broke up 2 months after baby, am i being too hard on him?


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chitowngrl08 is offline chitowngrl08 Post #1  October 15,2009, 7:46am
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is a fish in a fishbowl. *just keep swimming*

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To begin with, my pregnancy was not easy. We had just broken up when I found out I was pregnant. It took him some time to come to terms with it. My whole pregnancy I felt very alone. Near the end of the pregnancy and a month after her birth, we were doing great. He was hanging out with us all the time. We were affectionate and caring.

Then around 2 months it seemed like the newness and excitment of a newborn wore off. He started going out to the bars on friday nights. I figured it was ok since everyone needs their personal time. Then i found out he met up with a girl at the bar. he says he didnt, she text and asked him to meet up with her and he said no. and she happened to show up at the same bar that he was at. he told her his "situation" and that was it.

but looking back, what is he doing at a bar? he has a two month old baby girl and a girlfriend. i know i havent been perfect, i am dealing with identity issues. i feel like i am more than just her mother, im a person too. but he doesnt treat me as a sexy, beautiful woman. we arent intimate. he says he is not himself lately and he doesnt know why. we were intimate once and it was great but thats it. we show affection but not like two people who truly love each other. i know we care about each other but somethings not right. i tried talking to him but it didnt work, he just got defensive. i told him i need some time to myself because i am struggling and he is not supporting me the way i need to be supported. i do most everything on my own. as first time parents, i know its hard for both of us but shouldnt we be on the same team? am i throwing in the towel too soon? i feel like if he really loves me, he wouldnt throw this chance to be a family away
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #2  October 15,2009, 7:56am
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You are in a position where you need support, and you're not getting it from him. For your own sake, you need to move on and find someone who will give you the love and support you need.

What he is or isn't doing at the bars with other women really doesn't matter at this point - he is neglecting you, and when you made an effort to talk about it he wouldn't. You did what you could - I don't think you're being too hard on him.

He may realize his mistake and come back to you on his own, or he may be relieved to be free of the responsibility that he's clearly avoiding now. That's up to him. You have to do what you need for yourself and your child.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  October 15,2009, 9:07am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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You broke up before you found out you were pregnant. There were probably good reasons for this.
 
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YYsmiley is offline YYsmiley Post #4  October 15,2009, 9:28am
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chitowngrl08 wrote :
we were intimate once and it was great but thats it. we show affection but not like two people who truly love each other. i know we care about each other but somethings not right. i tried talking to him but it didnt work, he just got defensive.
chitowngrl08 wrote :
i know its hard for both of us but shouldnt we be on the same team? am i throwing in the towel too soon? i feel like if he really loves me, he wouldnt throw this chance to be a family away
I think that most of people asking for guidance or answers (esp. relating to serious things) do in fact have their own answers in their mind.

Please open your mind. You know that you and him have things to work out regardless the baby. Please be brave to step outside and take care of yourself and your baby. Single mom is not a monster or necessary be a bitten thing.

Step outside, write him letters or text him messages. From those communications, check if you and him still suit for each other.

No one would love to and enjoy a relationship just because we have a baby or common responsibility.

Wish you all the best. Be brave.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #5  October 15,2009, 11:44am
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You tried to make things work between you, but it's obvious that it's not going to, and as someone already said, there was a reason why you broke up before the baby.

Don't worry about him, just leave him be. I don't think he is ready for baby,you and him to be a family. But you and baby can do just fine on your own.

I have one question, though, what are you going to do if he comes back??
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  October 15,2009, 10:53pm

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Who supports you and the baby? (Pays the rent, diapers, etc.?) Do you have parent that are involved in your life or their Grand Child's life?
Are his parents involved at all?

You never established a respectful and loving relationship with him, before the birth of your daughter. What makes you think that would change after you gave birth? You don't sleep with him and have sex with him, nor is he married to you, so what do you expect from him? Probably the best thing that you could do is get some family counseling and first define what your issues are and what you want from him? Then invite him to join you in counseling with the counselors approval. Give him the same opportunity to identify his issues and what he wants from you in a relationship? Don't forget to practice safe sex and use birth control. Good Luck.

Harvey7.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #7  October 16,2009, 10:21am
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Harvey7 wrote :
Who supports you and the baby? (Pays the rent, diapers, etc.?) Do you have parent that are involved in your life or their Grand Child's life?
Are his parents involved at all?

You never established a respectful and loving relationship with him, before the birth of your daughter. What makes you think that would change after you gave birth? You don't sleep with him and have sex with him, nor is he married to you, so what do you expect from him? Probably the best thing that you could do is get some family counseling and first define what your issues are and what you want from him? Then invite him to join you in counseling with the counselors approval. Give him the same opportunity to identify his issues and what he wants from you in a relationship? Don't forget to practice safe sex and use birth control. Good Luck.

Harvey7.
Personally, I don't it would have mattered that much, if they had. She gave him his chance to be a "father figure". Why harp on the bad??

I agree though, I hope the grand-parents or someone is helping her out in this situation. It takes a community to bring up a baby, and to support the parent(s).
 
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