My boyfriend..My daughter..My confusion?!


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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #51  January 23,2010, 5:26pm
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This man is never going to accept your daughter. If he were going to love her it would have already occured. Yet after two years he finds more and more things wrong with her. If he were a good man he would realize that he could never accept your daughter as his own and he should have walked away. Instead he is trying to convince you that he is right and you should do things his way in regards to your daughter. As others have said, you will always have your daughter....and that is iffy. If you choose this man over her, you may end up with life long regrets. If you really want to be a package deal, end it with this man. He is not what you are looking for.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #52  January 23,2010, 9:48pm
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T3NN1LL3 wrote :
In short, ditch the guy or lose your daughter. I know this sounds harsh but it's true. This is not the right guy for you and trust me the right one is out there.

I was your daughters age when my parents remarried. My father remarried a woman who's values regarding children didn't mesh with his. A woman who didn't want to share him with his own children or even let her kids have anything to do with us. The result is that 20+ years on, I don't know my father. Any visit from him causes him problems at home and I stopped visiting him or my half-sisters because an unchaperoned conversation is not permissible. Not to mention dad just doesn't seem capable of being happy anymore.

On the other hand my mother remarried a man who decided he was going to be a second father to her children after the third date. He had never met us but it didn't matter. He loved her, wanted to marry her and knew we were part of the package. He accepted us as his own from day one. I couldn't have asked for a better step-father. This man gave up everything to make sure our family was happy. As a result my mother and I have a wonderful relationship and more importantly my mum is happy.

Don't settle for second best. Don't put yourself or your daughter through it and remember any problems now will only get worse once your daughter becomes a teenager.
I'm sorry about your biological father. But, what a great inspiration your step-dad is.
 
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maggie10 is offline maggie10 Post #53  January 23,2010, 10:49pm
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While it may be difficult to hear, this man is not for you. I was the divorced mother of 3 girls, oldest was 6yrs, then 3 yr. old twins when I met my current husband. I became separated when my twins were 10 months old and I was devastated when their dad walked out on us. I always knew in my heart that my girls and I were a package deal and had no problem voicing that to my husband. Your daughter is at a tough age and you always must be mindful that even at age 3, a child, especially a girl can manipulate a situation. That being said, you have been in this relationship far too long, deserve a man to care for and who cares for, a true family life. I am blessed that my girls have a step-dad who treats them as their own and do not be afraid that you can and deserve the same outcome. Best of luck.
 
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OldtimeDaddyx10 is offline OldtimeDaddyx10 Post #54  January 24,2010, 7:21am
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California87
I am sorry, Mr Perfect is not perfect. He really needs to grow up and mature before you go any further in any kind of relationship.
Fortyseven years ago when I found my sweetheart she had 6 children from 1 to 10 years old. I adopted all of them and and they became our children. Today having lost my Lover, I still have the love and devotion of 10 wonderful aldult children.
You will never be able to fix his inability to acccept your lovely daugther. If after two years he insists on your full attention he appears to be an inmature, selfess person.
My best advice is to get him out of your lives and move on.
Trust me, the most important thing in you life is the relationship with you daughter, nuture it, please. Do that and you will find the man that will love you both. There are still some great ones out there. He will find you. God blesss you both. Sorry I rambled on so, but this is a very important choice you MUST make.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #55  January 24,2010, 12:25pm
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Let's hope she got this figured out, since the original post was more than 3 months ago.
 
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EmpressBlack is offline EmpressBlack Post #56  January 24,2010, 4:09pm
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I know what you're going through, and how you're confused. It's hard to find a guy who's truly accepting of you and your daughter.

I have a daughter as well, and I make it apparently whenever I had profiles on singles network that me and my daughter are packaged deal.

That's totally wrong that your boyfriend doesn't want to have anything to do with your daughter. If he can't accept your daughter as well, then you need to think about getting rid of him. If your boyfriend ends up eventually hurting your daughter emotionally and/or physically and in a way its also hurting you, its like domestic violence and that cannot and should not happen.

Your daughter should not be subjected to person that doesn't equally care about you and your daughter. You and your daughter are a packaged deal.

If a guy that I'm dating cannot be equally accepting to me and my daughter, then he doesn't serve me. I don't want to be treated like crap and I certainly don't want my daughter to be treated like crap.
 
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lifeisarollercoaster is offline lifeisarollercoaster Post #57  January 24,2010, 8:41pm
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Now i know by reading everyone's replies that i am not alone. Your kids always come first. you've heard it mostly from parents but take it from a child(not a child but someone's child) choose your daughter. There are men who will love you just as much and will love your daughter the same. she may not express her feelings but she notices how he treats her differently. she shouldnt take a back burner to this man. the previously replier talked about her childhood and how her parents remarried and how the relationship w/ the dad was affected. my mother met this guy who i believe is fake and treats me differently when she is not around.she knows all her children dont like him and says she wont allow us to come between her and her boyfriend. i am totally respectful toward the relationship but she was just stating that. many times she has made it clear at least to me who she is choosing. you can have both a relationship w/ your child and boyfriend but if it comes down to it choose your daughter b/c how she is feeling will come out later. i know years from now my relationship w/ my mother will still be affected by it. what if you continue seeing him and your daughter gets older into the teens and starts acting out like many teens do?how will he handle it if he is unwilling to handle 7yr old problems? The choice is yours in the end..we dont know the guy but i think you know the answer for yourself. good luck w/ making the right choice. Relationships may end but no matter what that little girl will always be your daughter. i know its tough but if i had a kid i know he/she would always come first. My childhood had difficulties that i still struggle w/ today b/c of my parents relationship. adults sometimes forget that kids notice everything and while they are resilient and may not express their emotion they ARE affected. hope this helps
 
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craftyeye is offline craftyeye Post #58  January 25,2010, 12:41am
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Trust me you can wait till the cows come home this guy will never compromise. He will only become more controlling. This relationship will only traumatize your daughter and you will become the middleman. Get out before you invest anymore time and lessen the heartache for both you and your daughter. There is someone who will love her as much as you do. I know been there done that and after 20 yrs it is still the same old arguements.
 
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MsPattymelts is offline MsPattymelts Post #59  January 25,2010, 3:42am
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I also know what you are going thru in many ways. Divorced and had a young daughter also. Children will be kids but you have to set limits for them. Someone suggested to ask a friend who will be frank and honest with you and tell you the truth about how your daughter acts and not just what you want to hear!
I was adopted and raised in a very, very Polish Family and his excuse is just that. Another excuse to try to seperate you from your daughter. The Polish thing is crappolla!
You are your daughter's Mom for life!! I made the mistake you could make if you don't dump this selfish so called "Mr. Perfect". I am so very lucky that my daughter was older at the time and was kind enough to forgive my mistake, one I learned the hard way. Thank the good Lord it wasn't for 2 yrs. Don't sell your daughter and yourself short, you both deserve better. And FYI With lots of love and support, my daughter now has a great job in the State House and just received her Master's degree.
Funny how things work, took me some yrs. later but I really have met my soulmate, got married........he never had children but even tho she's all grown up now, he has been a friend of "ours" (my X-husbands and mine) and is actually her Godfather and I have known him for 30 yrs. So you never know where Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect actually is but he is not who you are with now. I am sorry to say that.
signed
MsPattymelts

ps My Mom just recently passed away. She passed away in my arms but I say that because my daughter is my best friend in the world and she was here for me and her Grandmother and the only other person here to help was my soon to be husband and soulmate, who I have married and as happy still as I was on our wedding day, who I think I'll keep this time!
 
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