Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
chawks64 chawks64 is offline
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,208

See profile

BuzWeaver wrote :
What I'm trying to distinguish is what is 'an equal'? I understand your perspective and its admirable, however as a male, innately I see an equal being someone retrospectively having similar qualities. Relationships are complex, however you can't completely exclude a sense of competitiveness.

Think of how often you hear the phrase "who wears the paints in that family". As innocently metaphoric as that may sound, inside we do kind of measure ourselves on 'who is in control'. If we are equal then there isn't a shot caller and who is going to overrule or compromise without feeling compromised as well as resentful?

The other element is individualism. I've often heard lately that the 'newer' causes of divorce are partly due to financial irresponsibility (old) and two people wanting to be individuals (new). So you have two participating people wanting autonomy and exclusions.
For me, I'm pretty old school. When things are 50/50 you get a stalemate. Being as old as dirt, I kind of like the guy to be the one a little more in charge but not to the point of controlling. That's the hard part.

But I think the whole "equal" issue is going to be different for everyone anyway. Individuals will base it on money, intelligence, education, family status or even physical strength. You just can't legislate what people are attracted to, and I've (mostly) given up trying. Is it unfair that a man may not want me because I'm more physical in my work and it might make him feel less masculine? Probably, but it's his choice, just as I would choose not to be with a man that I couldn't look up to in some way.
- September 26th, 2009, 01:21 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
Benevolence32 Benevolence32 is offline
Benevolence32's Avatar

Benevolence32 is not looking forward to shorter days and colder weather

Enthusiast

Join Date: Feb 2009

Posts: 587

See profile

#1 is the big one imo especially with online dating. Read it, memorize it, and recite it every morning.

As for the subject of equality, it's overrated. But only because traditionally people think of equality in very generic terms such as socioeconomic status, religion, or education.

Sure I'm looking for an equal, but that means someone that has the same values and lifestyle as me. A woman can make the exact same amount of money as me and have the exact same IQ as me, but does that does mean I can live with her for the rest of my life happily? Maybe, maybe not, it's all irrelevant in the end. There's a littany of other things that will be the deciding factor.
- September 26th, 2009, 02:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
bigfincat bigfincat is offline
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 3,147

See profile

I am looking for an equal in quality...as in quality of person.

IMO a person's identity has absolutely nothing to do with career, educattion, or socioeconomic class.

When I share a life with someone I am far less interested with what they do when i am not in their presence. Much more concerned with our shared time & experiences.

Honesty, intelligence, & respect are all a given in the scenario....& kindness.
- September 26th, 2009, 03:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
singleman4803 singleman4803 is offline
singleman4803's Avatar

singleman4803 is in limbo, not doing the limbo.

Quick Study

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 181

See profile

w_elissa wrote :
Well, I don't know about all women, but myself and my girl friends can say that to control a guy is farthest from our minds. If I wanted to find a guy I could control, I'd look for a weaker person.
At the risk of being really rude, why do women always lie about the way they truly are? It's like women refuse to believe they have any negative qualities.

Every women I have known tries to control men. EVERY WOMEN THAT I HAVE KNOWN TRIES TO CONTROL MEN.

jeebus just admit it. Stop pretending you're a saint, get over yourselves.

Emotional control, crying, weepy eyes, pouty face, blah blah. Making you feel bad, sweet talking you, etc.

It's a part of a woman's natural makeup. Women were not born to be be upfront and blunt, using physical force. They have the abilities of manipulation and coercion. i.e. CONTROL.

Men take what they want, women get other people to give them it.
- September 26th, 2009, 04:49 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is offline
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,208

See profile

singleman4803 wrote :
At the risk of being really rude, why do women always lie about the way they truly are? It's like women refuse to believe they have any negative qualities.

Every women I have known tries to control men. EVERY WOMEN THAT I HAVE KNOWN TRIES TO CONTROL MEN.

jeebus just admit it. Stop pretending you're a saint, get over yourselves.

Emotional control, crying, weepy eyes, pouty face, blah blah. Making you feel bad, sweet talking you, etc.

It's a part of a woman's natural makeup. Women were not born to be be upfront and blunt, using physical force. They have the abilities of manipulation and coercion. i.e. CONTROL.

Men take what they want, women get other people to give them it.
Really? Seriously?

You follow me around all day and that's what you see?

No, we're not all that way and if I waited for someone to give me something I would have nothing.

In my work I'm required to "be upfront and blunt, using physical force". That pittbull I have to subdue really couldn't care less whether I have a crying jag or not.

I don't attempt to get my way in a relationship by emotional manipulation, either. I'm not going to say I never cry. I'd be an emotional cripple if I didn't. But I tend to do it out of view of the man I'm dating. I don't cry so he'll feel bad and I'll get my way.

Please, please, PLEASE stop with the generalizations that All Women or All Men are a certain way. If this is all you have encountered, maybe you need to delve into a different dating pool, not condemn women and men you have never even met.
- September 26th, 2009, 05:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

bwr bwr is offline
bwr's Avatar

bwr wants to become relevant again

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 591

See profile

I have definitely observed women get way too judgemental and controlling too fast.

