 or 24 I would just enjoy the person for the moment and not worry about the future.

At that age I was devoted to working, with a secondary interest in finishing school and getting some financial security and appropriate housing.

Dating was a distant third priority, and the long term suitability of partners not even a concern. There is so much that can interfere with a relationship forming: moving; career, lifestyle, or family objectives developing in incompatible directions.

Personally, I think that's an age for seeing a variety of people and getting some diverse data on what people are like. I also think it is much too soon for being in love.
- November 1st, 2009, 06:46 am
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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
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Butterfly991 wrote :
I'm new here but i really need some advice, i'm in a relationship with this guy who is 24 (i'm 18) we have already had a fight/argument and im wondering if thats bad?
It doesn't sound like you have been with this guy for very long ...? ...but conflict isn't a 'bad' thing, necessarily, and nothing to be afraid on a relationship unless with a constant thing without any of those issues being addressed and resolved - like if you find yourselves fighting over the same thing over and over, etc.

Butterfly991 wrote :
he say's he loves me very much and wants a life with me, and that sounds great but im not sure what i want yet, but the relationship is going really well, we enjoy eachothers company and see one another often.
I would never say that you are too young to be "in love", but by your own admission, your gut is telling you something else here ...that he probably isn't for you - or, at least, giving you enough doubt to question it. And, in my experience, if your gut is causing you to ask the question, then you probably already know the answer.

Don't let this guy sway you with sugary words of love and life if that's not what you want.

Butterfly991 wrote :
is it wrong to stay with him?
i'v realised that douhting how far we will go is robbing him of his time to find another,who knows what she wants, but the very thought makes me want to cry, and if i do stay with him will i regret it?
You are afraid to hurt him ...that's not a good enough reason to stay with him if you aren't 'feeling' it. It's not wrong to stay with him if you are simply unsure of your feelings for him and want to give it a chance, but given the doubt you are already having, I'd say it would be wrong if you are just leading him on because you are scared of an unknown future without him.

He's your first and, as you said (which is, by the way, very mature of you), it comes with it's own amount of 'connection' that may or may not be real. If it's validity that you want, I'd say that it's probably ok - given your ages and the fact that the two of you are obviously in different life stages (he's looking to get married and settle down, you aren't) - to let this one go. Make no mistake, it's probably going to hurt - badly - but any more so than tormenting yourself with doubt now and regret later?
- November 1st, 2009, 07:54 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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I know people who found The One in high school and are still together now, 25 years later. It is quite possible to find the right one for you even though you are very young.

But I think the whole concept of a one and only true love can keep people in relationships that are not right for them, so be careful of that, too. You can have the kind of chemistry and feelings you have for this particular boy with someone else if it turns out he's not really right for you.

It will help if you do some thinking about what you want in a relationship long-term. What will you need to be truly happy? Can this guy provide that? You may need to talk to him about those things now and again, maybe not directly, but sort of probing by asking open-ended questions, to determine this.

Lastly, I am concerned about the anger issues you seem to mention in your post. Is this guy trying to isolate you from family and friends? That's a red flag to me ... it would say he is controlling and potentially abusive. Proceed with caution.
- November 1st, 2009, 08:10 am
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Benevolence32 Benevolence32 is offline
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Hindsight is 20/20. I would not leave him unless you're a 100 percent sure that is what you want or you might regret it 20 years from now. Good love is hard to find it's just like the Tom Petty song. I think you should just give it a little more time.
My brother married when he was like 20 years old and they're still married 18 years or so later, so it can happen.
- November 1st, 2009, 09:23 am
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Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is online now
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Real love can happen at 18. Since you are in love but confused, it's a good idea to not do anything soon that's over-committed: like make a baby, get married, etc., until you are much more clear about things.

I have some concern about your age difference. 24 is, or should be, a lot older than 18. Your 24-year-old may be immature, which could mean he has other kinds of problems. Or he could be unable to deal with more mature women, which will be a problem when you are 24!

Also as Nightling said, be careful of people who want you to drop friends or family for them. That is Not Good.

Go ahead and love being in love! just don't do anything you can't undo, for now.
- November 1st, 2009, 10:11 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Little bit to disagree with Sassafras:

Men seem to need more years to get emotionally-mature. 18 / 24 can be a big difference if one is still depending on parents and one is self-sufficient - but women looking to trade daddy-dependancy for boyfriend-dependancy is a problem at older ages too.

If we take as given that commitments will not happen for another five years or more, this sounds like a good age gap.
- November 1st, 2009, 11:44 am
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jayjay jayjay is offline
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Regarding finding a great person that you could spend the rest of your life with. I think this is as likely to happen when you're young as when you're older. However, the problem is when you're young you don't really know what a 'great person you could spend the rest of your life with' is like. You might at first think someone is a great match for you when they really aren't....or you might turn away from someone who really is great for you. It just seems to take some time to get a feel for these things. Good luck.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:05 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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No. I have friends who married in January, who were 18 and 19 and had been in a relationship since she was around 15. Then you have people like me (now 34) and haven't found 'the one'.

I am more concerned about the nervous confusion in your post and some of the comments about him being a jealous guy. I agree with D_Lion that men need more years to emotionally mature, I have found this to be true.

People will have differing viewpoints on love. For me, it is wanting the very best for the object (person) of my love at all times. Love has always evolved over time with me with regard to a man/woman relationship.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:43 pm
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