my husband cheated and won't give her up


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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #31  October 10,2009, 4:35am
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Enough of tough love...it's not really my style

It's normal to be angry, to be sad, and all the other emotions that go along with the grieving process. Allow yourself to be human and grieve for the loss of your relationship. God tests us so that we can be closer to Him and not the other way around.

Perhaps with counseling you both can salvage your marriage. The desire to do so has to be there in both of you and that means starting this relationship all over again from the ground up. With God all things are possible. May He bless you with success in which ever path you as a couple decide to take.
 
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mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #32  October 10,2009, 5:44am
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Tatalia wrote :
I do love him more than anything. If the marriage is over for him and he doesn't love me anymore, then why is he still around? I am so confused.
[quote=lynnlikes;764670]BECAUSE HE CAN - your actions are telling him that you will allow him to step on you on the way out the door.

He considers you his safety net, his Plan B. If she doesn't want him or it doesn't work out the way he intends, then he can always come back to you. You will always be there no matter how poorly he treats you.

Yes, he may well believe that divorce is a sin and that marriage is sacred. However, currently he is not living his beliefs. He may return to those beliefs someday, but it is not convenient at this time. He is living for the moment and the moment does not really include you.

So you make yourself not available. Consider him gone. Take care of yourself.

If he happens to return, then you are in the driver's seat. You cannot continue to be his doormat. If this fling doesn't work for him, you are giving him permission (by actions, not words) that you will take him back next time too.

Don't make it so easy for him to have it both ways.

Be strong. Find it in yourself. That alone may shock him back to reality.


Hey Tatalia.
Been there - done that!
In my case he gave up the woman (mainly because I found out) and soon took up with another, and another.
This may not happen with you, but it's something to think about.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself and start doubting yorself or getting all angry and bitter. Does not help in the least!
Work on bolstering your self esteem, and like lynnlikes said; just treat him like he's already gone.
If he stays, layout new rules.
If he leaves, you already prepared yourself.
 
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outdoorjeanie is offline outdoorjeanie Post #33  October 10,2009, 12:27pm
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There are so many of us that have been there: both men and women!
He has already emotional exited his relationship with you when he got involved with the other woman.
I understand that you still love him...DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU NEED TO DO TO ASSURE YOURSELF THAT YOU DID ALL YOU CAN TO TRY TO PUT THINGS BACK TOGETHER. That means asking him to see a counselor with you. If he is willing to save the marriage, he will not hesitate to break ALL contact with this woman. He should be willing to do anything it takes to rebuild the trust and respect that he destroyed with his actions. He may not have left as it is easier and less expensive to stay put. Are there children involved? It is very difficult to let family and friends of the both you to know that you are leaving because you have gotten involved with someone else.

One other small piece of advice: Do contact a attorney to start protecting your finances and assets. If he is anything like my ex, he is starting to prepare for his own apartment and new life with new furniture compliments of your bank account and worse yet, home equity line that may be in BOTH your names. If you don't have your own account, time to set one one just in case. You wont be sorry.
 
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angel_bornin_hell is offline angel_bornin_hell Post #34  October 11,2009, 7:25pm
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Leave him, he is not worth it. If you will take this advise, you will realize later that you did the right thing. I was once in your shoes. My husband and soon to be Ex did the same thing. Before we got married,he flew to Vegas with his ex-GF two months before he made a formal proposal to me. He was my BF for 3.5 years but since I was overseas, I did not know what was going on while I was not around. I gave up my job for him so we could be together. He regularly met with his ex-gf (who he only claims as an ex and just friends) and I found a lot pictures of them together with different dates on it throughout the years that I was not around. I was afraid to let go, of course (just like you) and yes I did try to work it out with him to the point that I contracted a stress related ailment. I couldn't sleep and eat. I could not accept what he did. He lied (repeatedly) and he refused to give up this woman. It was a bitter pill for me to swallow. I forgave him and he promised me he would cut all ties with this woman. We got married. The day before our marriage, we bumped into his ex in the mall while we are shopping for rings. My husband ran away and hid in one of the boutiques so his ex wont see us together. I asked him to introduce me, and he refused because he said he did not want to hurt her. The day after our marriage, because he thought I was tracking his calls, he admitted to me that his ex called him in his office. I've thought over if there's a reason for me to remain married to him. Yes I did but he also gave me huge reason to leave. Our marriage lasted for less than a month. I filed a divorce. It's not worth staying and have kids. I did him and myself a huge favor. Cut our losses. I am telling you my story because I want you to know what I had so many reasons to stay but if you've already done your part and your partner is still not willing to change, its a waste of time. You would wanna spend it on something worth it. My husband though our divorce has been filed is still calling me everyday begging me to come back and save the marriage. I just told him, I gave him myriad of chances. He should have done his part while we were still together.
Last edited by angel_bornin_hell; October 11,2009 at 7:31pm.
 
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HeartAndSoul77 is offline HeartAndSoul77 Post #35  July 10,2011, 10:48am
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Hey you have no right to call her a whiner till you people have truly been in love and know what it feels like to have someone use you and treat you like crap you dont have no room to say anything I was with a girl for 3 years and found out that half of that 3 years she was cheating on me with my best friend it hurts it really hurts to have someone do that to you and it also breaks you down and makes you wonder what you did wrong but the fact is you didnt do anything wrong the other person did and half that do dont realize in the end what it does to a person when they do that to them. I am so Fed up with what men do to women because good men like me who have gone our entire life respecting and treating women right are judged for it as well and how much you wanna bet half of the people that have left comments would do the same thing this woman's husband did to her, hey dont let him rip parts of your heart away 1 at a time find a real man that will respect and love you like a real husband should and don't let the comments of morons make you think its your fault it is in no way shape or form your fault.
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #36  July 10,2011, 11:53am
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Shouldn't I have all of this...and passionate kisses?

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FYI: this thread is nearly 2 years old
 
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HeartAndSoul77 is offline HeartAndSoul77 Post #37  July 10,2011, 12:45pm
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lol i didn't notice that I'm new to this site
 
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Angelkrista is offline Angelkrista Post #38  July 10,2011, 1:00pm
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Shouldn't I have all of this...and passionate kisses?

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HeartAndSoul77 wrote :
lol i didn't notice that I'm new to this site
Happens a lot..you'll see
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #39  July 10,2011, 2:27pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Tatalia wrote :
I do love him more than anything. If the marriage is over for him and he doesn't love me anymore, then why is he still around? I am so confused.
...because, apparently, you let him stay around ...no matter what he does to you.

You aren't confused, darlin' ...you just don't want to accept the truth.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #40  July 10,2011, 2:29pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Angelkrista wrote :
FYI: this thread is nearly 2 years old
DAGNABBIT!!
 
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