shellyg is offline shellyg Post #1  September 30,2009, 1:01am
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**UU&*
Last edited by shellyg; October 4,2009 at 8:01am. Reason: na
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  September 30,2009, 3:25am
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The question is, would she believe you if you told her? ...and, what will happen if she doesn't? ...what if she just thinks you are a frenemy looking to sabotage her relationship? If she is a 'friend', you stand to lose that.

While it sounds like a grand idea, telling her to save her from him, but it makes you sound jealous and vengeful. You should consider that.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #3  September 30,2009, 5:59am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
The question is, would she believe you if you told her? ...and, what will happen if she doesn't? ...what if she just thinks you are a frenemy looking to sabotage her relationship? If she is a 'friend', you stand to lose that.

While it sounds like a grand idea, telling her to save her from him, but it makes you sound jealous and vengeful. You should consider that.
Agreed.
It's very hard to warn even your close friends about potential problems in their relationships, much more if it is just a 'woman you know.'
If there is some clear and objective evidence you can point her to, you might want to do that (carefully.) If not, why would she believe some random woman over the man she's dating?
Sad as it is, most people have to make their own mistakes in love.
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #4  September 30,2009, 6:20am
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Thanks for your honest replies. I have thought about it from this point of view. I do have evidence of the lies. I am not one to stick my nose into those types of things normally but it is a difficult decision since I know this person can't be trusted. A part of me looks at it as a 'women sticking together' type of thing. I have thought about the consequences of doing it and how it might be perceived. We all know a person's true character comes out eventually and he cannot hide his problem. This is why I am seeking advice. Thanks!
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  September 30,2009, 6:21am

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I wouldn't approach her, but if she was to approach me and ask for my opinion. I might spill the beans.
I would also consider if you do happen to say something. You could possibly be opening the flood gates, and now you're her personal sounding board for their relationship. Being in the middle is awful!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  September 30,2009, 8:08am

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Good Morning Shelly,
First ask yourself knowing what you know, why did you allow him to sweet talk you into dropping your draws? The other women also knows what kind of a rat or bum that he is and she's just as horny as you were!
The lie is a form of justification that makes it OK to have sex with him!

Mind you own business and don't be a rat like him, because it will only turn out poorly for you. It does seem that you are trying to get even.

Move on, knowing that you were a willing partner and that you got suckered by him, so you'll be smarter the
next time.

Harrvey7.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #7  September 30,2009, 8:57am
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is wishing for good things to happen!

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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
I wouldn't approach her, but if she was to approach me and ask for my opinion. I might spill the beans.
I would also consider if you do happen to say something. You could possibly be opening the flood gates, and now you're her personal sounding board for their relationship. Being in the middle is awful!
I agree with this. I do think that she has to make her own decisions in the relationship. I wouldn't necessarily go to her and tell her all the bad things about him because she may just think you are trying to sabotage the relationship because she is dating your ex. I would wait and see if she asks for your opinion and then I would definitely tell her. Because that way it doesn't look like you are trying to hurt her.

Although, it is tricky because if someone I knew dated my bf and something bad happened, I would probably want to know.
 
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trollbanger is offline trollbanger Post #8  September 30,2009, 12:31pm

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She will not listen. Would you have listened?

No. She believes her eyes, just as you do, and she sees the man you saw then, not the man you see now.
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #9  September 30,2009, 1:15pm
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Thanks for your replies. I think I might just sit back and see what happens. I don't want to come across as being perceived as a jealous and vindictive person. I am not jealous of them dating, I am concerned about him hurting someone that I know.
 
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robert2008 is offline robert2008 Post #10  September 30,2009, 10:20pm
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BikerBeagle wrote :
The question is, would she believe you if you told her?
I think that's a funny question! To me, the proper question is:

Do you have a moral obligation to tell her?

I'd determine the answer by looking at (1) how well you know her and (2) the potential danger she's in.

This question and analysis will work for all situations: A guy who lies, a guy who's violent, etc.
 
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