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EMTZ EMTZ is offline
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trixie1868 wrote :
One of my good friends and a devout muslim has just had this discussion with her husband. It is of course, acceptable within the law of Islam for a man to take more than one wife if he can provide for them equally. Just so he was quite certain of where she stood on this issue she has told him

"If you so much as touch another woman I will snap your hand off and shove it up your ar$e"

We are not all good at sharing. I tend to think like my friend.
I have a Muslim male friend who told me how most people in the west did not know that a muslim man must have permission from current wife/ves before he could marry another one. Well, I had to explain to him that I was born and grew up in a muslim country. And he was right, the man did have to get permission from the current spouse(s) before marrying another one, usually a much younger one of course. And I asked him if he know how many of those men got their permission: by beating up their current spouses until they said yes. I don't know how things are now, but at the time, since men had their say in practically everything, domestic abuses rarely got to court and even if it did, the men usually won.
Last edited by EMTZ; October 26th, 2009 at 08:09 pm.
- October 26th, 2009, 08:04 pm
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shellyg shellyg is offline
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You answered your own question. The lifestyle your boyfriend is proposing does not fit with your value system.
- October 27th, 2009, 04:53 pm
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timeless2 timeless2 is offline
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EMTZ wrote :
I have a Muslim male friend who told me how most people in the west did not know that a muslim man must have permission from current wife/ves before he could marry another one. Well, I had to explain to him that I was born and grew up in a muslim country. And he was right, the man did have to get permission from the current spouse(s) before marrying another one, usually a much younger one of course. And I asked him if he know how many of those men got their permission: by beating up their current spouses until they said yes. I don't know how things are now, but at the time, since men had their say in practically everything, domestic abuses rarely got to court and even if it did, the men usually won.
hey, he's got to sleep sometime......
- October 28th, 2009, 11:33 am
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timeless2 timeless2 is offline
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I say ditch him and watch those amazing Phillies tonight!
- October 28th, 2009, 11:36 am
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Save Sunday night for the Phillies! Yayyyy!
- October 31st, 2009, 08:48 am
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timeless2 timeless2 is offline
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Need I say the Phillies are on this Sunday!
Gooo Phillies!
- October 31st, 2009, 08:57 am
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timeless2 wrote :
hey, he's got to sleep sometime......

Lol!
I have two words for you ...Nail Polish.
You know where to put it.
And, ladies, we know what must be applied to remove it
- October 31st, 2009, 11:33 am
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trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
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EMTZ wrote :
I have a Muslim male friend who told me how most people in the west did not know that a muslim man must have permission from current wife/ves before he could marry another one. Well, I had to explain to him that I was born and grew up in a muslim country. And he was right, the man did have to get permission from the current spouse(s) before marrying another one, usually a much younger one of course. And I asked him if he know how many of those men got their permission: by beating up their current spouses until they said yes. I don't know how things are now, but at the time, since men had their say in practically everything, domestic abuses rarely got to court and even if it did, the men usually won.
No, absolutely, I didn't want to make light of the plight of some poor women forced, as you say, to accept polygamy whether they like it or not. I would imagine though it would be of some comfort to have an abusive husband 'watered down' with another wife. At least you'd be spending less time with your abuser. Really feel for those women.

I just wanted to share a funny story about a muslim woman who is absolutely not powerless in her relationship and who is very much in love with her husband and is loved back equally by him.
- November 1st, 2009, 01:06 pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
One of my good friends and a devout muslim has just had this discussion with her husband. It is of course, acceptable within the law of Islam for a man to take more than one wife if he can provide for them equally. Just so he was quite certain of where she stood on this issue she has told him

"If you so much as touch another woman I will snap your hand off and shove it up your ar$e"

We are not all good at sharing. I tend to think like my friend.
Wow. Just wow. Send my admiration to this friend of yours. Here's a Muslim woman (I'm guessing she's Muslim since her husband is devout) with a strong will and an even stronger arm to be able to snap his arm off and shove it up where the sun don't shine.

As for the OP.
Please don't settle for this man.
Yes you love him but does he love you? In my opinion a man can only love one woman, and 'lust' after the rest.
If he wanted such an arrangement and he put it forward to you straight up and you accept, more power to you.
But he actually calculatively (no, he cannot "forget" something like this or "feel that way" after you've arrived) planned for this, to wait until you would move here so that you would think, oh, heck it, I love him and I came here all the way for him now so I might as well agree on it or try to convince him.
Trust me, a man who plans such a thing has no intention to 'change' or be 'fair'.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

I think you should make him repay the costs of your travel, move back and think about what you want to do when your mind isn't clouded by what he has said and influenced by a strange environment.

If he insists, tell him the only way you will accept such an arrangement is if you have an open relationship and that if he has a 'girlfriend' on the side you shall have a 'boyfriend' on the side too, if not, its not fair, he can't divide his time equally between the two of you and its very unfair especially since he would probably expect you to work and pay for your share in the house.

At least in Islam a man must pay 100% for his wife/wives. He buys his wife a car the other wife must get a car of equal value. If he puts a wife in one house the other wife gets a house of her own. He can't put them together in one house.
His wives can be homemakers at home and just keep the house and HE has to maintain them financially and sexually or they have the right to divorce him. He even has to get permission from the first wife to get another.
But expecting two women to share a man and PAY for HIS costs (even if he's paying, its basically two women taking care of him and paying more than his share to look after him and be in such an arrangement. Who does it benefit? HIM.) is really low, and he probably isn't even bound by religion but by lust.
- November 5th, 2009, 02:17 am
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AsianGal AsianGal is offline
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EMTZ wrote :
I have a Muslim male friend who told me how most people in the west did not know that a muslim man must have permission from current wife/ves before he could marry another one. Well, I had to explain to him that I was born and grew up in a muslim country. And he was right, the man did have to get permission from the current spouse(s) before marrying another one, usually a much younger one of course. And I asked him if he know how many of those men got their permission: by beating up their current spouses until they said yes. I don't know how things are now, but at the time, since men had their say in practically everything, domestic abuses rarely got to court and even if it did, the men usually won.
That's interesting.
Which Muslim country were you born in? Malaysia?

I think you neglect to say that many Asian woman, especially women from Muslim families are bred and brought up to be relatively passive types who are taught to give in and tolerate and to think of others before herself.
Hence with such an upbringing put her with a Muslim guy even if she didn't agree with the whole thing he could wave the 'triple divorce' in her face and no woman for that matter, especially Muslim women who are more disadvantaged in the Islamic system, to lose their children to the Muslim men in the case of divorce.
Hence many women simply put up with it.

Its sad but like with most religions problems arise because of abuse of the religion by the followers and not the religion itself.
Apparently, divorce is the most disagreeable thing in God's eyes of all things He deemed permissible in the Qu'ran.
- November 5th, 2009, 02:25 am
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