Trying to figure out how she sees me.


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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #31  October 14,2009, 5:51pm
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LKJ wrote :
When I saw her the other night, she insisted that I try Indian food for the first time this Thursday. I told her I would; she said, "Okay, because someone told me you weren't very adventurous..." I said, "Oh, that's so not true, I'll try anything once." She said, "Okay, okay. I had an ex-boyfriend who would never try anything new and was totally set in his ways, and it was so frustrating." I just smiled and said "Okay, well forget anything you've heard, that absolutely isn't me."

We'll see how it all goes. I'll keep the thread updated with anything major that happens.
Just remember to order a mango lassi and eat the yogurt at the table as milk products are the only thing that cut the fire or you will be as the food comes in and out

You might want to try to find out who this someone is eventually. I personally don't like people speaking for me. But don't be obvious about it...just pay attention if she says anything else along these lines again. Otherwise...Have a Great Time! Life is too short and love is always a worthy goal
 
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LKJ is offline LKJ Post #32  October 18,2009, 10:58pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
Just remember to order a mango lassi and eat the yogurt at the table as milk products are the only thing that cut the fire or you will be as the food comes in and out

You might want to try to find out who this someone is eventually. I personally don't like people speaking for me. But don't be obvious about it...just pay attention if she says anything else along these lines again. Otherwise...Have a Great Time! Life is too short and love is always a worthy goal
Ha...I knew exactly who the "someone" was. It was a good friend of mine who had suggested the Indian food to begin with, and knew I'd cave if she asked me.

Anyway, we're both on break now and in our respective home states, so nothing of significance will happen for a bit.

Honestly, the last week before break I went back to getting the vibe that it wasn't going my way, so I basically decided to pay less attention to her and see what happened. Didn't expect to run into her at the bar that night, but did just as I came in, she was talking in another circle of people...briefly said hi to her and was polite and friendly, but instead of lingering this time I moved on within a minute or two and went to another area to talk with others. Within a couple of minutes, she caught my eye, peeled away from her group and cornered me and talked to me for the rest of the time she was there.

Basically, my married female friend from the OP who saw this and has been watching this situation all along was left saying, "I really don't know. When I see you two in the same place, she REALLY seems to be all about you, but I see mixed signals too. I have no idea what to tell you, she's insanely hard to read." I just laughed and said, "Great...if one of her kind can't understand her, I don't have a prayer."

I'll just take the situation as it comes, but I admit I'm not optimistic at this point. The good signals seem genuinely good, but the bad signs always seem genuinely dire to me. We'll see though.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #33  October 19,2009, 10:28am
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You sound like you've been put into the friend zone. She likes to talk with you, like you are best buds, but that's it. If you want to pursue it on another level, you are going to have to be more upfront about it, and also decide that if you do take this step, where is going to leave you, IF she says no???
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #34  October 19,2009, 5:29pm
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LKJ wrote :
Basically, my married female friend from the OP who saw this and has been watching this situation all along was left saying, "I really don't know. When I see you two in the same place, she REALLY seems to be all about you, but I see mixed signals too. I have no idea what to tell you, she's insanely hard to read." I just laughed and said, "Great...if one of her kind can't understand her, I don't have a prayer."
Oh ye of little faith...all the fun in the beginning is in the chase and you are really good at it It always helps to have that friend of yours casually put in a good word for you...good PR will help snub that bad press you've been getting from her friend. Hope you enjoyed your culinary retreat to India...although I think Greek is chic...gotta love a culture that doesn't mind breaking a dish or two in the name of entertainment
 
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LKJ is offline LKJ Post #35  October 20,2009, 2:35pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
Oh ye of little faith...all the fun in the beginning is in the chase and you are really good at it It always helps to have that friend of yours casually put in a good word for you...good PR will help snub that bad press you've been getting from her friend. Hope you enjoyed your culinary retreat to India...although I think Greek is chic...gotta love a culture that doesn't mind breaking a dish or two in the name of entertainment
I've obviously been misstating that whole thing...I was never really getting bad press, the one making that joke about me being unadventurous is the married friend of mine, she said it jokingly and used it to basically tell this girl, "Well I don't see any way I'll talk him into it, but I bet YOU could"...she reinforced this after the above happened. When we were talking at the bar, I jokingly brought it up again when we were talking about how we ended up here; without even thinking about it, I started with "I've really liked the adventure of moving thousands of miles away from home to be out here"...then thought about it and jokingly said "...but as you know, I'm still a pretty unadventurous guy." That whole "unadventurous" thing was a harmless aside, honestly.

Indian food didn't actually happen yet because of an unexpected and unavoidable lunch meeting getting thrown into my path that day. Doesn't sound like I actually got off the hook yet though.
 
