New relationship - plans for Christmas???


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #11  October 20,2009, 6:05am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

Fleuellen wrote :
"I've only been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 weeks now"

Aside from the 3 weeks bit, which kinda feels a bit short to pur anyone in "girl/boy friend catorgoy, I felt that was a most excerlant issues. For myself I tend to be going out with a number of women and I've little sence of what might be the state of play come christmas. But it is a very family social time of year, with scope for confussion about expectations, commitments.

Some families can be particuar about "outsiders" being involved, others only happy for whoever to join-in, ie someone you met at the train station the day before who can't get to their own family because of snow or such.

Myself, I focus on just my 3 sons and I. Catch up with my own mother during the week before. When with last partner, chrismas eve was our time before she went off to see her family for christmas day in nearby town. Sometimes my sons might be invited to visit maternal family (mother died years ago) but that would usually be during following week. I'd work with emergency serv. so would often be at work anyway.

But I had noted that the women I've been with have varied family connection and might like to share in my comitments. I'd like to share my christmas too. It makes me realise that "one" might be easier to deal with. Then again, I like it with just my sons, and there are plenty options at the fringe to include others. Chrismas eve charols, boxing day picnic or seperate dinner christmas night.

But it is an interesting question ... few months yet to ponder such. I wouldn't be too concerned at this stage.

But
Stop being such a Drama Queen, it about you and the young lady and not your whole family. Just get to know her! If she responds to you and if it's a match then you'll cross each bridge as you come to it.

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #12  October 20,2009, 8:24am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,080

See profile

3 weeks? I wouldn't even think about holiday plans that are 8 weeks in the future with someone I'd been dating for 3 weeks.

Your concern for her feelings though is very sweet. Perhaps you could just be caring and empathetic about it with her for the time being, then see how things are around say Dec. 1. Your family will get over it if you bring a short-term gf.
 
  Reply With Quote
kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #13  October 20,2009, 8:29am
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2008

Louisiana

Posts: 447

See profile

I would suggest a bit of a compromise. Are you going to spend the whole day with family? Perhaps you could have Christmas dinner with your family without her, and then do something with her also. Even if you have to make it Christmas eve or the day after (since she as all three of those days off.)
That may help soften it a little for her if you don't invite her to meet your family, but make a special effort to do something with her around that time.

**Edit
Also, what sassafras said - there is a LOT of time still before Christmas relative to how long you've been dating. Don't sweat it too much until it gets closer.
 
  Reply With Quote
Daphnie is offline Daphnie Post #14  October 20,2009, 8:49am
Daphnie's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2009

TX

Posts: 288

See profile

Care for two cents from a woman's perspective?

I have been dating with a guy from eH for almost 2 months. We are both very close to our families, except that mine is in China, which leaves me with no one on holidays. Of course it'll make me very happy if he invites me to join his family for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. But I totally understand if he doesn't. What's the rush? I wouldn't enjoy the time anyway if I sensed his anxiety or the awkwardness. Good food takes time. So does a good relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
crackerman is offline crackerman Post #15  October 20,2009, 2:30pm
crackerman's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

Thanks for the advice guys,

Just on a couple of points, we'd only have considered ourselves a real couple for the last few weeks but we actually know each other for a couple of years and have been good friends for the last few months, which kind of evolved into a couple of dates and then seeing each other regularly and hanging out with each others friends etc, which I would say was about 3 weeks ago. Because we've known each other quite well for a while now it doesn't feel like a new relationship in many ways.

The main reason I'm wondering about what to say to her about Christmas is that she loves that time of year, she actually starts one of those countdown to Christmas calenders in her kitchen at the start of October every year! It's always been a big family time for her and she's upset that rather than spend it surrounded by her family she could be spending it on her own. Coming from a family that also always spends Christmas together, I would hate spending it on my own in an apartment knowing everyone else was together.

