whitney82 is offline whitney82 Post #1  October 11,2009, 9:54pm
whitney82's Avatar

Joined: Oct 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I was dating this one guy for a year and a half and he was completely wrong for me....i should have known it from the start i guess. we fought all of the time, had clashing values, and he abused me. i put up with it for all of that time because i thought that i could change him and that somehow things would be different. after i became tired of the physical, emotional and other kinds of abuse i realized that i could no longer handle the fear, intimidation, and control.......for many months my family tried to get me away from him but i never listened...i thought that i could bring out the tiny glimmers of what was good in him out and make that stay...but i just couldn't. i finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me like he tried to tell me all of the time....it was all about what was wrong with him to make him want to hurt me.

finally last april at my sister's wedding i met another guy while i was still with my last one. this new guy is my sister's husband's best friend...they've been best friends since middle school. anyhow, i didn't go for it at first mainly because i thought i couldn't get along with him because he seeemed too shy, and also because i thought he was too young (he's 21 and i'm 27.)
eventually i thought that he seemed like a good guy so i started talking to him. we got along really well and before long we kind of slipped into dating. we mean a lot to each other but i can see some potential problems. first, he told me that when he was in high school he had problems with agression and fighting with other kids.....mainly those who made fun of him. he says that he's trying to not be like that anymore. i haven't seen his angry side at all except when he's had arguments with my ex-boyfriend (who has tried to annoy us.) i don't see my new boyfriend ever taking his anger out on me but i've seen how it can get and it scares me. he apologizes and says "oh sweetie i hate for you to see that side of me." i believe him because he treats me with a lot of respect and is much nicer to me than my last boyfriend was.

second, i worry about the difference in our ages. we still get along fine considering the difference, but i am concerned because he still wants to go to college and i do too. i already have a college degree but i want to go back again... it could be many years before we both have our lives figured out...i guess we just need to communicate and be patient. at the same time, i think about the fact that my biological clock is ticking and that maybe i might want kids, but i'm not sure.

third, we don't have a lot of interests in common. we have similar values, including our religious beliefs.......but he has certain interests that i don't care much about.....we go to blockbuster sometimes and have to stand in there for a long time figuring out which movie we want to see. common interests are important to me. i think it's negotiable, but it's still important.....as in, i can do things with him that are important tohim that i don't care asmuch about, as long as he can do the same.....we do have a few things in common i just wish that we had more in common.

finally, he really hates conflict of all kinds. i think this has to do with the fact that he had trouble with anger and fighting when he was in high school. he is always agreeing to not fight with me and tries to pretend that things don't bother him when i know that they do. i think he's afraid of scaring me away....and he knows about how i was abused by my last boyfriend, so that probably scares him more. i think he needs to be open to the fact that we will argue sometimes and that's okay as long as we can be respectful.....

i'm really bad at telling people what i want. i think this has to do with the abuse in my past and some other life experiences. i have no doubt in my mind though that he is a good person because everyone i've met who knows him says nothing but good things about him.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Relationship Problems? | Relationships | am I stupid??? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 10: What Are Five Things You "Can't Live Without"? eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 49 January 4,2011 6:20am
Things that I no longer wish to read-and things that I would love to see. HarryG AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 84 October 8,2009 1:58am
We both said "I love you", then things got weird! How to keep this train on the tracks? p56360 Ask a Dating Expert 17 September 17,2009 3:34pm
Did I screw up? If so, how can I make things right? Doctora2012 Relationships 17 September 10,2009 9:57pm
On my own again and wondering... KassBell24 About You 8 May 27,2009 5:57pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:47pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0