why cant I figure out what to do?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
sideline is offline sideline Post #1  September 28,2009, 7:32am
sideline's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 8

See profile

I was married for 25 years. I have been divorced now for almost 2 years. I met a wonderful man almost 2 years ago. I love everything about him and his wonderful to me. We have fun together, but for some reason I cant commit and I have a hard time saying I love you. Does this mean I am not in love? Should I let him go? I think about this every day. I am driving myselk crazy with what to do. Is there something wrong with me? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
 
  Reply With Quote
TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #2  September 28,2009, 10:28am
TiffanyDiamon…'s Avatar

is so in love!!

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1,200

See profile

sideline wrote :
I was married for 25 years. I have been divorced now for almost 2 years. I met a wonderful man almost 2 years ago. I love everything about him and his wonderful to me. We have fun together, but for some reason I cant commit and I have a hard time saying I love you. Does this mean I am not in love? Should I let him go? I think about this every day. I am driving myselk crazy with what to do. Is there something wrong with me? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
You say you have been divorced for almost 2 years and you met this man 2 years ago. Seeing that 2 years have passed and you have not been able to commit or even tell him that you love him - could it be that he is your rebound guy and maybe you don't love him but he was there when you needed someone???
 
  Reply With Quote
Aussiegirrl is offline Aussiegirrl Post #3  September 28,2009, 3:11pm
Aussiegirrl's Avatar

is always dreaming of perfection

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2008

Victoria, Australia

Posts: 294

See profile

sideline wrote :
I was married for 25 years. I have been divorced now for almost 2 years. I met a wonderful man almost 2 years ago. I love everything about him and his wonderful to me. We have fun together, but for some reason I cant commit and I have a hard time saying I love you. Does this mean I am not in love? Should I let him go? I think about this every day. I am driving myselk crazy with what to do. Is there something wrong with me? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
If you say "I love everything about him", then my guess is that you do love him. You might not have to say it, you might just demonstrate with your actions that you really care.

What do you mean by saying that you can't commit? Do you go out with other guys as well?
 
  Reply With Quote
sideline is offline sideline Post #4  September 28,2009, 7:20pm
sideline's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 8

See profile

When I say I cant commit, I mean he is talking about us moving in together and I am not in any hurry to move in. I think I am afraid of being hurt again.
 
  Reply With Quote
sideline is offline sideline Post #5  September 28,2009, 7:27pm
sideline's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 8

See profile

He may have been a rebound guy. I dont like to think that..I was only looking for a friend at first. Then we started seeing each other on a regular basis . I am not seeing any other men. I know that he wants to move to the next level. But I dont feel ready. I cant figure out why. Afterall it has been about 2 years.
 
  Reply With Quote
HeartTherapy is offline HeartTherapy Post #6  September 29,2009, 5:13am
HeartTherapy's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 7

See profile

If you don't feel ready, DON'T DO IT. Whether he qualifies as a "rebound" or not, your gut instinct on an issue like this is certainly worth listening to.

Though this is not the popular view in our culture, I will also tell you from years of counseling that couples who are sexually intimate and who move in together outside of marriage are actually reducing the statistical chances of that marriage lasting exponentially. If you've become physically intimate and yet you're not ready to commit to marriage, you've sent the man mixed messages and allowed him to enjoy the icing without having to eat the cake.

If you are not ready to make a lifelong commitment to him, the best thing you can do--difficult as it may be--is bring the level of emotional and physical intimacy back down to something that can be MAINTAINED at the emotional commitment status you currently find yourself. It's not fair to him to give what belongs only in marriage...but the answer is NOT to get married so you can keep having sex! The answer is to reign yourself in and know that when it is God's time for you to be in a committed relationship again, He will give you the strength to do it in a way that will produce lasting results.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sanders is offline Sanders Post #7  September 29,2009, 6:17am
Sanders's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 56

See profile

So you love all of the guys qualities that he possesses, but do you really have a loving/drawing feeling for him? Do you have any sex drive for him? If so, perhaps on a biochemical level, the 2 of you just don't match up. Don't mean to get all cold and clinical here, just stuff I recall from those shows on TV (TLC channel I think) that talk about the subjects of sex, love, lust etc.

If you do have a natural draw towards him, then I'm guessing maybe it then may be a fear issue for you.
 
  Reply With Quote
beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #8  September 29,2009, 7:58am
beautifulgeni…'s Avatar

Celebrating life without regrets...

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Albany, Oregon

Posts: 1,357

See profile

You are just worried about being hurt again. It happens to the best of us. I think a lot of times, we just get out of a relationship where the scars just haven't had enough time to heal, but they will. Time is the best healer, and you just have to learn to forgive the situation and go on. Don't dump him, but discuss with your SO your feelings, and remember that he probably has his stuff to divulge as well. You can be each other's therapists..lol...and just take one day at a time. He's in your life for a reason.
 
  Reply With Quote
landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #9  September 29,2009, 8:37am
landstar59's Avatar

There is no fear in love.

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2008

30.5 Lat / -90.45 Long

Posts: 1,921

See profile

sideline wrote :
I was married for 25 years. I have been divorced now for almost 2 years. I met a wonderful man almost 2 years ago. I love everything about him and his wonderful to me. We have fun together, but for some reason I cant commit and I have a hard time saying I love you. Does this mean I am not in love? Should I let him go? I think about this every day. I am driving myselk crazy with what to do. Is there something wrong with me? Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
IMHO if you think he is wonderful and you love everything about him but have problems committing and saying I love you, then you only love him as a friend. You must look inside yourself and be honest. Do you feel excited when you talk to him, know he is coming near, do you long to be with him? Discern what type of love it is; only you know and you will have your answer.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #10  September 30,2009, 8:31am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

Aussiegirrl wrote :
If you say "I love everything about him", then my guess is that you do love him. You might not have to say it, you might just demonstrate with your actions that you really care.

What do you mean by saying that you can't commit? Do you go out with other guys as well?

That's really strange advice coming from someone that has a fear of intimacy! Maybe you should heed your own advice?

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; September 30,2009 at 8:50am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Fear of Intimacy. Anyone experience this? | Relationships | Trying to date the legally separated. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do men really like full figured women? DIVINE_DESIGNS7 About You 437 January 15,2012 3:28pm
Smothering—Can You Love Too Much? Sarah Relationships 163 January 27,2010 12:01pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:44pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0