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PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
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PR_Princess Eid Mubarak!

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Enough of tough love...it's not really my style

It's normal to be angry, to be sad, and all the other emotions that go along with the grieving process. Allow yourself to be human and grieve for the loss of your relationship. God tests us so that we can be closer to Him and not the other way around.

Perhaps with counseling you both can salvage your marriage. The desire to do so has to be there in both of you and that means starting this relationship all over again from the ground up. With God all things are possible. May He bless you with success in which ever path you as a couple decide to take.
- October 10th, 2009, 05:35 am
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mercury12 mercury12 is offline
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Tatalia wrote :
I do love him more than anything. If the marriage is over for him and he doesn't love me anymore, then why is he still around? I am so confused.
[quote=lynnlikes;764670]BECAUSE HE CAN - your actions are telling him that you will allow him to step on you on the way out the door.

He considers you his safety net, his Plan B. If she doesn't want him or it doesn't work out the way he intends, then he can always come back to you. You will always be there no matter how poorly he treats you.

Yes, he may well believe that divorce is a sin and that marriage is sacred. However, currently he is not living his beliefs. He may return to those beliefs someday, but it is not convenient at this time. He is living for the moment and the moment does not really include you.

So you make yourself not available. Consider him gone. Take care of yourself.

If he happens to return, then you are in the driver's seat. You cannot continue to be his doormat. If this fling doesn't work for him, you are giving him permission (by actions, not words) that you will take him back next time too.

Don't make it so easy for him to have it both ways.

Be strong. Find it in yourself. That alone may shock him back to reality.


Hey Tatalia.
Been there - done that!
In my case he gave up the woman (mainly because I found out) and soon took up with another, and another.
This may not happen with you, but it's something to think about.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself and start doubting yorself or getting all angry and bitter. Does not help in the least!
Work on bolstering your self esteem, and like lynnlikes said; just treat him like he's already gone.
If he stays, layout new rules.
If he leaves, you already prepared yourself.
- October 10th, 2009, 06:44 am
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outdoorjeanie outdoorjeanie is offline
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There are so many of us that have been there: both men and women!
He has already emotional exited his relationship with you when he got involved with the other woman.
I understand that you still love him...DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU NEED TO DO TO ASSURE YOURSELF THAT YOU DID ALL YOU CAN TO TRY TO PUT THINGS BACK TOGETHER. That means asking him to see a counselor with you. If he is willing to save the marriage, he will not hesitate to break ALL contact with this woman. He should be willing to do anything it takes to rebuild the trust and respect that he destroyed with his actions. He may not have left as it is easier and less expensive to stay put. Are there children involved? It is very difficult to let family and friends of the both you to know that you are leaving because you have gotten involved with someone else.

One other small piece of advice: Do contact a attorney to start protecting your finances and assets. If he is anything like my ex, he is starting to prepare for his own apartment and new life with new furniture compliments of your bank account and worse yet, home equity line that may be in BOTH your names. If you don't have your own account, time to set one one just in case. You wont be sorry.
- October 10th, 2009, 01:27 pm
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angel_bornin_hell angel_bornin_hell is offline
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Leave him, he is not worth it. If you will take this advise, you will realize later that you did the right thing. I was once in your shoes. My husband and soon to be Ex did the same thing. Before we got married,he flew to Vegas with his ex-GF two months before he made a formal proposal to me. He was my BF for 3.5 years but since I was overseas, I did not know what was going on while I was not around. I gave up my job for him so we could be together. He regularly met with his ex-gf (who he only claims as an ex and just friends) and I found a lot pictures of them together with different dates on it throughout the years that I was not around. I was afraid to let go, of course (just like you) and yes I did try to work it out with him to the point that I contracted a stress related ailment. I couldn't sleep and eat. I could not accept what he did. He lied (repeatedly) and he refused to give up this woman. It was a bitter pill for me to swallow. I forgave him and he promised me he would cut all ties with this woman. We got married. The day before our marriage, we bumped into his ex in the mall while we are shopping for rings. My husband ran away and hid in one of the boutiques so his ex wont see us together. I asked him to introduce me, and he refused because he said he did not want to hurt her. The day after our marriage, because he thought I was tracking his calls, he admitted to me that his ex called him in his office. I've thought over if there's a reason for me to remain married to him. Yes I did but he also gave me huge reason to leave. Our marriage lasted for less than a month. I filed a divorce. It's not worth staying and have kids. I did him and myself a huge favor. Cut our losses. I am telling you my story because I want you to know what I had so many reasons to stay but if you've already done your part and your partner is still not willing to change, its a waste of time. You would wanna spend it on something worth it. My husband though our divorce has been filed is still calling me everyday begging me to come back and save the marriage. I just told him, I gave him myriad of chances. He should have done his part while we were still together.
Last edited by angel_bornin_hell; October 11th, 2009 at 08:31 pm.
- October 11th, 2009, 08:25 pm
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