FullofTears is offline FullofTears Post #1  October 8,2009, 4:40pm
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Ive been dating a guy for about 2 and a half years. We had dated in the past for several months and we went our separate ways. After about 7 years we started talking again and realized that we both still loved each other and that we should be together. Everything has been good, except for the little issues we seem to have from time to time. We always compromise and make things better. Then a few weeks ago, after we had already made plans to get married and already started building a house, he decides that we will never be completely happy with each other. He says that we will always have little issues and now he says that I dont trust him, which is I want to spend every second of everyday with him. SO, on top of my life is over and we were working together and I have to find another job, I cant seem to let go.

How do I let go when I feel like we should be together forever??
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 8,2009, 6:02pm
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I think you should get into a rebound relationship as soon as possible.
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #3  October 8,2009, 6:49pm
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It sounds like he has pulled the plug on this merry go round relationship. It's like watching the bath water drain out of the tub and frantically looking for a plug to save what's left. I'm sorry for the situation you are in but it's one that takes two.

Really a relationship that is right for you isn't a back and forth situation. It's just right...not red flags...not deal breakers...it's just a good fit.

You can look at this relationship like melted ice cream and wish it was like when you first met...but like ice cream...some relationships run their course.

Your good fit is out there...whether it is him or someone else...time will tell. Just take a deep look at what doesn't work and either fix it or move on...as you deserve to be happy.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  October 8,2009, 7:12pm
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FullofTears wrote :
Ive been dating a guy for about 2 and a half years. We had dated in the past for several months and we went our separate ways. After about 7 years we started talking again and realized that we both still loved each other and that we should be together. Everything has been good, except for the little issues we seem to have from time to time. We always compromise and make things better. Then a few weeks ago, after we had already made plans to get married and already started building a house, he decides that we will never be completely happy with each other. He says that we will always have little issues and now he says that I dont trust him, which is I want to spend every second of everyday with him. SO, on top of my life is over and we were working together and I have to find another job, I cant seem to let go.

How do I let go when I feel like we should be together forever??
I sympathise my dear. It's really hard to get over a lost love. You should google that and read up on the subject. These rekindled romances sometimes have a LOT more chemistry than ordinary ones do and they can be much harder to get over.

Would it help to point out to him that any relationship is going to have little issues and it's not the fact that issues come up so much as how they get dealt with that is important?

Another book you might read is How to Get Back Your Lover. Despite the unfortunate title, this is a book about how to love people. Even people you are no longer with. It can also help you decide if the relationship is one worth pursuing.

Good luck with this difficult situation.
 
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FullofTears is offline FullofTears Post #5  October 8,2009, 8:23pm
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Thanks, you guys. It actually made me feel a little better just typing it out and posting it. I will check into that book.

I still feel he will make his way back to me eventually. I just hope its not too late.

Just to make it clear, it was never a back and forth relationship. The first time we broke up was what we both decided and since we got back together until now, breaking up was never an issue discussed.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  October 8,2009, 8:30pm

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Why didn't you resolve those little issues instead of letting them fester? ( or Fix it before it breaks.)

The bottom line is that you have invested to much in the relationship to give up now! I would find someone for couples counseling and start interviewing ASAP. Give him his space and a chance to miss you. Then invite him out to dinner to compare notes on the break up? During dinner ask him, if he would like to try couples counseling to see if you can resolve your differences? You guys have a lot going for you so don't crack be smart for yourself. If you work together try an employment agreement so he can't treat like he did without paying for it.

Harvey7.
 
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FullofTears is offline FullofTears Post #7  October 8,2009, 9:09pm
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We did resolve the little issues. We always do. We already talked about counseling and I got offended and then agreed to it and the damage was already done.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 9,2009, 1:01pm
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2 1/2 years together, engaged, making future plans ... and then he says "not gonna work"? Sweetheart. I'd take him at his word.

But what do you mean, you agreed to counseling but the damage was already done? Did you ever go to counseling? If not, I think it would be reasonable, with this much time behind you, to tell him you want to try counseling before making a final decision on marriage or breaking up. Many people have commitment phobia and have a lot of trouble getting over The Big One, and need some help with that.

But prepared to find out that this guy is not going to go further, not with you, maybe not with anyone. And give yourself time to get over it. You will.

My condolences! It hurts. And good luck to you.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  October 9,2009, 1:26pm

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FullofTears wrote :
We did resolve the little issues. We always do. We already talked about counseling and I got offended and then agreed to it and the damage was already done.
I would think that you need some individual counseling before thinking about couples counseling. You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder and only after the horse ran away are you able to consider therapy. You see what you want to see and you hear what you want hear, but you tune him out, why?

Harvey7.
 
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FullofTears is offline FullofTears Post #10  October 9,2009, 6:36pm
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I dont think I have a chip on my shoulder. We talked about counseling in the past and I told him I would do it and for him to set it up. He didnt even look into it. I did look into it but thats as far as it got. Thats why I got offended.

Also, I dont tune him out. I just dont think he talks enough. I analyze and contemplate everything he says. I try to figure out what makes us better and him better and me better.
 
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