dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #1  October 12,2009, 8:29pm
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So I learned from a couple of recent breakups that the guys I dated felt that I wasn't letting them in. They have said things like "I feel like I don't really know who you are even though you talk about a lot of different things" (an observation) ... "let me in!!" (a demand) ... "I just you to let your guard down and open up to me" (a request)... "you haven't told me anything!" (an angry outburst).

I'm kind of clueless as to exactly what they're referring to, because I tell them about my daily activities, interests, involve them in my social circles and even talk out loud my thoughts. The only thing I could think of is that I am not as chatty or hyper as your average gal and that I don't take sides in a debate. I do occasionally pretend to be chill or happy when I'm not, but doesn't everyone do that? What else am I missing here? Is it a vibe that I give off? or specifically the exclusion of substance, language or tone? do they want me to be more needy? more affection? talk like an airhead? Guy perspective is greatly appreciated. Thank you

Sorry I write incoherently now. Just tired and ready for bed.
Last edited by dietpepsi; October 12,2009 at 8:32pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  October 12,2009, 8:49pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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dietpepsi wrote :
The only thing I could think of is that I am not as chatty or hyper as your average gal and that I don't take sides in a debate. I do occasionally pretend to be chill or happy when I'm not, but doesn't everyone do that? What else am I missing here? Is it a vibe that I give off? or specifically the exclusion of substance, language or tone? do they want me to be more needy? more affection? talk like an airhead? Guy perspective is greatly appreciated. Thank you

Sorry I write incoherently now. Just tired and ready for bed.
I don't know what these guys were specifically referring to....but it kind of seems like what you're thinking of is the opposite of what I'd call 'really getting to know someone'. This wouldn't be 'hyper' or chatty. One place to start would be....when you're pretending to be chill (?) or happy......what are you really? Obviously, when you're 'pretending' with someone they aren't getting to know the real you...at least not beyond the fact that you're someone who likes to present a pretend image of yourself.
 
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Psycue is offline Psycue Post #3  October 12,2009, 8:59pm
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Not a guy but share your experience. Sometimes opening up means more than daily happenings, it can be the beginning of why your interested in something or why you like or dislike something... it is the what's make you you.
I find it easier to tell stories of my life when I get comfortable with someone and of course they are comfortable with me. And when they share something with me...kinda open up, I may tell a related story, if I have one to give. I think it builds trust and makes for a good foundation.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #4  October 12,2009, 9:04pm
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Maybe you're not as much of a social animal as everyone else is. Some people aren't , alot of people are. Also they might mean that you don't divulge a lot of information about yourself, and just discuss the issues at hand. Personal stuff is like telling about your parents, where you grew up, that sort of stuff. If you don't want to , that's up to you. You may comment on certain things, but that's not really telling anyone about you other than what your opinion may or may not be.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #5  October 12,2009, 9:08pm
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Psycue wrote :
Not a guy but share your experience. Sometimes opening up means more than daily happenings, it can be the beginning of why your interested in something or why you like or dislike something... it is the what's make you you.
I find it easier to tell stories of my life when I get comfortable with someone and of course they are comfortable with me. And when they share something with me...kinda open up, I may tell a related story, if I have one to give. I think it builds trust and makes for a good foundation.
I agree. I think he is talking more about the deeper part of you. Why you are who you are vs. what happens during your day!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  October 12,2009, 9:17pm
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dietpepsi wrote :
I'm kind of clueless as to exactly what they're referring to, because I tell them about my daily activities, interests, involve them in my social circles and even talk out loud my thoughts.
I'd be clueless too. There are several threads going right now about having "intimate" conversation and I just don't get that. I think too many men must be watching Oprah. You're fine.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  October 12,2009, 9:23pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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melman wrote :
I'd be clueless too. There are several threads going right now about having "intimate" conversation and I just don't get that. I think too many men must be watching Oprah. You're fine.
Larry....it's just that some people want to know more than the fact that you have toast on a stick. They want to know how you got the toast and how you got it on the stick.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #8  October 12,2009, 9:36pm
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jayjay wrote :
Larry....it's just that some people want to know more than the fact that you have toast on a stick. They want to know how you got the toast and how you got it on the stick.
And why you put the toast on a stick. And, how it makes your feel...lol. And, whether you've ever considered putting a bagel on a stick, too.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  October 12,2009, 9:37pm
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Yeah, yeah... joke about The Big Man all you like. But I'm not kidding, there are lots of us (guys and gals alike, apparently) who think that talking about activities and interests and etc. is darned fine conversation. I'm not in touch with my feminine side. Actually I'm not even sure where it is.
 
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Psycue is offline Psycue Post #10  October 12,2009, 9:38pm
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jayjay wrote :
Larry....it's just that some people want to know more than the fact that you have toast on a stick. They want to know how you got the toast and how you got it on the stick.
Toast on a stick, now I can honestly say I have never heard that before.
 
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