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hagar101 hagar101 is offline
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You're all right tho - and I know it - and you're all very VERY realistic about it ... which is what I needed to hear ... you're all telling me "duh, of course it's hard", but as they say, "nothin' worth having is easy". Did I catch that right?

Your assement is true and you have to be your own guide. Most of us may have been in that jungle but, you found a new Lion.
- October 25th, 2009, 11:02 am
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EMTZ EMTZ is offline
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HappyandLight wrote :
I want to go on an Alaskan cruise so bad...yet my bf does not. What do I do? I am willing to go on my own but I don't want to cause a rift, either.
I personally would not want to be in a relationship in which my partner did not want to travel yet we might have a rift if I decided to go on my own. To me that sounds incredibly selfish.
- October 25th, 2009, 11:17 am
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Psycue Psycue is offline
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When I first read this post I was thinking about the sing entitled, "No man is an island" because we all have a need for some form of socialization. Being single has it pros and cons. My married friends always says I have it good because I do what I want without consulting anyone. True, however, it also means I can't share my responsibilities, joys, pains, etc with a significant other.
Every now and then while in a relationship we reminiscence about the benefits of single life, even wish it. I say when that happens just remember when you were wishing for a significant other.
- October 26th, 2009, 11:07 pm
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jojogirl1964 jojogirl1964 is offline
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Relationships are worth it, if they live in their house and you live in yours...lolWell truely we all hear about how difficult it is to live with someone and how much compromise we have to make. So I think its a perfect solution to having a great relationship, as long as the two people involved are mature enough to trust each other, and respect each others boundaries. The problem with a lot of people is that when they start being in a relaitionship for some reason this control issues pops its ugly head up, and it all starts with the assumption that this other person that you have only just met thinks they own you,,,,,,,, and they dumped all their insecurities onto the other person, the only person we have control over in this world is ourselves, and if you meet someone who is secure in themselves well it should make for a great partnership. Take control of your own life and the right person will be attracted to the positive person that you are, if you put out looser vibes that is what you will attract.
I have been single for sixteen yrs, and have raised my kids on my own, and the thought of having some man come into my life and start with any drama,,,just makes my hair curl. So my choice is to stay living independently and enjoy the company of someone who still lives in their own space.
The answer to the question is YES relationship are worth it, if the two people involved are of the same mind set in regard to trust, respect and maturity, you dont have to even have the same interests, but having similar values is the key.
- October 31st, 2009, 06:10 pm
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chrysalis08 chrysalis08 is offline
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trixie1868 wrote :


When you're single you become a bit of a social butterfly, landing here and there, having a nice time, spreading a bit of lightness which is great. You always go home alone however and no-one but you knows what your life looks like in its entirity. You're polite conversation here, a giggle there, an annecdote at this party, a flirty presence at that bar. But there's no connectivity. The only person who knows your whole life story is you.

I want to be at the party, doing my thing (whatever that is) and know that there's someone the other side of the room occassionally looking over to see if I'm ok. Someone who knows that I laddered 2 pairs of pantyhose getting ready that night, that I've had a busy week and I'm a bit tired and that I've got to call my sister tomorrow because she's not well. Someone that on the way home will have some little snippet of gossip for me and will listen to the summarised conversations I've been having and will laugh with me about it all. Just little things. Little things that connect my life together in ways I can't do by myself. That's what'd make a relationship worth it for me.
This is a perfect way of explaining it. I've never heard it said quite that way. Maybe that's what is meant when people say their partner completes them... not in a way that they aren't whole as an individual, but that having someone along for whole ride connects all the pieces of our lives together in ways we can't do when we're alone. I really like how you put it.
- November 1st, 2009, 06:17 am
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jtkdp jtkdp is offline
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Are relationships "worth it". I think so...I think it is the way most of us are wired. While it is nice to come home, or not come home and answer to nobody, I usually felt some sense of security, knowing someone was there...my family, when I was still married, and even though I had a crappy marriage, there was something to be said for coming home.

I know I have it in me to last 1000 years alone, provided they find the key to immortality, but I would prefer not to...even if I had the means to travel the world alone...it would be more special to do it with someone, than without.

