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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

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I have to agree with others that you have a guy who has known all along what he wants. He pulled you in, he got you where you are alone and completely vulnerable in a new location and where your emotions for him are clouding your judgment. Then and only then did he finally tell you the real deal and I have no doubt that he expects to talk you into that deal.

Think it's high time for you to step way back and take a good look at him and who he really is. From where I'm sitting, you've been with a clever, manipulative man who has been grooming you for this moment for a long time. Take off the love goggles and get back in touch with your own personal values and beliefs. What does your personal value system say about this? Forget him, worry about yourself in this case.

There are people out there who are into this type of a lifestyle and I don't judge them. They are doing what suits them and more power to them for that - however they are honest and open about what they do. What bothers me about your post is his dishonesty and manipulative actions. It's literaly like he was working on a new recruit. To answer your question, I would run like there is no tomorrow. This is not something that I would even consider as an option, however I'm not you. You have to figure out your own needs and values and what you personally find acceptable and not.
- October 19th, 2009, 08:43 am
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jayjay jayjay is offline
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I don't think the real issue is that he wants this. The real issue is that he's a completely messed up person....and if you're with such a person you probably are as well. That's what you need to deal with....which you also can't do while you're with him.
- October 19th, 2009, 09:04 am
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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I say Poppycock and puppy dog tails! I think your guy is a very cleaver guy, but his execution was poorly planned. Your guy has a fantasy and it comes down to do you want to play the game or do you want to go your own way?

You could request that he give $5,000.00 the cost of relocating and to cover your overhead costs until you get relocated and a new job, if he refuses you can take him to Small Claims Court and certainly win your cases with fraudulent inducement to relocate. You could try couples counseling, if you think that it would be of value. He is also guilty of trying to violate the Mann Act, which is a federal crime.

You have several solutions above, but I suspect that the real problem has not surfaced yet, I would think that he already has a girlfriend and this is sharade to cover his tracks or to build her into an acceptable situation? Now what do you want to do? I think that maybe you guys need a time out and move out for a bit and don't let him break you down. He will respect your strength. I would find someone for couples counseling but take a time out! What do you think?

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; October 19th, 2009 at 10:22 am.
- October 19th, 2009, 10:19 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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I agree with the posters who say this guy was probably grooming you for this all along. I don't believe you wake up one morning and all of a sudden you're a polygamist.

I also agree with the poster who said it really doesn't matter what he wants at this point. It's what YOU want. You need to take some time away from him and figure that out.

As far as the blame the victim mentality ... why are you with a guy like that ... doh. He didn't wear a polygamist sticker on his forehead and he concealed his true intentions until he had you in a vulnerable situation. He's a good con artist. You're not to blame for that.
- October 19th, 2009, 03:47 pm
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mari3434 mari3434 is offline
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I say get rid of that LOSER. He misrepresented and mislead you for years. I'd be gone like the wind - and indeed - sue him, seeking a reimbursement for travel expenses and lost wages and costs!
- October 21st, 2009, 02:58 pm
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trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
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One of my good friends and a devout muslim has just had this discussion with her husband. It is of course, acceptable within the law of Islam for a man to take more than one wife if he can provide for them equally. Just so he was quite certain of where she stood on this issue she has told him

"If you so much as touch another woman I will snap your hand off and shove it up your ar$e"

We are not all good at sharing. I tend to think like my friend.
- October 25th, 2009, 11:52 am
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nightling nightling is offline
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trixie1868 wrote :
One of my good friends and a devout muslim has just had this discussion with her husband. It is of course, acceptable within the law of Islam for a man to take more than one wife if he can provide for them equally. Just so he was quite certain of where she stood on this issue she has told him

"If you so much as touch another woman I will snap your hand off and shove it up your ar$e"

We are not all good at sharing. I tend to think like my friend.
awesome post
- October 25th, 2009, 08:09 pm
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OverAnalyzer OverAnalyzer is offline
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So I'm curious, what would you do AND how do you feel about a polygamist relationship?

* * * * *

I would wonder what he was going to blind-side me with next. You sound like a giver, madly in love with who you thought was the one. He moves you to the opposite ocean then expects you to be open to not being his one-and-only. What if he wants you to give in? How much more of yourself are you willing to give up?

Go deep inside yourself and find the answer, then do what you have to do.

As for me, I'm not big on sharing.

I wish you well.
- October 25th, 2009, 08:11 pm
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LookinUp LookinUp is offline
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Perhaps he moved you across country to isolate you. See by doing that, he makes it harder for you to leave. Who had the idea to move cross country?
- October 26th, 2009, 01:29 am
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cp30 cp30 is offline
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dadist wrote :
Get away, this guy waited to tell you this till you moved across the country. This guy has put you into a position where it is harder for you to be disagreeable to what he wants. He knew you wouldn't want it too, you have talked about marriage in the past.

Don't tell him that you are leaving, just collect all of the money that you can, his and yours if possible (he owes you for dragging you across the country and you will need as much as possible to get reestablished) and go.
I agree. This has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship. It's clear by the fact he waited to tell you his desires until you were in a much more vulnerable position.

I don't know about the money, personally, I would be horribly hurt...and I'd leave as fast as possible and lick my wounds and consider my debts later.

It hurts, sure, and the money sucks, but getting out of the situation is what you need to do immediatley.

no relationship is worth your self esteem and self worth.
- October 26th, 2009, 07:27 pm
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