plantiflora is offline plantiflora Post #1  October 14,2009, 8:13pm
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i had begun dating this guy 3 months back. i have always carried a skeptical approach towards relationships but still he somehow pursued me for the one.It was my first relationship and i was never serious about it and had told my guy very clearly. but he somehow began to idealise me as his perfect match . i think it was too early to do so so .seeing his haste in taking such decisions i tried to break away from it. have broken up many times n reconciled but somewhere m still attached with him. we often have fights despite ending as friends instead of partners. when i told him that i was not really interested in him right from the beginning... he gives silly excuses that he was also not interestd but only doing favours to me bcz he could see that m in need of a relationship but now he loves me..

recently i had an argument with him ... i was asking for my space n wantd to b alone n complete my preparation for the forthcoming exams. unable to get the very much required space.. i ended up blasting at him n walked out. once earlier also i had been mad at him.i guess he was too much hurt.

the problem is i again tried to reconcile n apologised for my blasting at him. twice i i went upto him for the same... but then he replies that '
i dont exist for him anymore,he hates me n doesnt want to have any kind of connection with me.
i regret going upto him n letting myself down although i know very well that my anger was reasonble but definitly disgusting.
wat shud i do to retain my esteem ?i feel like a fool...

any suggestions?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  October 14,2009, 8:19pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Continue torturing each other in this dysfunctional relationship for years to come.
 
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CB89 is offline CB89 Post #3  October 14,2009, 8:42pm
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Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It seems like he had pushed you into an uncomfortable zone for some time and the exam stress just added to it. You did the right thing, clearly marking boundaries, which he ended up crossing. One of the most important things in a relationship is understanding the demands of your partner and fulfilling them without them even asking for them. I think he should have known that you needed your space to devote more time to school. You retained your esteem by going up to him and apologizing as you proved to be the better person in the end. If he really wanted it to work, he would have waited patiently and 3 months isn't really long enough to get that frustrated. If anything you should try to find some peaceful sense of closure.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  October 14,2009, 9:00pm
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He sounds controlling to me. You told him from the start you weren't interested in him yet he insisted. You ask him for space, he tries to pull you in closer. You try to apologize for getting mad at his behavior, and his response kind of seems to me like he's hoping you'll beg him to take you back. Ie, he's still in control.

I think you should cut your losses and find a healthier relationship.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  October 14,2009, 9:19pm

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You are behaving like a Drama Queen but fear not, it's happened before in the past and will happen again in the future. You are the pursuer and you won't let things die out. The both of you are to immature to enjoy a real relationship at this time. instead of enjoying the best qualities that you have to share with each other and being best friends and possibly lovers, you guy find fault with everything and fight about it.

Take a time out and then move on, you need someone a bit more maturer and stop being so judgmental about yourself. Your OK you need some polish and experience you did nothing wrong so have some fun and things will work themselves out.

Harvey7.
 
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plantiflora is offline plantiflora Post #6  October 14,2009, 9:45pm
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thanks so much people... i was feeling as if m the worst person on the earth to hav hurt him . m never worried more about love issues,i knew i wont b able to deal with him, i jz wantd to have peace back. for him as well as for myself thats y i apologised to him. but now i wont turn back to him for any kind of connectn.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  October 14,2009, 9:50pm
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plantiflora wrote :
i had begun dating this guy 3 months back. i have always carried a skeptical approach towards relationships but still he somehow pursued me for the one.It was my first relationship and i was never serious about it and had told my guy very clearly. but he somehow began to idealise me as his perfect match . i think it was too early to do so so .seeing his haste in taking such decisions i tried to break away from it. have broken up many times n reconciled but somewhere m still attached with him. we often have fights despite ending as friends instead of partners. when i told him that i was not really interested in him right from the beginning... he gives silly excuses that he was also not interestd but only doing favours to me bcz he could see that m in need of a relationship but now he loves me..

recently i had an argument with him ... i was asking for my space n wantd to b alone n complete my preparation for the forthcoming exams. unable to get the very much required space.. i ended up blasting at him n walked out. once earlier also i had been mad at him.i guess he was too much hurt.

the problem is i again tried to reconcile n apologised for my blasting at him. twice i i went upto him for the same... but then he replies that '
i dont exist for him anymore,he hates me n doesnt want to have any kind of connection with me.
i regret going upto him n letting myself down although i know very well that my anger was reasonble but definitly disgusting.
wat shud i do to retain my esteem ?i feel like a fool...

any suggestions?
I wouldn't worry too much about it. This was your first relationship and you have learned the good things and bad things that can result from it. Reflect on your life lessons and move on.

*First lesson: Don't enter a relationship if you are not fully committed to dedicating the time and energy to see things through. As beautiful and supportive as healthy relationships can be they also require a healthy amount of effort on both parties.

*Communication is key: If someone is only seeing an ideal picture of you then 9 out of 10 they are not listening to a word you are saying...just looking at you with those lovely rose colored love goggles
You made a reasonable request for space and got ignored...no surprises here. I'm glad that you apologized for the outburst though. It's not good to yell at people but then he really pushed you into a corner didn't he? The fact that you don't exist for him anymore has more to do with his immaturity and the fact that "ideal" women don't make demands or have ugly frowny faces and yell, scream, get upset, and frustrated. In fact they are supposed to feel the way we imagine they feel.

So breathe a deep sigh of relief. You are free to seek out healthier relationships and at the time that you feel you are ready for them. Don't be skeptical as this is negative energy that is not going to help you make good decisions. Just enter a new relationship with an open heart and mind but most importantly Eyes Wide Open so you can see the situation unfold for what it is not what you wish it to be.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #8  October 14,2009, 11:01pm
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too much tension there. he's right to walk away. and that tension you were feeling - that's for you to handle on your own. blasting him wasn't handling things. you can't fix your feelings by doing things to other people. that one's on you.

so what should you do? work on becoming more self-contained.
 
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