ohiossteacher is offline ohiossteacher Post #1  September 24,2009, 2:34pm
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So, ten days ago, my ex-gf came into my hometown and picked her car up and stuff out of my mom's basement. I had to move home to my mom's basement because of what happened with our relationship. Short story, I was in Florida, we broke up before she made it to florida. I moved home. Anyways, as she left, she didn't look back she didn't make any movements to show she cared. Obviously, we broke up, but she WANTED TO BE FRIENDS. And this has been very difficult for me because of my feelings. Now, I hadn't heard from her in ten days besides a quick text message saying she made it back to Maine safely. Well today she called me to see how I was doing, if I had got a job yet, and to chat. What do I do? Part of me wants to call her part of me wants to just leave that phone call as it was. What should I do? So confused...
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  September 24,2009, 2:44pm

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what do you want to do? the ball is in your court, really.

do you want to be friends with her?
 
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Fergie_Racer is offline Fergie_Racer Post #3  September 24,2009, 2:46pm
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Move on and don't look back. When one door closes another door opens. Give your self an appropriate grieving period, but then do other things to get her off your mind. There are plenty of other women out there, and eventually you'll find the right one for you.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #4  September 24,2009, 2:48pm
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I agree with scarlet. She called you to see how you're doing. Do you want to call her back and have a chat? It sounds like you're hurting and that can be a good reason not to talk to her. It might not be a bad idea just to call her and say "I'm fine - can we have our chat another time."
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  September 24,2009, 2:51pm
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It sounds to me that your feelings for her are still pretty strong. My experience has been that I haven't been able to go from being in a relationship with someone to being just friends with them until I get past those feelings (I don't pretend to be feeling anything other than what I'm actually feeling), and I'm pretty direct about that fact. If they can't understand that, then they don't get to be a part of my life, plain and simple.

So you have to decide: Are you in a place where you can just be her friend? If not, then I would be honest about that fact, and if friendship is something you want in the future, let her know you'll contact her when you get to the point where you can do that.

Best wishes to you.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #6  September 24,2009, 3:07pm
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I missed how long you 2 were together ?.....sometimes guys fall in love with all the early relationship boinking before they even realize there's a woman involved.
 
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ohiossteacher is offline ohiossteacher Post #7  September 24,2009, 3:10pm
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I have to say that I do have feelings for her. They are going away each and every day, but when she calls out of the blue it is tough. She said I should call her this wkend b/c she will b on the vineyard (martha's vineyard) for a wedding and of course she doesn't have a date... So bizarre that she would call me before the wedding... and after we hadn't spoken in ten days. Whatever... I don't think I can talk to her, but part of me wants to talk to her and I can't seem to shake my feelings for her.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #8  September 24,2009, 3:11pm

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brneyedangel wrote :
It sounds to me that your feelings for her are still pretty strong. My experience has been that I haven't been able to go from being in a relationship with someone to being just friends with them until I get past those feelings (I don't pretend to be feeling anything other than what I'm actually feeling), and I'm pretty direct about that fact. If they can't understand that, then they don't get to be a part of my life, plain and simple.

So you have to decide: Are you in a place where you can just be her friend? If not, then I would be honest about that fact, and if friendship is something you want in the future, let her know you'll contact her when you get to the point where you can do that.

Best wishes to you.
I agree with brneyeangel..

You do need time to heal & deal. If you would like to be friends with her. Then now is not the right time for you. You do need to explain this to her, as this will be part of the healing process for you.
 
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ohiossteacher is offline ohiossteacher Post #9  September 24,2009, 3:19pm
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Dugl wrote :
I missed how long you 2 were together ?.....sometimes guys fall in love with all the early relationship boinking before they even realize there's a woman involved.
three years... lived together the entire time.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #10  September 24,2009, 3:19pm
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ohiossteacher wrote :
I have to say that I do have feelings for her. They are going away each and every day, but when she calls out of the blue it is tough. She said I should call her this wkend b/c she will b on the vineyard (martha's vineyard) for a wedding and of course she doesn't have a date... So bizarre that she would call me before the wedding... and after we hadn't spoken in ten days. Whatever... I don't think I can talk to her, but part of me wants to talk to her and I can't seem to shake my feelings for her.
This is interesting - she doesn't have a date. This makes me wonder whether she wants you around just so that she can have a date for the wedding and then drop you again once the wedding is over.

I hope you tell her "No thanks - I'm not available this weekend." You don't need to put yourself through this kind of torture. Let her go to the wedding on her own!!
 
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