The negative emotions from past failures go through their mind and they lose it, and as a result lose me.

Unable to control their emotions early are by far the top way I have observed women blowing it.
- September 27th, 2009, 12:48 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
bwr bwr is offline
bwr's Avatar

bwr wants to become relevant again

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 591

See profile

Diann1950 wrote :
If you surrender your identity to someone else male/female then you won't make either your partner or you happy. One or the other will resent being controlled.
+1. I agree with this totally.

It really irks me when I am on a date and being myself with my swagger and she is getting upset because she cant control me. This seems to happen a lot lately, and they think I am actually being fooled or tricked by it.

My best advice for the control freak women is to date the younger guys. Younger men get manipulated easier and just want to go along with things and have fun.
- September 27th, 2009, 12:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
hogrally hogrally is offline
hogrally's Avatar

hogrally Bought a boyfriend at a Bachelor Auction last night!!

Virtuoso

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 4,561

See profile

bwr wrote :
I have definitely observed women get way too judgemental and controlling too fast.

The negative emotions from past failures go through their mind and they lose it, and as a result lose me.

Unable to control their emotions early are by far the top way I have observed women blowing it.
A keeper is going thru this right now on POF.
I find this very sad. both for him and for myself who don't roll that way.
- September 27th, 2009, 01:41 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
w_elissa w_elissa is offline
w_elissa's Avatar

w_elissa is puzzled

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 58

See profile

chawks64 wrote :
Really? Seriously?

You follow me around all day and that's what you see?

No, we're not all that way and if I waited for someone to give me something I would have nothing.

In my work I'm required to "be upfront and blunt, using physical force". That pittbull I have to subdue really couldn't care less whether I have a crying jag or not.

I don't attempt to get my way in a relationship by emotional manipulation, either. I'm not going to say I never cry. I'd be an emotional cripple if I didn't. But I tend to do it out of view of the man I'm dating. I don't cry so he'll feel bad and I'll get my way.

Please, please, PLEASE stop with the generalizations that All Women or All Men are a certain way. If this is all you have encountered, maybe you need to delve into a different dating pool, not condemn women and men you have never even met.
Here, here! Well said and to the point. I don't think all men are a certain way, and they shouldn't belive ALL women are a certain way either.
I don't want to manipulate a person, if I wanted to do that I'd get a puppet.

Oh, and when I think of equal, what I mean is that I don't want someone who I can control, or who will control me, but a person who is as secure with themselves as I am with me. This is then where we can build a healthy relationship. If the man or women has a much lower self esteem, then you fall into the situation where one person seems to have more power than the other and that isn't healthy. That's when fear or resentment creep in. There is a little more to equal than that, but as far as it just being education or money...that is too simplistic.

For example, I have a masters degree, and as a teacher I don't make that much money, but it's a fairly secure job. I dated a guy with a bachlors degree who made much less than me, close to nothing, but with whom I considered an equal. He was intelligent and ambitious and working towards his own goals. Those were the qualities that made him my equal. (It ended for completely different reasons)
- September 27th, 2009, 06:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
trixie1868 trixie1868 is offline
trixie1868's Avatar

trixie1868 thinks that the 'Flora' by Gucci advert is approaching art. I feel love...

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 1,869

See profile

That's a dumb article.

Why is the title five ways women sabbotage their relationships?

Apparently acts of sabbotage include: starting pointless fights, dumping someone and laughing at them in bed!

Did anyone not know this?
- September 27th, 2009, 10:57 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 Last »

Bookmarks

« The L-bomb and Her Response? | Array | Helping a Partner Through Grief »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do men really like full figured women? DIVINE_DESIGNS7 Dating 211 January 23rd, 2010 02:10 am
A Mars Venus Guide: Dating Do's and Don'ts for Men outlaw1 Dating 56 December 7th, 2009 12:33 pm
Single women prefer men already in relationships singleman4803 Dating 60 October 31st, 2009 11:02 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Ah, the moderators have released the post. It's on page 2, #20.” – Iconography

Join the “Update” discussion

“Anything someone says can be read that way or a totally different way. Personally I am supride you only cost him that much. I figured youd be the type to go after the most expensive thing on the ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“I was thinking about this thread a little because it reminds me of a relationship I had several years ago. Ours was a "passionate" relationship. We are both Geminis and would fight intensely and ... ” – nunayabizness

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion

“If we are talking about time investment strategy ...you are only looking at the 5-10 minutes of actually meeting and talking and not the other 2-3 hours you were at the bar searching for people. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“The interrupting is also a sign of Aspergers. I have it and have done it because it can be a problem in me reading when the person is done with their sentence. Would you rather have him say stop ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “Stop Talking” discussion

“Just curious- is there a big age difference or does he just look older?” – mrflyer

Join the “New pics and not attracted” discussion

“ No, I would have just used one of the canned reasons. How many times do I have to say that what she did doesn't make sense?” – mrflyer

Join the “Stay Classy Matches” discussion

“ Has he ever communicated with you? I take it you sent the initial questions to him- if not, what reply are you talking about? I agree with the others who say there's no harm in keeping it open. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Close or leave open?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:06 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0