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LKJ is offline LKJ Post #36  October 20,2009, 3:03pm
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beautifulgenius wrote :
You sound like you've been put into the friend zone. She likes to talk with you, like you are best buds, but that's it. If you want to pursue it on another level, you are going to have to be more upfront about it, and also decide that if you do take this step, where is going to leave you, IF she says no???
I share your fear, though obviously hope you're wrong.

If she says no, I wish there was a way for the weirdness level to be predictable so I could act accordingly. I'd like to think that if it went badly, I could handle the situation well enough that I could at least minimize her awkwardness, but who knows. That much is pretty impossible to tell up front. I am an avid poker player though, so I know how to conceal emotions on the surface player as well as anyone.

Ultimately I don't think it'd be very easy to just step back and detach from any hopes of wanting to be more than friends with her unless I knew for sure that she wasn't into me, so I probably should be honest and try to make something happen. Three things could happen:
1. She's receptive and we head toward being something more,
2. She's not, but we have a good talk and we can move toward sincerely just being friends,
3. She's not, she's weirded out, our friendship is severely hampered if not ended.

Two of the three are obviously way better than the status quo, even if #2 contains an embarrassing/awkward moment. #3 would be really bad obviously, but at least I wouldn't have to wonder if I let a chance slip by. While not a desirable choice at all, I'd rather live with a temporarily hurtful situation than a long-term regret.

So, as long as the situation is what it is now, I guess I'm sort of determined to either succeed or go down in flames, for better or for worse...unless I get some stronger negative signals to officially tell me that I'm up a creek. If that happens, I'll adjust accordingly.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #37  October 21,2009, 9:33am

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I don't think that she would waste all of that time with you and then say, No! Now what are you going to do when, she say's yes? Both of you will be spending more one on one time together!

Remember this A kiss is just a kiss, unless it's a miss, But a kiss is also bliss with a good kiss!

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; October 21,2009 at 9:37am.
 
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LKJ is offline LKJ Post #38  November 2,2009, 7:42pm
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Alright, time to dust this old dinosaur off. I've still been trying to make this happen without just blurting out "I like you." We were off on break for a week, texted back and forth a couple of times during that week, nothing significant.

She comes over to hang out a couple of days after getting back. Upon entry, she says "I made you some apple crisp! Here, I'll put it in your fridge." I tried to read the situation, the exchange went...
Me: Oh wow, thank you!
Her: No problem. You let me have some of that amazing cheese last month from Washington, so...
Me (laughing): It's okay, you can just tell me that you made it for me because you like me so much.
Her (laughing): No no, of course I do! But I just didn't have anything tasty to bring back from my state, so I thought this would be the next best thing.
I joked with her a bit longer about how she didn't owe me a thing, but I couldn't get a read. Then, after hanging out for a few hours, mostly just talking, I said "Well hey, it's pretty nasty out, let me give you a ride home." She lives a pretty close walk from here, and insisted that she'd be just fine. Much like declining when I offered to walk her home a couple of weeks ago, that didn't seem great.

Fast forward to a Halloween party thrown by a classmate of ours a few days ago. She contacted me to see when I was going over, so we went over together. I decided I should start being more forward to eliminate any potential ambiguities still hanging around; started complimenting how pretty she was, etc. She said thanks of course. I wasn't sure what kind of vibe I got, it didn't seem very good, but she didn't seem to distance herself either. She hung with me for most of the party, talked about making plans together for the next week, and eventually left together; this time, she accepted my invite to walk her home. And she initiated a hug goodnight. Maybe actions speak louder than any body language that I might have tried to read when I was being complimentary? The next morning, I got a text from her randomly saying "happy Sunday"...so again, obviously not distancing herself a day later.

I had mentioned at the party that the Seahawks would be playing the Lions this season (yes we're aware that our teams are awful), she said we totally needed to get together to watch that game, and she's really not much of an NFL fan. I hadn't realized it, but that's this coming Sunday. So, I shot her an e-mail talking about lunch plans this week, giving my availability, then mentioned that Seahawks-Lions was this Sunday. I said, "Try to have your homework done by 4:00 that day, because that's when we're headed to the sports bar together." She e-mails back, gives a lunch time that works for me, so that's set, then says:
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #39  November 4,2009, 12:11am
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This reminds me of an old "Fraiser" episode about a woman he was dating who kept giving him mixed signals all night....it was maddening! Putting myself in your situation I guess I would keep referring to that friend of yours that has "insider" information. If it was actually me, my Aries impatience would probably have gotten the best of me and I would have just been direct with my feelings and see where we stood. Glad you all are sharing some good times together. Hope the other posters give you some good advice...I'm finally at a loss for words...this is a momentous occasion !
 
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LKJ is offline LKJ Post #40  November 4,2009, 10:23am
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Final update, in all likelihood.

I'm out. As many suspected, I was put in friend zone.

Bummer...but I'll live.

Thanks to everyone who gave me input.
 
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