Does this sound like someone with committment issues?


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Tracey77 is offline Tracey77 Post #31  October 18,2009, 7:11am
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Harvey7-I agree with your statement that the email is all about our relationship & I was trying to avoid that. The problem is, to discuss all of the things that are going on with my ex would involve giving away a lot of personal info about him to his brother which I didn't feel comfortable doing. There are many "scary" things he said and "scary" actions he is now portraying that show someone in much distress. I dont necessarily feel comfortable talking about issues that dont directly involve me so I was trying to take the approach of showing how disconnected he became with us as the example. I think I will just not send it at all then. I feel it puts me in too much of a catch 22 situation. I dont believe my ex is so depressed that he is suicidal although it did get to the point that I had to ask him to make sure but he said he wasnt) so maybe it's best that I just dont do anything at this point.

Also, I'm not sure what made you think he was my show toy based on what I've written but that isn't accurate. I actually hung out with his friends and family more than he did mine.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #32  October 18,2009, 8:11am

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Tracey77 wrote :
Harvey7-I agree with your statement that the email is all about our relationship & I was trying to avoid that. The problem is, to discuss all of the things that are going on with my ex would involve giving away a lot of personal info about him to his brother which I didn't feel comfortable doing. There are many "scary" things he said and "scary" actions he is now portraying that show someone in much distress. I dont necessarily feel comfortable talking about issues that dont directly involve me so I was trying to take the approach of showing how disconnected he became with us as the example. I think I will just not send it at all then. I feel it puts me in too much of a catch 22 situation. I dont believe my ex is so depressed that he is suicidal although it did get to the point that I had to ask him to make sure but he said he wasnt) so maybe it's best that I just dont do anything at this point.

Also, I'm not sure what made you think he was my show toy based on what I've written but that isn't accurate. I actually hung out with his friends and family more than he did mine.
Tracy, it's all water under the bridge and life goes on because the fish swam down stream.
The attraction between the two of you was a neurotic connection. Both of you felt inferior on the inside, you acted superior because you fed off each others bling! You did have that need and he was your show and tell guy it made you feel equal, until his issues caused him to lose control. What happened to all the friends and family?
It does no good to rehash old trash, move on and you do not mention any of your negatives in the relationship? Where are you going with all of this? It's over. You are a nice person and I wish you well.
Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; October 18,2009 at 8:14am.
 
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Tracey77 is offline Tracey77 Post #33  October 18,2009, 12:03pm
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harvey7-I agree that it's time to just put it behind me. I needed to get others perspectives though to be able to do it and feel okay about it. It's hard for me to know he is struggling inside but...I can't save the world. And yes, I'm sure I had negative attributes as well because everyone does.

I wont send the email and I'll let things be...thanks for all the advice.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #34  October 19,2009, 1:50pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
The issue's are fear of being rejected and total insecurity and low self esteem! Would you say that getting fired was a total rejection and qualified him as an unworthy person? The insecurity is staying close to home and fear of plans? There probably a dozen others as well. You pushed his buttons with outside pressures of friends and family, the pressure built from other peoples expectations which he could not cope with. The little issues are things that you choose to look the other way or tune out, he was a show and tell toy! (Don't share your business with everyone.)

There is a rather simple solution and that would be to join him for couples counseling with his therapist. I'm sure that she could help the both of you. Tell him that he has broken your heart and he owes it to you, (pay your own way) Since she has been helping him she will be aware of your relationship and should be able to help you quickly, plus your contribution to the therapy session.The two of you should be able to reconnect emotionally or go your separate as friends.

Harvey7.
I really like some of the advice you give Harvey. You think outside the box.
 
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