Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #1  October 30,2009, 3:34am
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What a lot of troddel. The article skims on all the really criticale issues and gets into flipancy.


Firstly, there is kinda diffrence with a holiday romance to a decades long marrige with children and other intanglemenst. Anyone who has gone through the ending of the latter sort of relation really would even give much consideration to the former. There are no impediments to being freinds/ freindly.

Friendships envolve into relationships and maybe back again. Big deal.

And what is with this grades of appropriate "venues." I guess if you have no close freinds who may be off the opposite gender then simple things like wishing happy birthday may be confusing. I have a number of women freinds, some (well most) I'd grant are attractive, some are attached, some not, some have been through relationships as I. I have sat up late, maybe drinking too much, sleeping over, sexual tension; all without the slightest bother. We are talking about adults after all. Its all quite easy to tell a freind they are only being affectionate because they have experince some truma (car crash, break up, beravement) and be there for them, not you. Not hard.

Oh, and as for still having feelings; of course. Be strange if you never did. It is just that sometimes love is not enough. But we can deal with those. Or should. Its a maturity thing.
Last edited by Fleuellen; October 30,2009 at 3:37am.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #2  October 30,2009, 3:55am
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I agree with Fleuellen... and it is tough sometimes to have to give up knowing someone because they had qualities that you really enjoyed... I have stayed friends with a couple of ex's but mostly not... sometimes wonder how they faired and then hoped for the best...

I will say that when we did stay friends it wasn't planned or intentional, it just happened.
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  October 30,2009, 6:30am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Did I read the same article? I don't remember anything at all about 'holiday romances'. ? The article seems pretty sensible and is exactly I would do regarding past relationships and friendship and is what I would recommend to most people that I know.
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #4  October 30,2009, 7:23am
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I didn't read the article because I really don't care what some goofball author thinks.

Me, I'm friends with my ex-wife. She just broke up with her bf, and I said, "If you need anything, let me know," and I meant it.

No big deal.

I did the facebook thing a couple of weeks ago, and one of the first people who friended me was my high school gf. We dated for seven years, all through high school and a good deal of college. If we still lived in the same town, I'd bet dogs to donuts she and I would still be friends.

No big deal.

I have a gf. She has a kid, still talks with her daughter's father, when she can, and if she had her druthers, she'd be better friends with him, and it wouldn't bother me at all. Heck, her cell phone was still in her ex-bf's name.

No big deal.

I'll be friends with whom I damned well please, and I won't begrudge you your relationships.


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 30,2009, 8:55am
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I cannot imagine remaining friends with a girl that I had been in a relationship with who had broken up with me. But maybe that just is an indication of the intensity and commitment with which I approach a relationship.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #6  October 30,2009, 9:35am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I cannot imagine remaining friends with a girl that I had been in a relationship with who had broken up with me. But maybe that just is an indication of the intensity and commitment with which I approach a relationship.
Can you clone a Muslim version of yourself for me
I agree...I can be civil but not friends. At a certain point you just need to move on and leave the past behind so that you can enjoy a more fruitful future with that special someone.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #7  October 30,2009, 12:31pm
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Staying friends has worked out for me, not with every guy but the ones who mattered the most. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I still communicate once or twice a year with an ex from college. With him, it's enough just knowing that he's happy and doing well; I don't want him back. There are several guys from my more recent past that I have no problem exchanging pleasantries with, but that's all there is to it. If we never talked again, I wouldn't be heart-broken. I'm just happy that they've moved on, and are doing well.

The only man that I have maintained a close relationship with, is taken. Actually, we both are. We've made it work because we genuinely care about each other. I want this man in my life... always. Caring about him has nothing to do with how I feel about the new man in my life. These two relationships are completely separate.

For me, connecting with someone who speaks to my soul, and who truly understands me, is just too precious a friendship to throw away. Whether it's a female friend that I find this with, or a man that I was once connected with romantically, this kind of connection is worth something.

Will I take care to make sure that I don't cross any boundaries with this guy, or do anything to make my new guy uncomfortable? Absolutely. Am I going to mind if my new guy feels the same way about someone from his past? No. See, I trust him, and I know that he will put my feelings first.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway... trust?
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #8  October 30,2009, 12:55pm
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Should You Really ... fix the title of this tread so people know what it's about?

Yes.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  October 30,2009, 4:31pm
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When I broke up with an ex, it is because I wanted rid of them.
 
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Gumbee is offline Gumbee Post #10  October 31,2009, 3:13pm
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I absolutely do not stay friends with ex's. It has become such a cliche - people often say it because they don't want to completely hurt the other's feelings. It's like an escape hatch that many people don't honestly intend to use.

If I am the 'dumpee', why would I want to accept what is essentially a demotion in my ex's life, especially if I still have really strong feelings for him? What happens if he starts seeing someone else before I've healed and moved on? Am I going to be happy with the occasional table scrap of a text or email message from him, which is likely the best I can hope for? I respect myself far more than that.

There are reasons people break up. In my mind, the friendship aspect of the relationship likely wasn't on solid ground to begin with. How does discontinuing the sexual aspect solve the rest of the problems that led to the break-up in the first place?

I agreed to "be friends" with an ex once, but it quickly became apparent it was more about him keeping his ego intact than it was about any of my feelings. So I cut him loose and vowed never again.

This, by the way, goes the other way too: If I am the 'dumper', I would rather hurt someone quickly and get it over with, than prolong their agony, just so I can tell myself how swell I am."
 
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