what makes relationships worth it?


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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #41  November 4,2009, 5:49pm
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Fly like an eagle...Let my spirit carry me

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Check out this link...nuff said

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...d-amnesia.html ("Forgettable" sex -- sex-induced amnesia?)

In all seriousness.....
Good relationships bring out the best in me and everyone around me benefits...the real challenge is keeping the unhealthy ones at bay.
 
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AsianGal is offline AsianGal Post #42  November 4,2009, 7:33pm
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maybeiwasmeant2bsingle wrote :
i'm divorced and have been leading a happy, fun, peaceful, uncomplicated life for almost 4 yrs now ... i 've dated on and off, met lots of great guys, but never found someone i thought might be 'worth it' ... until now ....

the problem is, i keep running away - all i see is my happy, uncomplicated single life disappearing in lieu of all the complications that come with a relationship - from things like figuring out whose family to visit on holidays to the classic nightly debate about dinner 'what do you want? i dunno what do you want? i don't care what do you want?' (arrrrggh!) .... it all makes me cringe and ... like i said ... run away (almost literally).

can someone out there please help me remember why relationships are worth all the trouble????? my gut tells me they are but my head can't seem to recall why!?

sincerely,
maybeiwasmeant2bsingle (butnotsureireallywannabe)
I hope maybe my relationship with my fiance can be of some inspiration to you (or perhaps make you want to run far far further away from relationships, lol). We've been together over 8 - 9 years now, almost a decade since we met in high school.

What makes relationships worth it:

  • Someone who is your best friend and soulmate who knows you inside out and loves you, warts and all. You needn't feel self-conscious in front of them.
  • Weeknight movie night of horror and thriller flicks with popcorn, fizzy drinks in PJs proceeded by lots of laughter pointing out mistakes and bad acting.
  • Coming home to a clean and neat house and a smiling fellow with a badly tied apron, oil splatters and holding a spatula to greet you, only to find the kitchen trashed but a wonderfully, lovingly made dinner on the table with candlelight.
  • Someone you can roll your eyes with and know they know exactly what you think when Mom/other relative is on the phone yap yapping away about how "blah blah blah" and you know better.
  • Waking up crying during a nightmare and relief to see your sweetie beside you and having a warm hug, warm breath and kisses on the top of your head telling you its okay, its just a nightmare. And if its a silly nightmare (no family deaths or something) pretending to jump up in his pjs holding a clothes hanger (sword) and fighting off the "monster" while looking around theatrically to cheer you up.
  • Who says, I'm sorry, but I already have someone. when a friend of either sex gives them an offer to 'have some on the side'.
  • Someone who's friend visiting from overseas comes and tells me they have never seen a man so happy and confident in their life since they met him 6 years ago, and then proceed to complain about how he spotted a hot chick, elbowed his friend and his friend not even interested having at least a gawk.
  • Someone who calls you 2 -3 times a day to hear your voice even when you have never, ever requested it.
  • When it doesn't matter whose family comes on a holiday because the anticipation is actually the killer not the actual holiday...once either family is here its really quite fun. But your partner never leaves you alone to 'deal with it' and always participates, and vice versa.
  • When 'what do you want to eat, no, what do YOU want to eat' ends with riotous laughter and a 'lets just go eat at and then...' because you're going to be eating together, anyway.
  • When you happily plan meals and cook 5 days a week, brekkie and dinners and the most satisfying thing is watching him scarf down your food and finally sit back with his belt unbuckled.
  • When you see your friends coming back with raw red eyes from the third fella' she's been with 3 times and broke up twice but still can't understand why you're happy being with a bloke who "doesn't even have a car" (happened 5 years ago) and despite your encouragement and support to her to find a fellow from her heart and for her wallet, still continues doing it. Yet still moans about how your bloke does 'everything' for you but hers won't and the funniest 'Why does he treat you so nicely?'
  • When you greet your loved one with a cuddle, hug and a juice smooch on the cheek.
  • When you're lying in the shade in the park on your loved ones lap over the grassy lawns and nothing matters.
  • When a colleague of his insults you and he is put back in his place and made to apologise.
  • When your loved one tells you, 'I would never have been who and what I am without you.' with loving eyes.
  • When your loved one thanks you for putting up so much for him but you feel no resentment nor pride but you thank him for always being there for you.
  • When a friend's one night stand becomes a week long game of cat and mouse and finally gives up and asks 'Okay, whats your secret?'
  • When you make your first pizza together and watch it bake together in the oven.
  • When he doesn't ever give you flowers or chocolate but it doesn't ever matter.
  • When he doesn't feel like 'going out with the boys' even with your encouragement because he prefers your company.
  • With 8 years later you've never broken up, separated nor stopped loving one another.
  • When he's willing to wait for me and I for him instead of pressurising me or sowing his wild oats anyway since "we're going to get married anyway"
  • When you see tears in his eyes he tries bravely to hide when he wakes up from a nightmare of seeing your grave stone.
  • When being together with him and everything you do for and in the relationship never feels like a chore.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #43  November 4,2009, 7:38pm
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has quickly adapted back to her lazy lifestyle

