Divorced folks: do you still believe in marriage?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  September 26,2009, 6:16pm
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I recently spoke with a friend who said that because of how her marriage failed, that she no longer believed in the concept of marriage. I asked her if she meant monogamy and she said no -- specifically marriage, that the bond of marriage seems meaningless to her now.

Her marriage was great and ended amicably (as far as we her friends could see).

I wonder how widespread this feeling is, so I thought I'd ask that question here.

If you were previously married and went through a divorce -- would you marry again?

Do you regret having married your previous wife / husband?

Any other views or ideas about this topic?
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #2  September 26,2009, 6:30pm
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I'm sure I'm a little jaded, as marriage seems to have become more of a legal contract than the romantic keystone of the nuclear family. I will however permit myself to be swept away by the right woman.
 
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dahlimema is offline dahlimema Post #3  September 26,2009, 7:22pm
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lori,
I have been divorced for 15 years, I do not regret being married. My friends would ask me {early years post divorce) if I missed being married, I told them I missed being a family. I probably would get remarried. I also feel that the older I get the odds of remarriage are not in my favor.








 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  September 26,2009, 7:23pm
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I have come to question it personally. Both times it seemed that the fact there was a piece of paper saying till death do us part made the guy feel safe to do whatever he wanted regardless of my feelings. They did not act that way before marriage, only after I had signed in blood on the dotted line. Progressively, they acted worse and worse.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  September 26,2009, 9:01pm
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I've been divorced almost 8 years. While I would marry again, I think it would be a decision that would take me a long time to get to. I would like to think that one day I will be married again. It's not so much being married that I miss as the companionship--the idea of having someone to share everything with at the end of the day.

It's hard for me to say that I regret my marriage because of my kids, but I do look back sometimes and think "What were you thinking?!?"
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  September 27,2009, 12:19am
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I have been divorced for 8 or 9 years and I still very much believe in the concept of marriage. I would never have guessed I would stay single so long, but I find myself being cautious while dating, particularly because of my children at home. I've had a few great relationships and a few not so great, and have been asked to marry a few times. I came close to remarriage a few years ago, but an important career move for my bf changed things for us.

Marriage to a man who respects me (and whom I respect) and who values each hour we have together, is what I hope for someday. He'd be in my first thoughts of the day when I wake, and make me smile just before I sleep. And I'd hope it would be the same for him. My recent boyfriend thought my ideas were dumb -- only for the young and not sustainable. I feel sorry for his next girlfriend.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; September 27,2009 at 12:26am.
 
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tjy21 is offline tjy21 Post #7  September 27,2009, 3:26am
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I have been married twice, and divorced twice. Im 38 and thats alot of relationship in a short time, 10 years from first marriage till last divorce.

I am not bitter, but hopeful that I have learnt enough about relationships that I will have a successful marriage one day. To be against marriage for me would be having a negative view of life. I wouldnt have got divorced if I didnt think there was a guy out there who could come to me with an open heart ready to have a positive fun relationship.

But I do believe that I should stop and evaluate myself and the reasons that I married in the first place, so this is a total cliche.....Im in therapy!!! and Im in australia, I think most reading this are in america, I think you guys are more open to therapy than us, but its great and I feel like Im getting to know myself for the first time.

I girl without boundaries is not ready for marriage number three.

hope this added something to the subject!!

tj
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #8  September 27,2009, 4:45am
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I don't regret the marriage at all. We had fifteen-twenty good years which balance out the ten or so bad ones, and three remarkable kids who've become wonderful adults. It ended as well as it could.

I'm not sure how I feel about remarriage. It scares me a bit, because I've seen how subtly and irrevocably wrong a relationship can go, and I fear the same thing happening again. On the other hand, in my age group, it's unusual to co-habitate, and I do feel the impetus toward matrimony.

It's not a necessity for me; I'm very comfortable right now with us living together. The Sweetie wants it (a wedding) more than I, and that's one reason to do it. If my cold feet prevail for now, as time and health require that we have certain legal standing toward each other, we'll probably trot over to the court house and do the deed.
Last edited by Spider; September 27,2009 at 12:02pm. Reason: clarity
 
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lynnlikes is offline lynnlikes Post #9  September 27,2009, 4:59am
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I am one of those terribly romatic women that wants a real soul mate and lover. I believe in marriage because my parents have had a wonderful marriage of over 60 years. They are still silly in love today. However, I am independent and have been single for 12 years. It appears that marriage may be a better deal if you are a man. Many of the men that I have met want to be "tacken care of" rather than be a partner in a relationship. One man asked me if I could cook. I replied that I enjoy cooking but rarely have the time. His next response was......."Will you cook for me?" That's not my idea of a partnership marriage.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #10  September 27,2009, 5:06am
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I was married for 33 years and I don't regret that. Yes, I would like to get married again or at least have some kind of commitment if marriage isn't what the other person wants.
 
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