It was always more of a hassle to go to work from a GF's house, or get her a cup of coffee, and send her on her way from my house, so I could go to work, but I would never say it was not worth it.
- November 1st, 2009, 05:07 pm
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trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
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chrysalis08 wrote :
This is a perfect way of explaining it. I've never heard it said quite that way. Maybe that's what is meant when people say their partner completes them... not in a way that they aren't whole as an individual, but that having someone along for whole ride connects all the pieces of our lives together in ways we can't do when we're alone. I really like how you put it.
Thanks Chrysalis08. Being single does give a girl a little thinking time.
- November 2nd, 2009, 07:20 am
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natka natka is offline
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good question. i am an independent person myself and i really do not like to be in relationships. but maybe you should look past the little annoying things and look at the big things? like finding your soul mate if you believe in that. or the fact that you have someone who loves you unconditionally even though they are not blood related to you. someone who will wake up next to you every morning and thank god he found someone like you and knows how lucky he is to have you in his life.
look at the bigger picture. the little things don't matter
- November 2nd, 2009, 07:22 am
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Jandris Jandris is offline
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Or did you want more of a list of things? -- waking up and going to sleep with the same person for the rest of your life! Someone who's there when something really funny, sad, moving happens, to share it with! The in-jokes you develop with each other! Having mutual friends and a bigger extended family. Developing a history together! Not to mention fun, longterm sexual involvement, and oh yeah, love!
pds857 wrote :
I do love those times while in a relationship where ya come home from a bad day at work an your SO will listen to your rants an raves actin like they really know everything thats goin on until you run outta steam, an they do somethin so heartbreakingly sweet that all that BS jus washes away an your so much better for havin them in your life.

Or how bout those saturday nights that ya really jus wanna stay in a veg on the couch while surfin the channels, aint it better when ya have that SO there to cuddle with?

How about knowing that your SO will be there for ya when ya need somethin. It dont matter what that somethin is ... say. .. . a jar that ya cant quite open yaself an poof they do it like it was nothin, or when ya cant really reach that one dish in the very top of the cabinet an you know that you can call on them to reach it for ya.

Its the simple things in life that, you can handle on your own perfectly fine, that havin a loyal SO that will still be willin to do those things for or with you that makes relationships great.

Laughin, always better when someone else joins in.
Kissin, ya always gotta have someone else to make that fun. lol
Huggin, it takes two baby. (now i have that song in my head)
Holdin hands.
Sleepin, yea sure it dont take two, but boy is it nice to cuddle up with your SO an jus relax an sleep.
Dinner, for two?
Sharin a drink, or dessert with someone.

Who else will see you, without the make-up, with tossled hair an wearin your worn out t-shirt when ya jus wake up in the mornin, an still think that you look so sexy that they gotta have a lil more of your time before they'll let ya go to work.

Being in a relationship sometimes jus, rocks.
HappyandLight wrote :
It's true, it takes compromise and negotiation.

I have one suggestion for the little stuff that can be irritating. In your example you asked about the dinner issue...if he askes don't say "I dunno", say "Let's have x". Be more decisive to stop that "whatever you want", "no, whatever you want". Sometimes you just got to do it.
I agree with these people. I am not the best person to get advice from because I haven't been following my own advice. It is worth the relationship if when something happens in your life and you want to let a certain person know about it, even before you have even completely experienced it. That is the person who means the most to you.
- November 2nd, 2009, 07:38 am
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Dafearon Dafearon is offline
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Relationships are about compromise. It is something you have to want to do for the right someone. All too often, we do things backwards. We sacrifice and compromise what we are not ready to do so in hopes that the relationship will work out. You should find out if the relationships is working out well before you start to compromise. Take it one step at a time.

I am a fiercely independent person. If i feel like someone is trying to control me, it will not work out. The ideal relationship does not impede independence, but guides it so to speak. Example. My girlfriend is on a diet. So, hitting a burger joint, or pizza joint is not a good idea if there is nothing healthy there. But instead of feeling constrained for not feeding my craving of red meat and cheese, we will explore other venues that I may not have known about, to get something similar, or something totally unexpected. The result is everyone gets what they want, and we channeled our differences into a positive spin. This is what a relationship is about.

It isn't exactly the loss of independence, but there is some loss there. Its more of a piece of machinery that got complicated. If you force it to do something like it did before, it may break, but if you see what else the machine can do and let it run the way its supposed to run, you may find it can do a whole lot more.

The way i see it, being single is like a sitcom or television show. Its simple. You get everything you want and it resolves itself in a short period of time. A relationship is more like a mini-series. The plots are way more complicated. It takes a lot longer to resolve. Its deeper and more thought has been put into it. You put more work into it, but you get more out of it. You try to treat a mini-series like a normal TV show, its not going to work.
- November 2nd, 2009, 11:58 am
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