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AsianGal, I think you might have beaten JavaJava for length of posts
 
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AsianGal is offline AsianGal Post #44  November 4,2009, 8:06pm
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Really?
Sorry.

My lecturer told me not long ago that I have a tendency to 'waffle on' when I'm very involved with a topic.

Whoops.
I'll try to tone them down so I don't give others a nose bleed.
 
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BigHitVixen is offline BigHitVixen Post #45  November 6,2009, 1:57pm
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maybeiwasmeant2bsingle wrote :
... you're all telling me "duh, of course it's hard", but as they say, "nothin' worth having is easy". Did I catch that right?

Alaskan cruise girl - definitely try to go by yourself or with a girlfriend! One of the biggest mistakes I made in my marriage was that we did EVERYTHING together - turned out a total disaster and in the end I had noone because I didn't do things like take vacations with girlfriends, nurture my other relationships, etc ... since then I have taken a yearly vacation with just the girls and I will do that from here on out! It's a really really good thing! I bet if you frame it right your bf will be ok with it - for one, like you said, he gets out of going on a trip he'll hate! Plus you get to 'miss' each other and I'm convinced a little space is a good thing. My current thinking is that if I ever hook up with someone 'forever' again we'll have 3 bedrooms - yours, mine, ours - we each get some of our own space. And, some nites I can invite him to my place (fun!), he can invite me to his(also fun!), or we can meet in ours(still fun!) or we can say y'know what, I'll see you tomorrow and both get some of that space I was just talking about! ... I'm pretty sure this is a FANTASTIC idea and I might have to patent it!! LOL! (whattaya think? if '3 bedrooms' ever happens for me I'll let y'all know how it worked out .

Hopin' we all find PB for our Jelly!
Much thanks for taking your time to help me!
I've been married and divorced twice, both times because the men betrayed my trust legally in ways that don't deserve forgiveness, but I haven't written off being in a permanent relationship.
My current BF and I have been together for 10 years now, and our time together hasn't been without hick-ups but we have both learned to live with the other's quirks.
In regard to having your own space, that's a great idea! I love to do crafts or just quietly read a book, so I have "my" room that I go to when I'm in the mood, and he is more mechanically inclined so he has his workshop space when he's in the mood to tinker. And when we want to be together, we have the rest of the house.
Even in our recreational activities, we both like to mt bike and do other outdoor related activities. Sometimes we have adventures together, and sometimes we go our seperate ways and do things with other people.
His family are all heavy drinkers which makes me uncomfortable, so sometimes I'll hang out and visit and other times I drop him off, go shopping or get my hair done, etc, and then go back later and pick him up.
Starting a relationship with someone you have really hit it off with is easy, but making it last takes tollerance and a willingness to work around both what you love about the other person as well as what drives you crazy! Not everyone is cut out for that, and you shouldn't feel like you are less of a person if you prefer to be single. So I wish everyone good luck on whatever path they choose!
 
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HeartnSoul1 is offline HeartnSoul1 Post #46  November 10,2009, 6:14pm
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Hi maybeiwasmeant2bsingle,

I know exactly how you feel. Being divorced after enduring a horrible marriage, living alone, meeting guys who were great and not so great and my past can sometimes haunt me. No, you were not meant to be
single. Single life is great with all it's freedom but do you really want to be alone night after night? Don't count yourself short. You deserve
to have happiness. I know one can be happy alone but when you find a great person, don't push them out of your life. Go for it. Life is too short. If it doesn't work out; at least you had a great time and then move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. All the best.
 
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BGEORGE is offline BGEORGE Post #47  November 11,2009, 11:28pm
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Hey it seems to me that you never read or do understand the basics of the relationships. otherwise you fear to be responsible. If you want to make your relationship work you have to learn how to strike a balance between you and your partner. You compromise your needs, attitude, likes and time. Otherwise every relationship is worth trouble because this is the time when you determine " love, tolerance, petience etc" with your partner. Think about this!!!!!!!
 
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