Here goes,

I'm been in an exclusive [I thought] relationship with the same man for 2 years. I've not gone out with anyone eles and I don't communicate or give other guys the time of day because I thought we were both working towards a one-on-one committed relationship with one another. Oh course I thought this b/c we'd discussed it along the way. I should add that I'm an attractive young lady, 9 years younger than my boyfriend with high self-esteem, or again, so I thought. A couple of weeks ago, he accidently left his cellphone in my car. I tried but couldn't reframe from going throught it. I found a text message from him to his ex-girlfriend telling her information about a mutual person she had no interest in and I listened to her voice mail message to him asking him to provide her with the contact number for the person in question, reminding him who she was and giving him her cellphone number. I also found 6 or so text message he had initiated with a girl he describes as someone young with entirely too much drama that he would never involve himself with but, of course, they had sex once. I took his cellphone back to him, went home, called him and blew up. To make a long story short, he lied saying he left the phone on purpose knowing I'd go through it to set me up, etc. He has not apologized. He said I was in the wrong for going through his phone and would have never known had I not invaded his privacy. This man loses his mind when my brother calls, how could he have disrespected me in this fashion. Should I take him back? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too? What is going on, we're both over 45 and I've never played this game before. Guy/Gails, please help!

You are asking "should you take him back?" Does he even want to be taken back? What has gone on in your relationship in the two weeks since this has happened?

Without knowing how deeply you two feel about each other, and without knowing if you've treated each other with kindness or hostility since this event, my gut reaction is that neither one of you trusts the other any more. Once trust is broken, it is difficult, and often impossible, to regain.

This isn't a game, it is life. You both violated the other's trust. You were both in the wrong. Do you two have enough love and commitment already to WANT to move past this? It will take equal commitment from both of you... if only one wants to make amends it will not happen.

Since he won't apologize and you are feeling so disrespected by his communications with women that really don't sound all that suspicious from what you've written... it doesn't look too good for your relationship. It sounds to me more a matter of how long you want to drag out the ending.

Here goes,

I'm been in an exclusive [I thought] relationship with the same man for 2 years. I've not gone out with anyone eles and I don't communicate or give other guys the time of day because I thought we were both working towards a one-on-one committed relationship with one another. Oh course I thought this b/c we'd discussed it along the way. I should add that I'm an attractive young lady, 9 years younger than my boyfriend with high self-esteem, or again, so I thought. A couple of weeks ago, he accidently left his cellphone in my car. I tried but couldn't reframe from going throught it. I found a text message from him to his ex-girlfriend telling her information about a mutual person she had no interest in and I listened to her voice mail message to him asking him to provide her with the contact number for the person in question, reminding him who she was and giving him her cellphone number. I also found 6 or so text message he had initiated with a girl he describes as someone young with entirely too much drama that he would never involve himself with but, of course, they had sex once. I took his cellphone back to him, went home, called him and blew up. To make a long story short, he lied saying he left the phone on purpose knowing I'd go through it to set me up, etc. He has not apologized. He said I was in the wrong for going through his phone and would have never known had I not invaded his privacy. This man loses his mind when my brother calls, how could he have disrespected me in this fashion. Should I take him back? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too? What is going on, we're both over 45 and I've never played this game before. Guy/Gails, please help!