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BuzWeaver BuzWeaver is offline
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w_elissa wrote :
Well, I don't know about all women, but myself and my girl friends can say that to control a guy is farthest from our minds. If I wanted to find a guy I could control, I'd look for a weaker person. I need a equal, as well as, my friends. Also, girls want girls nights, so guys of course deserve guys nights. I don't want to watch the sports on t.v. or work on the car, and I'm sure they don't want to get their nails done or shop for shoes...and if they did I'd have other questions.
I don't know what women you are meeting, but my guess is they don't have much of their owns lives and/ or, possibly aren't very educated (in the common sense department) on how to make a relationship last.

Oh, and to the eharmony question...when I answer it, I say I want one night a week to myself. However, I've been quite happy with more time to myself, I just wouldn't want less. When I look at how a guy answers it, I don't want any answer...but the truth so I can make my own judgement call. If one lies in the answer, then you already getting off on a bad foot.
Interestingly enough Elissa illustrates the very core of the issue in what is often times a traditional versus modern perspective. With the rise of feminism and the focus on equality woman are now looking for 'equals' in relationships.

Granted I'm not raising an objection, however it is interesting that in the GC there is a question about gender roles. When you look at the ideology of equality its great in theory and is a wonderful concept, but do woman really want to be 'an' equal to men?

What is the equality factor? I'm often matched with females who are physicians (as an example), I'm educated, competent, skillful and capable, however I'm not at her 'level' as far as some 'comparative metrics', she trumps me in education and trumps me in income. So if we look at the 'equal' factor, shouldn't I be eliminated by virtue of not being her equal?
- September 26th, 2009, 12:37 pm
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Diann1950 Diann1950 is offline
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If you surrender your identity to someone else male/female then you won't make either your partner or you happy. One or the other will resent being controlled.
- September 26th, 2009, 12:45 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
How much Kissing have you had this weekend?

Cause, I got it to offer!
None this weekend, but the only kisses I want are from my piranha, not from floglets.
- September 26th, 2009, 12:48 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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BuzWeaver wrote :
Interestingly enough Elissa illustrates the very core of the issue in what is often times a traditional versus modern perspective. With the rise of feminism and the focus on equality woman are now looking for 'equals' in relationships.

Granted I'm not raising an objection, however it is interesting that in the GC there is a question about gender roles. When you look at the ideology of equality its great in theory and is a wonderful concept, but do woman really want to be 'an' equal to men?

What is the equality factor? I'm often matched with females who are physicians (as an example), I'm educated, competent, skillful and capable, however I'm not at her 'level' as far as some 'comparative metrics', she trumps me in education and trumps me in income. So if we look at the 'equal' factor, shouldn't I be eliminated by virtue of not being her equal?
It sounds like you are equating education of a match to a competition. Equality in a relationship is what I see as working to be real partners, with each pursuing his/her career goals, while at the same time pursuing together a common relationship goal, whether that means children or not. The question about more traditional gender roles in GC is I think referring back to more of an old-fashioned family make up with a homemaker and bread-winner.
- September 26th, 2009, 12:52 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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Diann1950 wrote :
If you surrender your identity to someone else male/female then you won't make either your partner or you happy. One or the other will resent being controlled.
I totally agree with this. I think it is so bad for a relationship to lose your identity to it or your partner. I think it is important to keep friendships and individual interests and hobbies going to maintain a sense of individuality.
- September 26th, 2009, 12:53 pm
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BuzWeaver wrote :
So if we look at the 'equal' factor, shouldn't I be eliminated by virtue of not being her equal?
That is the problem that many successful women have these days. They are looking for a man who is their equal or better....and for these women who are quite successful their potential dating pool is very small.
- September 26th, 2009, 12:56 pm
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jayjay wrote :
That is the problem that many successful women have these days. They are looking for a man who is their equal or better....and for these women who are quite successful their potential dating pool is very small.
Wow, so for once in my life it's a good thing to be financially unsuccessful!

Woohoo!
- September 26th, 2009, 01:06 pm
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BuzWeaver BuzWeaver is offline
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MelinCali wrote :
It sounds like you are equating education of a match to a competition. Equality in a relationship is what I see as working to be real partners, with each pursuing his/her career goals, while at the same time pursuing together a common relationship goal, whether that means children or not. The question about more traditional gender roles in GC is I think referring back to more of an old-fashioned family make up with a homemaker and bread-winner.
What I'm trying to distinguish is what is 'an equal'? I understand your perspective and its admirable, however as a male, innately I see an equal being someone retrospectively having similar qualities. Relationships are complex, however you can't completely exclude a sense of competitiveness.

Think of how often you hear the phrase "who wears the paints in that family". As innocently metaphoric as that may sound, inside we do kind of measure ourselves on 'who is in control'. If we are equal then there isn't a shot caller and who is going to overrule or compromise without feeling compromised as well as resentful?

The other element is individualism. I've often heard lately that the 'newer' causes of divorce are partly due to financial irresponsibility (old) and two people wanting to be individuals (new). So you have two participating people wanting autonomy and exclusions.
- September 26th, 2009, 01:09 pm
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BuzWeaver BuzWeaver is offline
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jayjay wrote :
That is the problem that many successful women have these days. They are looking for a man who is their equal or better....and for these women who are quite successful their potential dating pool is very small.
That's the impression I'm getting. Sure, I recognize that these women worked hard and made a lot of sacrifices. I have been matched with physicians, however I can't say with any certainty that because I'm not their 'equal' that they didn't want to pursue a relationship any more than say a match that is a business owner or divorced home maker.

You still have to content with matches that are looking for the full package deal too, James Bond, Robin Williams add in other figures to round the person off and you have the package deal. Just the other day I saw a match mention that they wanted someone who had a "Good FICO score". LOL, probably not a Dave Ramsey fan?
- September 26th, 2009, 01:15 pm
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jayjay wrote :
That is the problem that many successful women have these days. They are looking for a man who is their equal or better....and for these women who are quite successful their potential dating pool is very small.

This has been my experience, and my biggest frustration. I still hope that age will help in this area.
- September 26th, 2009, 01:19 pm
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