Obviously I don't like to see her upset and I'm pretty sure that she would really like to spend it with me, which also means that she'd have to spend it with my family. As my parents live about 5 to 6 hours drive away for the city we both live in, it also means that dropping in for dinner and then driving home isn't really an option. It's kind of an all or nothing kind of deal!

Anyway, I think I'll go with suggesting that she could possibly spend it with us, if we're still going strong. I just don't like putting that "if" in there in case she picks it up in the wrong way!

If we're getting on as well in 2 months time as we are now I know I wouldn't have to think twice about inviting her along, it's just waiting for us to get there without seeming inconsiderate that I was worried about!

Thanks again for your replies
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #16  October 20,2009, 2:35pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
3 weeks? I wouldn't even think about holiday plans that are 8 weeks in the future with someone I'd been dating for 3 weeks.

It is not so much thinking about holiday plans as it is deciding how to signal to a partner what role you see them in, in your life.

Right, wrong or indifferent, his partner sent the conversation in that direction, perhaps with thought to gauge his reaction, perhaps not.

I would take it as a strategic conversation.
 
  Reply With Quote
crackerman is offline crackerman Post #17  October 20,2009, 2:37pm
crackerman's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
Your brother does not want his family involved in his social life!.
He actually always goes home for Christmas, he just doesn't invite her
 
  Reply With Quote
kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #18  October 20,2009, 4:54pm
kevin76's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2008

Louisiana

Posts: 447

See profile

crackerman wrote :
Thanks for the advice guys,

...snip...
...snip...

...snip...
Anyway, I think I'll go with suggesting that she could possibly spend it with us, if we're still going strong. I just don't like putting that "if" in there in case she picks it up in the wrong way!

If we're getting on as well in 2 months time as we are now I know I wouldn't have to think twice about inviting her along, it's just waiting for us to get there without seeming inconsiderate that I was worried about!

Thanks again for your replies
Don't put any 'if' statements in there. I would think that is implied automatically. Tell her you're sure there would be no problem with her going, and leave it at that.
If you break up before then I doubt she would want to go any more anyway.
 
  Reply With Quote
trackstar is offline trackstar Post #19  October 20,2009, 6:00pm
trackstar's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: May 2009

NJ

Posts: 204

See profile

I had that situation with my boyfriend and Thanksgiving, because my family has been on a holiday rotation since my mom remarried. My boyfriend's family is about a twelve hour drive for us, so it will be a four night stay, and I'd only met them once at that point, but he just flat out told me he wasn't going to let me spend a holiday with only my dog. Reason # 8,000 why I love him.

What's the harm in inviting her now? It's not like you are asking her to be a part of the family - you just don't want to think about her being all alone, especially since she loves Christmas so much. If she breaks your heart in the next two months, I'm pretty sure she won't insist on still coming to Christmas dinner.
 
  Reply With Quote
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #20  October 20,2009, 6:04pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Jumping back in the pool.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,875

See profile

kevin76 wrote :
Don't put any 'if' statements in there. I would think that is implied automatically. Tell her you're sure there would be no problem with her going, and leave it at that.
If you break up before then I doubt she would want to go any more anyway.
+1. Good advice. I come from a family where we often have what we lovingly refer to as 'strays' at various holidays. It started when my sisters and I went away to college and started bringing home roommates and others who couldn't get home. The funny thing is my mom asked the other day if we would mind if she and dad invited someone to our family Thanksgiving.

Just try not to worry about it until then. Things may change drastically between now and then!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Does this sound like someone with committment issues? | Relationships | The Road to Nowhere-Crazy? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How to get out of a relationship texx77 Ask a Dating Expert 51 January 27,2011 4:21am
6.5yr Relationship..lies..what to do? GabbieChanel Relationships 13 July 3,2010 11:58am
She just wants us to be "dating" and not a relationship. secretagent4777 Relationships 21 October 29,2009 2:15pm
Would you have a relationship with this loser? tom1385 Relationships 19 September 5,2009 12:52am
New Relationship Frustration -- What is she thinking!?!? phreelogic Dating 21 July 15,2009 7:32pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:00am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0