New relationship - plans for Christmas???


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
crackerman is offline crackerman Post #1  October 19,2009, 3:20pm
crackerman's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

Ok, probably a bit of a silly question here,

I've only been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 weeks now. Last week she found out that she could not make her annual family trip away for Christmas because of work commitments. She is only getting the 24th to 26th off and they usually go away for two weeks each year.

She has been very upset about this as she loves having her family and especially her nephews around at that time of year and doesn't want to spend it on her own. Christmas is usually the only time of the year that they all see each other so it could be another year before she gets to see some of her sisters.

To add to this, her best friend, who she could probably have spent Christmas with will also be away at Christmas, so she literally would be spending the day on her own.

I know she would like to spend it with my family as we all gather at my parents house for it and she has started asking questions about what we usually do for Christmas.

I would like to invite her to join us, but feel it is just a little early in our relationship at the moment to do it. I would prefer to leave it a few weeks or even a month until she meets some of the family first and the relationship is a little more advanced before inviting her. So far she's only met a couple of my friends and no family members, so it seems a little early to be inviting her to spend Christmas days with us, to date the only other people to spend Christmas with us have subsequently married into the family My brothers girlfriend of 4 years has never even been invited, although I think that needs a seperate thread!

My question would be, what's the best way to approach this, obviously the longer I leave it without asking her the more she might think I'm not committed to the relationship, when in fact I'm more confident of this one lasting that I think I have been before? It's just that Christmas day has always been very much a family day!
 
  Reply With Quote
eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 19,2009, 3:27pm
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,100

See profile

Interesting dilemma!

Could you simply say,

"I'm sorry your plans are all falling through for Christmas. If things between us keep going as well as they have been, maybe we could spend it together."

and leave it at that for now?

Then once you feel more secure in the relationship, "officially" invite her.

Do you think that would work?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 19,2009, 3:30pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,743

See profile

Let’s put it this way, what is likely to go wrong if you invite her?

I have been at a partner’s parents’ house for christmas somewhat often, and quickly (though a lot of my partners lived with their parents.) Never had a problem from it.

I would lean toward inviting her, personally.
 
  Reply With Quote
crackerman is offline crackerman Post #4  October 19,2009, 3:37pm
crackerman's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

I'm sure nothing is likely to go wrong if I invite her, just feel that 3 weeks is a bit soon to invite her to the whole family get together. It's not like it would just be dropping in for a few hours but as we'd have to travel to my parents it would be probably 48hours straight surrounded by my family! Actually, looking at it that way I'm not too sure if I want to go!!!!

I'll go with Lori's advice I think, and just leave it there as a suggestion for a few weeks until we've been together a little longer and she gets to know some of the family. I know they're going to get on great anyway so there are no worries from that point of view.
 
  Reply With Quote
dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #5  October 19,2009, 5:07pm
dietpepsi's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 295

See profile

The fact that you feel sorry for her is a great sign of compassion. If you can somehow express your empathy to her without seeming too deliberate, she would really appreciate you -- regardless of whether you ultimately invite her over or whether she decides to come or not.

I agree, take things one step at a time. You can still have some lighthearted forward-looking conversations about what the holidays mean to you and what you typically do ... like suggest that you two go ice skating or watch ice hockey when it gets cold. Gives both of you something to look forward it.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  October 19,2009, 5:11pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Keep in mind....Christmas is more than 2 months away. By then you might have broken up with this woman....or things could also be a bit more serious.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #7  October 19,2009, 6:46pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

I thinking making the offer so early is foolish. Obviously if things progress then of course you will be seeing each other through the holidays. But the holidays are 2 months away, and almost anything could happen between now and then.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #8  October 19,2009, 6:47pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

I thinking making the offer so early is foolish. Obviously if things progress then of course you will be seeing each other through the holidays. But the holidays are 2 months away, and almost anything could happen between now and then.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  October 19,2009, 11:32pm

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

Why not invite her to join you for a weekend at a Ski Lodge or Atlantic City where it's just the two of you? Your brother does not want his family involved in his social life! You could invite her to a X-Mas dinner and stop by your parents house or invite your brother and his g/f to join you?

But you still have a lot of time ti get to know each other. Good Luck.

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #10  October 20,2009, 12:19am
Fleuellen's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 785

See profile

"I've only been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 weeks now"

Aside from the 3 weeks bit, which kinda feels a bit short to pur anyone in "girl/boy friend catorgoy, I felt that was a most excerlant issues. For myself I tend to be going out with a number of women and I've little sence of what might be the state of play come christmas. But it is a very family social time of year, with scope for confussion about expectations, commitments.

Some families can be particuar about "outsiders" being involved, others only happy for whoever to join-in, ie someone you met at the train station the day before who can't get to their own family because of snow or such.

Myself, I focus on just my 3 sons and I. Catch up with my own mother during the week before. When with last partner, chrismas eve was our time before she went off to see her family for christmas day in nearby town. Sometimes my sons might be invited to visit maternal family (mother died years ago) but that would usually be during following week. I'd work with emergency serv. so would often be at work anyway.

But I had noted that the women I've been with have varied family connection and might like to share in my comitments. I'd like to share my christmas too. It makes me realise that "one" might be easier to deal with. Then again, I like it with just my sons, and there are plenty options at the fringe to include others. Chrismas eve charols, boxing day picnic or seperate dinner christmas night.

But it is an interesting question ... few months yet to ponder such. I wouldn't be too concerned at this stage.

But
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Does this sound like someone with committment issues? | Relationships | The Road to Nowhere-Crazy? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How to get out of a relationship texx77 Ask a Dating Expert 51 January 27,2011 5:21am
6.5yr Relationship..lies..what to do? GabbieChanel Relationships 13 July 3,2010 12:58pm
She just wants us to be "dating" and not a relationship. secretagent4777 Relationships 21 October 29,2009 3:15pm
Would you have a relationship with this loser? tom1385 Relationships 19 September 5,2009 1:52am
New Relationship Frustration -- What is she thinking!?!? phreelogic Dating 21 July 15,2009 8:32pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:12am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0